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Not Your Average Christmas
by Kennie Kayoz
Copyright 2017 Coyotes Publishing
Smashwords Edition

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Christmas Of 2005

Welcome to the things that sad movies are made from.
Twas seven days before Christmas
When Wayne visited Kennie
The conversation was short, it ended with "I'll see you wednesday"

The morning of the 20th came and Kennie couldn't sleep.
Out of his bed with a flick of his sheet
Feet hit the floor..
Ass hit the computer chair.
So wide awake he just didn't care.

Usual morning surfing habits started.
As he continued to surf, his roomate James woke up.
Stumbled from his bedroom and said "damn, your up early"
He continued to stumble to the kitchen to start his coffee maker
Plunking himself on the couch infront of the tv.
Kennie pushed his bedroom door shut
Continued his surfing habits
A knock later caught his attention.
The bedroom door opened with James holding the phone saying
"It's your brother, shouldn't he be at work ?, What's he doing calling ?"

Kennie took the phone and in his awaken state said
"Hello, what's up ?"
His brother replied
"You need to come home"
Kennie responded
"What's going on"
"You need to come home now"
Kennie replied, look I'm not coming home blind I'd like some info of what I'm walking into
His brother replied
"Dad, got into a car accident. He's dead"
Kennie's last reply of "oh shit, I'll be over asap"
The beep from the phone he raced to the kitchen
To hang it up as his roomate responded with
"Why you in a hurry ?"
Kennie replied with "Dad got into a car accident, he died"
His roomate replied with "get outta town"
Kennie responded with "I'm not fucking with you man, that's why my brother called"


Christmas Of 2006

First Christmas since the initial shock.
Nobody wanted to celebrate it.
But we went through the motions anyway.
Gifts were given.
Food was ate.

Very little was said.
Still most of us in a complete daze.
As the day ticked on nobody knew what was going on.
We couldn't believe it was over a year since Dad passed.
Christmas wasn't the same anymore.

At that Christmas my sister and her husband announced:
"We're not accepting gifts anymore"
followed by
"From next year on, every other Christmas we're going to spend it with his parents"
As much as it was a total shock.
It wasn't
Christmas just wasn't it anymore.

2005 was the last year the house has seen Christmas lights
2006 our house was in blackness no christmas lights outside.
That's how it remains until this day.


Christmas Of 2007

Christmas began getting smaller for this house.
Before 2005 it was five people.
The christmas of 2005 it was six people.
This christmas it was down to four people.

This was the Christmas that Crystal and I announced
We're splitting up our Christmas' as well.
But we set it up all wrong.
It turned out that our timing worked same as my sister

Didn't realize it until Christmas of 2009


Christmas Of 2009

This house was basically empty
It was down to my Mom and brother
Twas a sad time indeed.
It was rough on everyone.

It's almost like the family fell apart.
Each year we talked about not wanting to do the holiday.
But yet for some reason we did it anyway.
When they grey clouds rolled in.
We could feel them hang heavy above the house.
Like they knew.


Christmas 2010 to 2016

Each Christmas was different than the last
In one way or another.
In 2010 Crystal and I announced our engagement
People were happy, it was joyous occasion for many.

2016 would be the last Christmas we spent engaged.
By the time Christmas 2017 rolls around.
It would be the first Christmas that we're "just friends"
She knows that at times it's a difficult time for me.

I have no idea what the future holds for Christmas'
It will be interesting that's for sure.
I know this Christmas will be hard for me.
First time the family will be back together, Crystal will be going to her parents.


A Month Before

It's a month before Christmas.
Here I sit.
Wondering how I'm going to manage to actually give a shit.
Things have changed since last year.
The one that was in my life will no longer be called dear.

As I now look ahead at the future, wondering what it's going to be.
I now wonder about the events leading up to that faithful day.
Many things have changed since one year ago now.
But yet I continue to be the nice guy some how.

The cold months are here, but the snow hasn't shown.
As I continue to look outside and watch the leaves be blown.
While it remains on the warmer side.
I watch the rain as it falls.
Much like the tempature, as the iceman gets called.

It rains in the evening.
Then the tempature dips.
Watch it become a skating rink while people scream "oh shit"


Days Are Ticking

Watching the street start to glow as each house puts up christmas lights
But not ours, we sit in darkness when it comes to lights.
Last time we had lights on our house was 2005.
We use that day for mourning.

We just got new neighbors in about a month ago.
I'm waiting for them to ask about our lights.
I don't think they have a clue.
It's not something I like talking about.

I usually just put my hood up.
Turn up my music
Walk away.

When you tell someone you lost your father five days before Christmas.
They give condolences, but you also watch there souls shatter.
At times I feel like I ruin Christmas for them.
Since around that time of year they start thinking and talking about us.
It's an odd thing to see people decorate there house for Christmas.

I think even if I had my own place, I wouldn't decorate.
At times I don't think I would even put up my own tree.
If it was just me.
It would just be yet another day.


Create That List

The most common thing everyone, not just me but everyone gets asked this time of year is... Create a Christmas list.
I find that to be the hardest thing.
At times I feel like I have zero interest in things.
I've started my list a few years in September.
I have still struggled.

I keep telling people not to get me anything.
They refuse to listen.
Ever since 2005 the family have talked about doing no gifts.
I'm always up for that idea.
But it never happens.

I think it would be neat because it would be different.
Get a lot of strange looks when people ask "what did you get for christmas"
You reply "nothing"
But nothing because you wanted nothing.
The idea was to do it in mourning for Dad.

Everyone has trouble with Christmas in the family.
No one knows what they want.
Gifts under the tree are getting fewer and fewer.

I think in many ways that makes for everyone to be happy.
My sister has been doing the no gift thing for a while now.
Part of my mind thinks that Mom keeps wanting to do Christmas because it's what normal families do.
Well nothing is normal about our family, not since December 20 2005


Dark Cloud

When December 20th hits
I feel like a dark cloud is above the house.
Things start to feel grim.

The coldness creeps in that much more.
Weather feels heavy on ones shoulders.
Life feels that much heavier.

The weight is much more, that's for sure.
You can definately feel something different in the air.
Maybe it's just me and what I've been through.
But maybe everyone else in the family can feel it.

I don't know, I tend not to ask many questions to people.
I'm unsure if I want to know how they feel on that day.
Like ususal I just keep to myself.


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