Excerpt for Verses Undone by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Verses Undone

by Jamila Mikhail

Copyright © 2017-2018 Jamila Mikhail

Smashwords edition

ISBN: 9781370528370

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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Love of a Soldier

I look into his eyes

Before one last goodbye

Another kiss on the lips

And that's it

Now you're leaving

You're leaving

I won't see you for a year

I don't even know if you'll come back here

One year in Iraq

And I'm not sure you'll come back

No matter how many times I wish you luck

I still miss you so much

Everyday I think about you

And I'm sure you think about me too

I fell in love with a travelling soldier

After you go there will be no other

Will I ever see you again?

Will you come home in the end?

Everyday I live in uncertainty

Despite that you tell me not to worry

Will I have to carry your coffin?

To the cemetery, to be buried and forgotten

You'll be one of the many

But you'll always be a part of me

I will always remember you

No matter what the world puts me through

You are my hero

And I will always love you so

The Secret

I have never seen your face

Is it really a piece of such disgrace?

I've only seen you from behind,

What is this secret you try to hide?

But the secrets that you hide seem more like lies being covered up

Such as this

Keeping your mouth shut

Because so many things just don't work out when you're not around

We don't seem to click like we used to and it's driving us further apart

It hurts me in the heart

Roses are red, violets are blue

I did my best at loving you

This filthy little secret

Do you trust me enough to keep it?

Your life is a beautiful denial

On which you shall stand trial

Behind your beautiful eyes

Tell me,

What is this secret you try to hide?

Once Loved

It makes me sad to see you like this

It angers me that you have to do this to yourself

I'm sick and tired of having to watch you pass in front of the house

Almost unable to walk a straight line

All I seem to see are the scars on your arms

And the marks around your neck

Your discoloured lips

Your pale white skin

It kills me to see you do this

I don't want to attend your funeral

But it seems like I'll be holding your little hand in your coffin soon

Tears come down my cheeks every time I think of you

I've seen the miracles you could make

And now all I can see is all the pain you have to take

It makes me sick to see you like this

Your smile used to tell me that you were doing so well

Now the track marks on your arms have another story to tell

I used to see your eyes shine in the sunlight

Now you never leave the darkness

How could you go back to this?

