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Mind Chatter
by Kennie Kayoz
Copyright 2017 Coyotes Publishing
Smashwords Edition

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At Midnight

What goes through my mind at midnight.
I worry bout how the day before is going to affect me during the next.
The one laying next to me, what is she thinking while she rests.
Don't got many friends but one will be having a kid.

I can't make sense of things.
Why is my mind a mess.
Why is my mind a mess.

I constantly worry bout the past, present and future.
I use to know what I enjoy but right now I got no clue.
My life is in shambles, I don't know how to pick up the pieces
I can't figure out where I've been or where I'm going.

I can't make sense of things.
Why is my mind a mess.
Why is my mind a mess.

I have a hard enough time making decisions for my choices during the day.
But for some reason it all hits me like a ton of bricks
At midnight
At midnight

It wakes me up out of sleep.
It causes me to stay awake almost all night.
I try to tune things out by putting on movies.
But that doesn't help.
Sometimes it just gives the voices the soapbox.

Kennie

The Soapbox

As if it's easy enough for me to turn my brian off to rest.
All it takes is a small little thing to turn up the stress.
Keeping me awake longer and longer.
Movie marathons at night.
Make me question why do I have to do.

Then an idea from movies gives the thoughts that soapbox
It needs in order to speak louder.
So my one movie turns into a early morning movie marathon.
Or I lay in the dark tossing and turning since my brain won't let me sleep.

At times I wish I was born with an on/off switch on the back of my head
Maybe then I'd get a good night sleep

Kennie

Stupid Brain

I hate my brain.
Specially last night
Kept me up most of the night.

I feel exhausted.
I don't want to do anything.
My neck feels sore.
I know it's stress.

Today is going to be a long day
It's going to be a trying day.
I know I'll end up getting angry.
I'll also get frustrated.

I blame my brain for keeping me up most of the night.
I wish I had more control.
But for some reason my brain doesn't let me sleep.
I can't calm it down.
It's exhausting.

Kennie

Too Much On My Mind

So I keep stressing when my mind thinks.
Worried bout things that I can't control.
I'm not Professor X I don't have mind control.
I can't put thoughts into peoples minds
Nor can I read what others are thinking.

At times I wish I could, to try and help out.
But I've always learned don't look behind the curtain.
You won't like what you see.
The surface and behind the curtain are two different things.
One looks nice the other is hiding the secrets.

I'm sure I don't really want to know what people think of me.
I know it's not nice thoughts.

Kennie

Trying To Silence

Trying to keep the mind quiet
It's a tough thing to do.
Mind seems to be more chatty.

At times it does stay quiet
Long enough for me to get a good night sleep.
At times it doesn't.
It's like it found a bullhorn
Not an easy thing to ignore.

Keeps me awake at night.
Frustrates me during the day.
Aggravates me all the time

Kennie

Troublesome Mind

My mind is troublesome.
It keeps thinking bout things I can't do shit about.
I worry bout friends who no doubt think little of me.
I worry bout the wife, who worries about me.

Life is becoming more and more of a struggle.
Things appear to be getting worse.
I think my mind knows it.
So it's stressing lasts longer.

I have trouble concentrating on stuff.
I have trouble doing simple tasks.
Always worried.

At times I wish I could numb my brain.
Just so I can be in silence and rest.
Hopefully that'd take away from my stress

Kennie

Negativity

The mind chatter isn't always good.
It just chatting randomly isn't the only reason.
More often than not the mind chatter turns negative.

Ones own worse enemy can be your mind.
It knows what you think, no matter if you try and hide it.
At times I goto post a photo and the negativity comes out.
I know I think I'm ugly.
But it comes out in full force.

It uses that as a stepping stone.
To further throw itself into making my mind work.
To try and silence what it's saying.
It's not easy, never has been.

At times more often than not it's a tough thing to silence.
Sometimes it takes hours
Or days
Or even weeks.
To silence it's negativity.

Kennie

Trying To Live With It

It's not an easy thing.
I wish I could stop it.
Wish I could get a good night sleep.

I feel like it's a real struggle to be myself.
Many things I do I feel like it's forced.
Most of the time I just don't want to be bothered.

But yet I try to help people out.
It doesn't help me.
Perhaps I should try to just leave everyone alone.

Kennie


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