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In These Words


NiKay Rountree


Copyright 2017

Smashwords Edition


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DEDICATION



This is dedicated to anyone who is a lover of words.



“Let the words speak to your emotions and the emotions speak to your soul.”



—Nikki “Ni’Kay” Rountree

CONTENTS



Ode to 2016

Seesaw

Temporary

Sleep Deprivation

Empty Glass

Not Just

Silent Thought

Ecstasy

Death of a Marriage

The Sin Between My Legs

Touch Me

What Do You See

Utopia

Split Second

Hear Me Scream

Black Queen

Black Mamba

Black Rose

Two Faces

That Woman I Know

Speak In These Words

Let You

Let’s

Little Light

Blood Thick

My Temperament



ACKNOWLEDGMENTS



I want to thank everyone who has given me a chance and read any of my work. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you to my Flawless Beta Readers: Angie Josey, Shirl Keys, and Shatisha Nash. You guys always keep it real with me and I appreciate you all.



Ode to 2016


For the first time in my life I can say that I'm glad to see a year go away.

All I heard, saw, and felt was suffering, pain and loss of life—all at one time just from watching the news at night.

From black on black crimes in Chicago to a homophobic rampage in Orlando.

People being radicalized listening to non-sense that don't make sense and having a weak mind!

Boy, have times really changed.

Children are more disrespectful to their elders—

the elders scared to show them any better.

They say it's the sign of the times.

Take heed

Listen

Pray

Hope that in 2017 people will change their ways.

Show more compassion, love, and empathy

Stand up-Fight

No justice, No peace-right?

Every year I pay tribute with a poem

Seems like I’m saying the same thing

Different year

Same song

2017, I hope you are listening and listening well

Bring peace upon earth—bring us out of this hell.

I pray for those who we leave back in 2016

May they Rest in Peace and their families be at ease

May we all learn to laugh more

Love more

Care more

Smile more

Give more

Put down the animosity so our hearts can grow more.

With that being said, adios 2016!

I close the door on the old and open up to the new.

2017…

I pray that she will have great and wonderful things in store for you.


Seesaw



Have you ever been on a seesaw

It's kind of like life

It goes up and down

Depending on the weight on the other end, you may be at your highest point—living and loving life

Screaming out in elation

Oh, what joy you have

High

In the sky

On the high end of that seesaw

Then, it happens—that heavy burden that weighs you down

Bringing you down…down…down…down

Sometimes so close to the bottom that you are forced to get on your knees for support

Causing you to lift your head and arms up to the sky and yell, “God help me. Please release

this weight that is bearing down on my soul.”

Then, after what may have seemed like an eternity, the other person at the end of the seesaw jumps off—thrusting you

Reminding you that the weight that bears you down is only temporary—like the motions of a seesaw


Opened Doors


Someone opened the door for me.

Should I walk through with no hesitation?

Should I trust them without reservation?

Someone opened the door for me.

Were they being generous?

Were there any expectations?

Were they expecting the unexpected?

Should I be scared of what's on the other side?

Will they pull me in and then let me slide?

Someone opened the door for me.

Should I have blind faith?

Should I walk through with poise and grace?

Should I tip toe through the door?

Will they be there for me to keep me from falling flat on the floor?

Someone opened the door for me.

I will walk through it.

Wait.

I think I will run.

I will not let that door close on me.

I will not be locked out.

Someone opened the door for me.

I now have no doubts.

Someone opened the door for me.

They afforded me the opportunity

to be me

to do me

to be free

Because someone opened the door for me.

Temporary


Nerves sparking

Tears dropping

Pills popping

Wide awake

No sleep

No break

Pain is only Temporary

Don't think about it

Mind

Over

Matter

Ha! I laugh at that cliché

‘cause right now

My pain still ain't went away.

Sleep Deprivation



Sleep

I love you

I'm obsessed with you

Can't get enough of you

If I could do you every day

Sleep

that would make me happy in every way

Sleep

I really want to kick it with you, but your jealous twin

Deprivation

is keeping me from having you.



