Excerpt for 40 Pieces: About Love, Loss, and Divorce by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

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Husband & Wife




I heard about your dreams, about your ambitions.



They taught me to wonder, to be intrigued and listen.



We were best friends...



Please know I really cared at one point.



In the place we went, your
parent’s basement.



Kissed, but
upstairs we made love.



Fucked for the first time.



12 steps above.



Now we need 12 steps to save us and our love
,



We didn't like it, so we left it.



Couldn't learn and now regret it.



At the door; blocked our exit.



Let it go, forgot to protect it.



Invested, in the make-believe.



And all we see; is all we've ever known.



Together, but now alone...



King. Queen, of dirt and thrown.



We mixed, but never matched.



Never executed on the plan we hatched.



Our paradise was a pair of dice.



Dedicated and premeditated.



We gambled with our lives.



All in and ass out.



Closed minds and close mouths.



I thought I could change you.



Made you fall in love with a stranger.



Addicted to lust and danger.



But we were scared.



Forgot to prepare.



Full of hope. Controlled by anger.



Let it go and live our lives.



I remember when we were husband and wife.





The Host

You always found a new way to hurt me.



A certain name or spit in the face.



Even when they forgot to notice.



You gave your opinion.



Made it shown.



My flaws, the ones wrapped around you.



Inherent and new.



In time we learned to hate.



Each other; our fate.



Lost, burned by fire.



Smothered flame, all desire.



Guarantee we'll drink
ourselves to death.



When this numbing feeling is the only thing left.



Full of rage and discontent,



Because we were never meant...



To exist, let alone survive.



Regret the days we were alive.



Now we're close to ghost.



You're the cancer; me the host.





Elaborate...The In Between


What was I supposed to do?



Haunted by the ghost of you.



The ghost of us.



Left to rot; turn to dust.



The make-believe. Couldn't relieve.



Everything we'd sought.



Remembering all the memories.



All that was taught.



Forget, learn, miss, and love.



I prayed for our rendezvous.



The next time we'll meet.



You’re in my thoughts.



In my sheets.



Everything comes back to you.



I was nervous when we met;



But glad I did; no regret.



Preachers, teachers, we swayed towards their words.



Pushed away the prejudice, and the absurd.



When you loved me liked I loved you.



You know every word was true!



Deliberate and intentional!



It is too late to change your mind?



To be happy in another time?



I met someone and it feels great;



But I decided to leave. So....... I won't elaborate.



A Mattress Meant For Two



A mattress meant for two.





The first thing we ever bought together.





Couldn't wait to get it home and fuck you





Something clean, something new.





Almost perfect like the first time.





Every time felt like the first time.





This is what I think of while laying on "my" side of the bed.





I look over now and see nothing but space.





The very thing that started this.





Less of me and more of you.





Broken and abandoned like the one we replaced,





And now you're somewhere else, in another bed meant for two.





Not Today


I was lost, forgotten;



My mind, this time.



Seven, six, two.



Meant for me and you.



Couldn't let it go.



Until I let it go.



When we thought of the pain,



We remembered the storm and the rain.



That washed away tomorrows hope.



Co-dependence made us cope.



Helped us, guided us, to a better view.



At least somewhere different, somewhere new.



Somewhere far and left behind.



When we were nice, gentle, and kind;



Were never offered absolution.



Just a matter of fact with no solution.



Crept, crawled, closer towards our end.



We
would break more than we'd bend,



Our union wasn't real, just pretend.




At least it felt that way.



With love we lived, but not today.



Ex Wife





You'd alienate my alias.



The other.



Never knew the real me.



It's cool, because I didn't show you.



No invitation to my identity.



Tried to be myself.



Never got there;



Called my bluff.



So here we are.



Side by side, just in time.



To see and witness the truth.



I wore a mask that looked the same in the mirror.



Reflections obsession;



Elevator and room key.



To the end, would you follow me?



Self-aware, and self-absorbed.



We fit once, line and contour;



But could never stitch the edge.



With a template of the words we said.



The arms that kept us warm.



Close and tight, we'd weather the storm.



Our business, the plan, had a fatal flaw.



See love and commitment, meant forever.



Equal, our intent and investment.



When we'd wake up together.



Kissed your cheek;



Brushed my teeth.



Came back for another.



Sometimes I just might...



Miss my Ex-Wife.



Couldn't Stop the Fall



Paradigm, paradox.



I came here in sneakers,



But left in socks.



Our ultimate, alternate, secret spot.



Where we'd meet alone away from god.



Knew it was wrong, but this is all we got.



No love at home, just the ghost you forgot.



So when we disappear, into future years;



Please say my name, three times when you reappear.



And if tomorrow is our last day,



I hope you'll be near.



This life we lived is tragic.



Vacant of hope, love & magic.



Manufactured the fairy tale.



Made others believe.



Sold them a lie,



Came back and bought three.



See we trusted everything we were taught.



Guided the right way; humanity we'd sought.



If we ended up alone, and gave it our all.



We stumbled too much;



Couldn't stop the fall.



When a Relationship Ends



Egg shells.



Walking upstairs,



Each step, while I creep.



Hoping you're asleep



Late nights, early days.



Regret the moment, the words you'll say.



Wish I could pass on your critique.



You're weren't perfect, nothing unique.



Asking where I've been.



The jealousy has piqued.



As I climb between our sheets.



Don't touch me!” you screamed.



Not even feet.



But here we lay,



Alone and underneath.



In the bed we'd shared and laid our heads.




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