Excerpt for Poets Life by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Poets Life

by Kennie Kayoz

Copyright 2017 Coyotes Publishing

Smashwords Edition


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My Life

Why haven't you taken my life away from me.
Better people should be left on this planet and I should be casted away.
To the eternal bliss that is known as the after life is where I should be floating.
Instead I'm living on this planet you call earth when you've taken better people and left me.

My Father was taken to me at a young age but it should have been me in my sleep.
I prayed for my life to end and theres to get better.
I'm the one thing that they don't need in there life in order for things to blossom.
I haven't had the luxery of living a good life as everyone around me has been taken.
Everyday I struggle with the common problems so I bury my face into the computer in hopes of finding a way out to better myself.
But nothing, comes forth as I still wake up each morning wishing that I wouldn't be living anymore.

Just take me away from this, if this is my life that I am set out to live I've seen all the lows that I need to see I would like some alltime highs to propel my life.
Let me be in the casket as I remain underground to live out the days from morning to night.


Is it possible for my life to get any better as I hope that I find the strength to live on.

- Kennie Kayoz -


My Savior

Do I even have a Savior above whose watching over my every move.

Sending my signs letting me know what's the wrong way and what's the right.
Being guided from the almighty above in order to continue my life with the proper way to live.
Or am I being tormented from the depths below in order to bring me closer to my demise.

Where is my life leading me, what's the path that I have chosen, where will I end up.
These are all questioned by me on a daily basis, why is it that I've gotten to this point with no where to turn, why is it that my father was the one taken from me and me not taken from my parents to allow them a better life... For everyone to be happy.

Is it possible at all for me to live a better life knowing that nobody is willing to give me that chance.
Perhaps my life is on a downward slope that'll remain going deeper and darker until my demise.

Perhaps it is time for me to learn what the true ways of life is.
Perhaps one day soon I will meet

My Savior

- Kennie Kayoz -


I Need A Sign


Ever since December 20th 2005 when my father died via vehicular homicide I needed a sign knowing what I'm doing is right or am I now screwing up two lives instead of just one.
My wife, my girl... no matter the name she looks to me for support I never know what to say as I feel that all my direction is wrong.
Not knowing where to turn, not knowing where to go next or where to hunt for a job.
Been out of work since nobody wants to give me the chance.


Show me a sign that I'm atleast doing soemthing right, to allow myself the knowledge to go on with my life as things are going or should I change, Change to what ?. Should I change myself completely in order to better myself, should I not be myself and just change everything about me.
What should I do, give me a sign showing me that I've done something in my life right.

Can my life get better than what it is, or am I at it's peak.

- Kennie Kayoz -


Fuckin Pissd


Here I sit knowin a girl for almost three years, an we can't be in the room together without acusations.

But you be datin some guy an now sleepin at his place.

From the moment the call came in I felt the cold shoulder.

Already tryin to replace my father, with the next guy.

The next guy who comes along you jump onto.

As I looked for a parental figure in my life I wonder if I'd ever find one.

It's obviously not you, since you don't seem to notice what your doin to me.

You are always too busy an too into him to notice your own child.

The last time you needed me I was there.

How did that turn so quickly it's like I'm not even there.

I'm the wall that gets all the shit thrown at it, never anythin good sent my way.

I don't know what I'm goin to do anymore, I know now I don't have a parental figure.

Guess I gotta find my own path in life, havin to deal with my own shit, an keep it to myself.


You may not know but I know that I'm FUCKIN PISSD


- Kennie Kayoz -


Down Hill

As my life continues to slide uncontrollably down a steep slope.
I wonder what have I done to have ever deserved this, I do know how I've been a dope.
I've done so many stupid things in my life I wish I could change.
No doubt many if not al would label me in society as deranged.
I always feel like it's a chore to get outta bed in the morning.
Everytime my body wakes up I feel nothing but disappointment.

I know each day may start out quiet but it'll quickly change to me getting bitched at.

Living with this on a constant basis
I wonder how I survive to live among the races.

Tryin to drown myself in video games, movies or music.

But in retrospec it's peace that I do seek.


- Kennie Kayoz -


The Spiral

It seems that everyday my life is twisting itself more and more into it's own spiral.
A spiral of confusion and misleadment.
Confusion for what can I do that's right by the one who claims she's a parental figure.
Misleadment for trying to be myself but also trying to keep the peace in the house.

The spiral has started out rather loose but since it's grown tight.
As the spiral gets squeezed tighter you see blood rise up from it.
The blood isn't anyone's inparticular but it's blood from the anger.
As the spiral continues to spin with no point of slowing down.
The spiral continues to be apart of an everyday thing.
Is it possible to stop the spiral from spinning and creating confusion.
Perhaps only time shall tell.


- Kennie Kayoz -


Society

I've always been so sick of society.
It always portray these perfect little beings that get into life.
While the rest of us must sit out from the good things and rot.
Slowly from our brains to our teeth.
Just rotting away in hopes of getting chosen for this game of life.
Like playing tag and always being picked last or never at all.

If your not perfect you don't fit into societies rules.
The ones who look different have to do awful things.
Putting themselves in positions they wish they could drown out.
Selling there bodies in ways that can't even be dreamed.
Society has raped many innocent lives.

- Kennie Kayoz -


Always My Fault

No matter what happens in this house I always get blamed.
From shit that I've done to shit my brother has done.
I always get yelled at for it.
Never makes any sense to me one bit.
I can't even understand why she would want to have 3 kids.
If the first two get treated like royalty while I get dumped on.
Perhaps that was the plan all this time for me to get constantly dumped on.