Empty Glass



Drink up until you empty the glass

Any pain you feel,

Dread ahead,

Or feeling of destiny unfilled

will all go away when you empty the glass.

Swallow it fast so it doesn't leave a bad taste

Just know that eventually it will exit as waste.

Then, I want you to look at the empty glass that used to be filled with worry, doubt, and fear of things that consume you and try to eat away at your soul –

and say to it

“I dare not fill you up anymore.”





Not Just


Not just a memory

But a stored moment in time that you savor

Not just a sound

But a wave of harmonious lyrics that tickles your eardrum

Not just a taste

But the flavor of many seasonings that bounces across your taste buds like thousands of pinballs

Not just a sight

But visual ecstasy that dilates the pupils and allows light to send blinding rays of optical bliss

Not just a feeling

But the pulsation of electrodes across the skin as it makes the thousands of hair follicles stand at attention

Take a moment to reflect and see that every day we are blessed with the gift of life

It's not just life—

but an opportunity

to hear new things

see new sights

taste new flavors

feel new feelings

and make brand new memories




Silent Thought


It’s what we don’t say that can do us the most damage

Silently thinking

Courageously contemplating

If it should be said

Should it remain just a silent thought?

It eats us up inside

Brewing

Stewing

Eating away at our conscious

Unspoken words devouring our souls to the core

Don’t hold it in

Let it roll off the tongue

A word

A phrase

A thought that is dedicated to a specific purpose

Unfortunately, the damage is done

Swallowed back into the gut

Devoured

Digested

Wasted

Never spoken

Back to just being a

Silent Thought



Ecstasy



I'm getting high off my Ecstasy, but I'm far from a drug addict.

My high is so intense even a crack addict would want to have at it.

My drug is not a detriment, so I don't need no treatment.

I don't care if they call me addicted.

Because I am high on Ecstasy.

I'm ecstatic.

So ecstatic that I don't want to come down.

I am not an addict, but I can't put this stuff down.

I don't pop pills.

I don't smoke blunts.

I'm ecstatic.

I live life the way that I want.

Do you want a hit?

It doesn't cost a cent to pursue your dreams like a dealer to a crack addict.

I fly higher than a person on a plane.

I’m addicted—

No ecstatic

I live life like it's my last day.

I'm addicted—

No ecstatic

I love harder than a mother loves her babe.

I'm addicted—

No ecstatic

I'm a slave to my addictive ways.

I am ecstatic about this addiction I have.

I am so high I don't ever want to come down.

Pursue your dreams like it’s an addiction.

Always be ecstatic about your destiny.





A Dozen Roses


You gave me a dozen roses

thinking it would ease my pain.

But, instead it only reminded me of what I bear in shame.

I accepted these flowers and again you do the same.

The repetitious behavior that only a boy can bring.

You’re never learning from the mistakes and forever making more.

Not a man, but still a boy that fails to understand the value of love.

These red, red roses—so beautiful and fragrant.

The intent behind which they were given already withering away.

I dare not place these roses in a vase, but instead return them from whence they came.

So, today I make this promise—you will never have to give me roses again.

I swear.

I promise.




Death of a Marriage


I watched marriage as she gasped for air.

It was a pain that I could no longer bear.

Marriage had been so good to me.

To see her taking her last breath was slowly killing me.

I tried to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation

But the memories of what she had become made me fill will anger and devastation.

She tried to hold on and so did I

But there comes a time when you must let her die.

I hated to see marriage go.

Her heart beat began to go slow.

Her chest no longer rose as she breathed her last breath.

It was sad to see marriage go through this last test.

But even in death new seeds can be sewn.

New hope can be grown.

But the true pain from the loss will never be known—until you watch the Death of a Marriage.



The Sin Between My Legs


It's a curse put upon me by the most high.

It's the sin between my legs.

The serpent teases me, but at the same time, he pleases me.

The serpent between my legs.

His muscles contract and leaves me paralyzed and constricted.

Telling me to spread my legs so that my toes reach as high as the sky—failing to leave me the guidance on how to fight off the predators lurking nearby.

The serpent between my legs.

I have learned to embrace him.

Relate to him—

Personify him—

Beautify him—

Submit my will to him.

The serpent between my legs.

I have dedicated my life to loving the hell out of him.

Loving the sin between my legs.



Touch Me


I am releasing all of my insecurities to you

I'm trusting you with a part of me

My virginity

Which, I could never get back

Even if I wanted to

I am trusting you

To touch me

Give me some wine

To loosen me

So you can tax me

Jack me up

Pump me up

Bump me up and down

Create a feeling so strong that it produces an explosion 10 times that of Hiroshima

Let the juices flow like the hot lava that erupted from---Mt Vesuvius

Now that was...Infamous

Touch me

I want you to make my eyes roll

Much like the rolling hills at the base of mountains

Climb into me until I reach my peak

Ridiculous

I am trusting you to

Touch me

Please me

Help me release all of my insecurities

Touch me

My hands

Your hands

Touch me

You now have a piece of me

So, protect me

Cherish me

Be faithful to me

If I allow you to touch me

Promise

Promise

You will never leave me

It would just hurt too deeply



What Do You See


What do you see when you look at me?

A queen?

Your dream?

Your biggest supporter?

Your love hoarder?

What do you see when you look at me?

An educated

Motivated

Spiritually intoxicated

Queen!

America's dream?

Or

America's nightmare?

I don't care!

Amen!

Let me say that again.

I don't care!

Amen!

Because when you reach your plateau

A sister will still be climbing

Surviving

Striving

Arriving to the top

I won't stop—

Regardless of how you see me.

Utopia


Utopia

I would tell you it's a place that I would want to go

Unlike the world we live in today, I imagine it would be amazing in every way.

Utopia

Utopia

Utopia

Who wouldn't want to go to a place where there isn't any

Hurt

Pain

Rain

Where the sun shines—all day

Where you can be who you are without

Judgement

Hate

Prejudice

It would not matter my color

It wouldn't matter if we were in love with one another

It's time for the nonsense to stop

Racism

Classism

Bigotry

In Utopia, we could live together in harmony.

In Utopia, we could live forever.

Free

No worries

Only if Utopia were real and not just a made up fantasy.

Split Second


It’s that split second decision that will haunt you for the rest of your days.

Was it justified?

Was it based on some racist ways?

Will we ever truly know?

What goes into that split second decision?

Does the color of the person’s skin determine if they will ever get up again?

What goes into that split second decision?

When you are staring down the barrel of that gun, who do you see?

What do you say to yourself?

Does it matter if it’s a woman or a man?

Does it matter that some child will never see their parent again?

Does it matter that they have their whole life in front of them?

Would it matter if it were you and not them?

What goes into that split second decision?

How do you know when it is right to pull the trigger?

Does it matter if it was a policeman?

Does it matter if it was a black man living that thug life?

What goes into that split second decision whenever you decide to take a life?

How do you truly decide who goes home and who dies tonight?

Let’s reflect on the police brutality, the black on black crime, the deaths from

domestic violence, and realize that the split second decision doesn’t really care who makes it.

It’s the life at the end of the gun that matters when the split second decision takes it!

Hear Me Scream


I scream to eradicate injustice everywhere.

Do you hear me?

I must not be screaming loud enough.

The injustice is just as prevalent as ever.

Maybe I should scream louder.

Would it matter?

I look around and I try to let my voice be heard.

It falls upon deaf ears as history looks like it is about to repeat itself.

Can you hear me scream?

Take heed as the violence becomes a normality.

Can’t you see that people are numb?

People block out the screams of hurt and pain.

The world has stopped reaching out to give a helping hand.

Hear me scream with the voices of all of our predecessors.

Scream from the voices of our ancestors who wanted to see this world become a better place.

I continue to scream.

I scream for justice.

I scream for equality.

I scream for patience.

I scream for peace.

I scream for the children of our nation.

I scream for the poor.

I even scream for the wealthy.

I scream for the world who has lost its way.

Hear Me Scream as my voice begins to fade away.

Wake up!

Embrace brighter days.