Back in October of 81 I popped out and the joy was head by them.
The joy to know that they could take out there verbal frustrations on the new son.

No wonder I am the way that I am.
No wonder I act the way I act.

No wonder I shy away from everything.

No wonder I stay the fuck away from everything.

No wonder I never stand up for myself.

No wonder I hate myself.

- Kennie Kayoz -


Yell and Scream

No wonder why I have constant headaches.
You never speak to me a quite tone.
You YELL you SCREAM.
I'm forced to put up with it, to the point of me laying down in the evenings.

To try to calm my headaches and to calm myself down from flying off the deep end.
I can't stand this no more.
I don't know how much I can take.
I've been through enough.
Life is rough enough without having to deal with this.

- Kennie Kayoz -


The Voices

In the evenings I lay down.
I lay down to try to stop the voices.
I can't stand hearing them even though it ruins my sleep at night.
The voices spawn from you screaming and giving me shit.
They cause pounding headaches and mass pain.
They cause my eyes to twitch.
They cause me to want to sleep to try to shut them out.
When I sleep I'm at peace, I don't hear nothing.
At times I dream horrid dreams.
I dream horrid nightmares.

I wake up at night and can't sleep.
Since in order to make the voices stop.
I have to crawl into bed.
I have to sleep.
I have to rest in the darkness.

- Kennie Kayoz -


Inner Demons


I can't help but try to turn the thoughts of my past off in my head, not wanting to think about what I've done and wonder why I'm not dead.
I've continued to be haunted by the ones in my closet that continue to let me know that they still exsist.
I know when my lifeline turns to a flatline I'll really be wearing the horns on my head.
As I won't be going to heaven when I'm dead.

I'll be in hell, much worse than I can even imagine.
I've never been good enough to be accepted by anyone.
Always picked last in sports.
Always got the lowest grades.
Always got picked on & harrassed.
Always turned my back and walked.
Anytime I roamed I roamed alone.
Nobody wanted to be seen with me.
At times I wonder how someone would want to be seen with me.

- Kennie Kayoz -


In The Dark

All my life and all the time I'm in the dark.
Constantly in my room with the lights off.
No sound no flicker of light..
Only the glow from my moniter.

Spending every minute of my life online.
As I have friends surround me in the darkness.

In the darkness I feel safe.
I feel as if I can't be seen so I can't be spoke to.
Perhaps I'm just getting ready for when my time comes to the finish.

I can't help but to feel that I have to constantly prepare.
Prepare for the worse and expect much more.
Always sitting in the dark.
Trying to do things for friends.
Talking to many of them.

As if they're voices inside my head.

In the dark is where I continue to live.

- Kennie Kayoz -


You Never Do Anything

No matter what I do you constantly tell me I never do anything.

It's not my fault you over look everything that I do.
When your favorite son does nothing all the time you dump it on me.

Constantly you keep on dumping it on me, am I suppose to do everything.

Am I suppose to wipe his ass and open his beer and pay him.
Since lord knows he does so fucking much around this fucking house.
No wonder half the time I sit in my room and not say a word to either of you.

I feel as if I might as well sit here dead so that you can constantly bitch.
If I was dead you wouldn't even know, cause according to you I do nothing.

Not a single day goes by that I don't wonder if you'd realize if I was dead.
I don't know what more to say.

Cause nothing I could ever do would make you happy.


- Kennie Kayoz -


The World Is Sick

The world is sick, it's disease is green.
It comes on paper and they call it money.
It's how everyone runs there lives.
If you have none then you are nothing.

If you have it all then you are everything.

It's the root of everything that is evil.
It makes good people do bad things.
It makes people do things they regret.

Turning people to savages.
Turning people to suicidalists.
The world is sick.
The world is dying.
The world is sick.
The world is dying.

THE WORLD IS SICK.
THE WORLD IS DY-ING

- Kennie Kayoz -


You Stressin Me Out

You got me stressin everytime you talk to me.

Each time you open them lips I gotta close my eyes and count to three.

Tryin to keep myself calm.

Trying to keep the sweat from my palms.

I can't help but stress I feel like I'm stuck.

In a place that I don't want to be anymore.

All the bad shit happening all around me got me freakin.

I don't know what to do, keep lookin for the easy answers.

When there isn't any.
Is there an easy way out.

Do I want that.

Do I need that.

Should I go for it.

You stressin me out.

What the fuck am I gonna do.

You stressin me out.

You stressin me out.


- Kennie Kayoz -


Keepin 2 Myself


Here I sit, in the room alone.
Keepin to myself.

Listenin to music to try an keep myself calm.

People thinkin I need more friends.

Thinkin that I need somethin else to do.

Thinkin way too much about what I'm doin.

I'm tryin to work on my hobbies and stuff I find fun.

Things I can do when your home.
Since there are things I want to do but can't when your home.

I'm shy.

I keep to myself.

I don't be playing singing video games when your home.

I don't be recording my voice when your home.

I keep to myself.

All quiet like.

I stay in silent mode.

Which is tough as of late knowing that he's home so I can't do anything.

Which is building shit up.

Its makin me put shit off more and more.

I wish we had out own place.

Wish I could do what I want when I want.


- Kennie Kayoz -


The Moon Rises

As the moon rises in the dead of night.
I know that it's only a matter of time before they goto bed.

I know that it's only a lil bit longer before she comes home.

Knowing what's going on are two different things.

Knowing that when the sun rises I wish the darkness would return.
Watching the moon hang over head shining down upon us.

As the children of the moon.

Knowing that we'll forever dance in it's glory.

Knowing that we'll forever live in it's light.

THE MOON RISES

- Kennie Kayoz -


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