Let the voices of the world scream together.

Let there be peace.

Let there be happiness.

Let there be silence as the world listens to us SCREAM.

Black Queen



Who stood behind you to help you stand tall?

Black Queen

Who lifted you up when you felt you couldn’t go on?

Black Queen

Who didn’t complain when you asked her to give you her all?

Black Queen

Who kept all your secrets—I mean kept them all.

Black Queen

For nine months she carried your seed and gave birth to your heir.

She kept you fed and ensured your family had been given tender love and care.

She was a lioness.

She always had your back.

She was your Black Queen, but you failed to recognize that.

In all her royalty and with much poise and grace, your Black Queen got up from her throne and left the place.

Now, you only have the memories of what you once had.

Long live the Black Queen who has gone on to uplift a better man.

Black Mamba


They call me the Black Mamba

I am as dangerous as they come

Have you wanting to go home to your mama, but you are stuck—can't run

They call me the Black Mamba

One quick strike and I will have you sleep for days—

a coma

They call me the Black Mamba

A hiss just to give you a warning

Best think twice before you run up on me

Don't get it twisted

I'm in no way sadistic

But the devil himself

Can't even resist it

I put 'em down in one swift strike

They call me the Black Mamba

I dominate

I resonate

I don't hesitate

I don't deviate

I

am

the

Black Mamba

Black Rose


Upon my doorstep

laid a black rose.

Where it came from

no one knows.

Who would dare leave such a hideous thing?

I looked around, but there was no one to blame.

Black Rose, why are you here?

Is it an omen?

A curse?

Is it a sign that the end is near?

Oh, such horrible thoughts for any person to think.

Black Rose, are you here to remind me of something?

You are as the night, yet there is beauty within.

The longer I stared, the more you let me in.

Hideous, was my first thought, but I’ve since changed my mind.

Intrigued by your darkness—

You left me suspended in time.

The feelings that overcame my soul brought forth a thirst that I could not explain.

Black Rose you are an inspiration.

In these words, I will now begin my translation!

Two Faces


I didn't know it was possible for people to have two faces

One that speaks truths

While the other speaks blasphemous phrases

Neither face looks like the other

Their tongues are identically sharp and they both think they are clever, but have hearts that are obviously severed

They deceive you with the smile on their faces

Their heads spin around and around and around casting spells and creating chaos and devastation

I would have never guessed that humans could have two faces

Damn—they even come in all kinds of races

Stay clear of them because they have no fear

No fear of consequences

No fear of the truth

No fear of others reactions no matter how brute

These two faced heathens have no place on this Earth

Unfortunately—

Only God can judge and hold them accountable for their abnormalities

Two Faces

I just can't phantom that is how Our Father wanted us to be

That Woman I Know


That woman I know stands strong and proud

She built a foundation that no one can break down

That woman I know

Her roots in her religion are strong and fertilized with faith, watered with love, and covered by God's grace

She always kept the family grounded

A woman's love is like no other

That Woman I know—she is my mother.

Speak In These Words


In these words I try to speak truth into light

If you can’t hear me

If you can’t feel me

If you can’t relate to me

I will still speak – In these words

It took a long time for me to find my release

Poetry is what set my mind at ease

It may not make sense to some

but

in

these

words

I speak from the heart

I speak in anger

I speak in pain

I speak in happiness when there is nothing to gain

In these words

I hope you can understand me

It is these words I hope to reach all humanity

Let You


I continue to Let you take advantage of me

Belittle me

Let you remove me from what I was destined to be

I continue to Let the words that spew from your tongue

Replace my spirit with inequities

Let you think you've won

I continue to Let you mistake me for that weak little girl you use to know

Try to play tricks with my mind

Let you stunt my growth

I continue to Let you minimize my accomplishments

Let you reap the rewards of seeing me lose my confidence

But when I finally realized who I was inside

I Let you know that I was no longer blind

Let you see that I was really strong and you were weak

Let you know that it's my turn to speak

Let you know that you haven't won

Let you know that I'm not done

Let you know that I am a conqueror

Let me tell you what I really think

You are the weak one

You have been all along

Now Let me know how you quench your thirst now that the well water is gone.

Let’s


Always try to be KIND

LET the morning SUNRISE give you peace of MIND

I know it's hard when it seems like you are ALWAYS at WAR

You are only a SOLDIER in this BATTLE

Let GOD, the LEADER, settle the SCORE

LIFE is too SHORT to let your tongue be sharpened by LIES

Don't LET your tongue, the SWORD, speak your DEMISE

Life is too short for EVIL intentions

LET your love illuminate through your pores like sweat drains from your body during the HOTTEST of SEASONS

Life is too SHORT

LET LOVE be your hearts only PORT

Let us Live

Let us Love

and Let us dare to be free

Live your life as free as can be

Ride with my movement because I AM SHE

Little Light


Out of the darkness we can find a little light

When things in our life just don't seem right

That glimmer of light as small as it may be

is the little bit of light that will bring you sanity.

Blood Thick


Is blood really thicker than water?

cousin, sister, brother, daughter

The family bond is supposed to be stronger than

no other.

Is blood really thicker than water?

You need them.

Will they come running?

You call them.

Will they push the ignore button?

Is blood really thicker than water?

Blood is the tie that binds.

mentality, emotionality, physically

Sometimes those binds loosen over time.

Is blood really thicker than water?

doesn't matter

Cause it isn't the blood that always makes someone family.

It's the heart

It's the actions

It's the love

Doesn’t matter if it’s blood or water.

You are my sister.

You are my brother.

A New Life


Oh how I wish I could change the hands of time

Give me a new life

Please—Pretty—Please

The past leaves me with pain

The future comes at a cost

I'm willing to pay

Wait! How much?

Never mind

Whatever the cost—it's worth it

Give me a new life

Please—Pretty—Please

I promise to do right by it

Yeah, I know I said it before

But, again I promise

I promise once more

I promise to live my life—the right way

You say you don't believe me

How dare you doubt me

I said give me a new life

One that I can erase with one of those giant erasers

Erase the storms

Erase the trials

Erase the mistakes

Oh, the many mistakes

A big eraser for the big mistakes

I'm tired of the old Hello

So, here’s a new Good Bye

I am ready for a new life.

My Temperament


My temperament is like the warmth of a summer's day

My smile illuminates and shines through clouds as the trees soak up all the photosynthetic rays.

It takes more than a storm to rattle me

I will not be moved by people who fail to see the iridescent beauty that is within me.

My temperament can be like the oceans and the seas.

Don't think I'm incapable of rising with the tide to defend my pride.

My temperament can be like a raging storm or a gentle rain shower that quenches the thirst of spring flowers.

My temperament.

It is what defines me.

It is my temperament.

So, don't you dare judge me.

My temperament is Me

I AM SHE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR




Nikki Rountree (Ni’Kay R.), a Chesapeake, Virginia native, is the author of I Am She: Woman to Woman, Cash Rules Everything Around Me, The Cheater’s Wife series, and Tales of a Woman's Intuition. She also has three anthologies under her belt, A Hood Summer Night’s Dream, Women Withstanding All, and Sex Therapy. She is a graduate of Norfolk State University and Old Dominion University. Ni'Kay obtained her Doctorate of Education from Nova Southeastern University in Instructional Leadership. She is a member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Incorporated and The Order of the Eastern Star. Professionally, she is a member of Hampton Roads Writers Association. Ni'Kay is a former columnist for Pen'Ashe Magazine and a former radio blog co-host for Def Soul Live, Def Poetry Speak Radio. In the poetry world, she is known as Nikki the Pen.


Author Ni’Kay was signed with K.S. Publications in January 2015 under Kiki Swinson Presents. She is now signed with the Kenerly Presents family.


Ni’Kay has received several honors. The Cheater’s Wife II was voted one of Urban Book Authors and Writers of America’s (UBAWA) Top 100 Books of 2015.

In March 2016, Nikki the Pen, was nominated for Poet of the Year by Urban Book Authors and Writers of America Book Club.


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