Destiny was calling your name

You had the whole world at your feet, waiting for you

Now you're back to chasing delusions with fishing nets

You're so close to breathing your last breath,

I can't seem to let you go but our friendship was something I won't soon forget

You were great

Pleasant to be around

I hope the ones on the other side take you into their arms

And give you all the love you could ever have beyond this world

I'm sad to see that you have to end like this

But I guess now there's nothing more I can say

Because I don't know when it's going to be your last day

But until then I'll make sure to tell the girl on the other side of the mirror

That I once loved her

I Hate

I hate it when you're here

I hate it when you're gone

I hate the way I need you when you're not around

I hate the way I need you when I don't know where you are

I hate it when you say you love me

I hate it because I know you don't really mean it

I hate it when you say you'll always be there for me

I hate it because we both know you're not

I hate that I love you

I hate that I do

I hate that no matter what I can't hate you

I hate the way you comfort me

I hate the way it never lasts

I hate the things you say to me

I hate the way I can't help but believe them

I hate the way you hurt me

I hate the way I hurt myself

I hate the way the blame always ends up on me

I hate the things you do to me

I hate the happiness that comes with them

I hate missing you

I hate it when you ignore me

I hate that I can't tell you how I feel

I hate that you have better things to do

I hate that I'm your last priority

I hate that I feel this way

I hate that I have to live like this

I hate that I'll have to replace you

I hate making decisions because you can't step up

I hate the way you make me smile

I hate the way you always help me when I'm in denial

I hate that you then have to go away

I hate that I have to miss you

I hate that I have to love you

I hate that it feels like you were never here

I just hate everything

I just hate it all

From Life To Death

My bones tremble

My heart beats faster

I cannot breathe

I feel my temperature rise

A crime of fate

The breath of life

Like hands around my neck

There's nothing I can do

Collapse to the floor

Everything you thought you knew

Life is slipping away

You are no more

My heart falls to pieces

I'm out of breath

My eyes fill with water

The struggle is over

Dust to dust

Ashes to ashes

From life to death

I will not forget

Calling All Scumbags

Sitting in my dark place alone

I wonder what went wrong

No one seems to know

The reason you have no soul

Stick a knife right through your throat

And let someone else take oath

Just make sure you get there first

For whatever that it's worth

Calling all scumbags

Broken promises and filthy little lies

Let the fire ignite in your eyes

And your sick twisted smile

I'm calling all scumbags

You took the breath right out of me

You left a whole where my heart should be

I'm sick and tired of being angry

I want you to drown in my misery

Sadness and hate

Two emotions you can't replace

I just wish I could slap you in the face

For all the times you felt without a trace

Calling all scumbags

Broken promises and filthy little lies

Let the fire ignite in your eyes

And your sick twisted smile

I'm calling all scumbags

Too cowardly to admit it

You worthless piece of shit

Go and slit your wrist

You're one scumbag I will not miss

Now it's all coming clear

That I don't need you here

And in this world around me

I'm glad you disappeared

Calling all scumbags

Broken promises and filthy little lies

Let the fire ignite in your eyes

And your sick twisted smile

I'm calling all scumbags

Remorse should have shown

But oh no your heart is made of stone

Beneath the teeth hear the groan

You can die and rot alone

Let the salt enter the wound

Your end is coming soon

You don't know what I can do

No you don't have a clue

Calling all scumbags

Broken promises and filthy little lies

Let the fire ignite in your eyes

And your sick twisted smile

I'm calling all scumbags

Now don't try to hide

Now that the world is mine

When everything you are falls behind

I want you to choke when you swallow your pride

Light the fire and walk away

One day you will pay

Until then don't make the pain go away

No you scumbag make it stay

Calling all scumbags

Broken promises and filthy little lies

Let the fire ignite in your eyes

And your sick twisted smile

I'm calling all scumbags

This time you won't be heard

You greedy little bastard

You will get what you deserve

You greedy little bastard

You will get what you deserve

Murderous Poem

The only thing that would make today any worst

Would be driving away in a hearse

My anger boils deep inside my veins

How do I get it out without causing pain?

Inside my basement I will hide

To make up this mind of mine

On whether I should put a bullet in my gun

Or just forget about this and run

My inner demons I shall seek

So my mind can have peace

At last you will be gone forever

And I shall sleep much, much better

Beside my bed my shotgun I will keep

So I'm safe at night when I sleep

And if my house, I find you inside

The coroner's van will be your next ride



Crawling into me

Into my head

I'm wishing I was dead

Thoughts fill my brain

Driving me insane

Ideas of suicide

And ways to die

Corrupting my mind

I'm going insane

I can't set things straight

Shackles of Love

So many thoughts keep spinning around my head

The good, the bad and the unknown

This loneliness and this desolation

Is the equivalent of sitting in my head all alone

Sometimes I wish that you could just leave

Just leave and leave me alone

Other times I'd sew our souls together

All that is left of you now are the scars on my heart

I swear I will tear it all apart!

I carved your name into my arm

Promising you that I would never do you any harm

I carved your name into my soul

Promising you that I would never let you go

But you're the one that let go

You were the only good in me

Now living with myself is all I have.

Do you know what its like

To look at yourself, paralyzed?

This soul is just no good

So I can beg you to save me for all that I am.

Or beg you to save me for the fuck of it.

I know my life will end

But I won't give this life away again

You broke my trust, shattered my existence

So lift up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts

My flesh is all I have.

This life is not enough!

You can say that I'm so clever


I'm done with theses endeavours

I'm needing no one's help,

I'm needing only you

Sometimes I can still feel your presence

It still lingers here.

Some days I get so lonely

That the loneliness won't leave me alone

Sometimes it hurts so bad that I can't breathe

I can only tell myself that you still love me

But I don't believe my own lies

Like I believed yours

Don't you miss the way we were?

We promised one-another that we'd love each other forever

Forever didn't last very long

I guess that in the end it didn't really matter

It didn't even matter no matter how hard I tried

You slipped away, and I don't know why

Every time I try to live without you I feel dead

But I can't breathe when I'm with you

So what are we really doing here?

You hesitated

And now I wish that you would just go away

Just leave me here forever in the dark

Was this love just a waste of time?

I guess you'll never get to see my face again

All the miracles you traced

I can't explain what its like

To wonder if I'll ever cross your mind

I loved you so much it hurt

For whatever that it was worth

This can't be heaven, it feels like I'm hell

Looking out the window into the blowing snow

I never thought that hell could be so cold

Just another helpless plea, I beg you

I will love you, forever

The end

Just don't leave me here again

I've seen my world change

And had to watch it go back to where it came

I guess I was just an alternative

Just another option until the past came back

Now I'm in second place for a second chance

I'm tired to chasing delusions

All I need is someone to believe in

You brought me back to life

Only to let me die

They say that the higher you are, the farther you fall

You seemed too good to be true

And I guess you were too

But why pull me up and then tear me down?

I gave you all I had

I gave you all I had to give

I guess I did it all for nothing because now that you're gone away

You didn't even say goodbye to me

Hope is lost

Now all I can do is drown away in my own misery

I keep telling myself that one day you will burn

That one day you will get what you deserve

Some people never learn

Sometimes I just want to make you hurt

Like the way I hurt

I know its sick but it makes me feel better

Sometimes I wish I had never ever met you at all

But all I can say now is

Don't put your life in someone's hands that bound to steal it away

We were supposed to burn the world together

But you were the fire

And I'm the one who burned

All I've ever said was the truth

And yes I really loved you

You must not forget that I hurt too

You said such sweet words

Unlike anything I had ever heard

But I guess it was just a cover-up for corruption and shame

You burned down my perfect little world.

I never thought I was crazy

Until you showed up

I never thought I could love, never thought I could trust

You proved it to me only to prove it to yourself

That you're always better than everyone else

The days can go on forever

And I will never leave your side

Nothing could ever bring me back to life

So save your last goodbyes

I used to feel so loved

Now I'm just screwed up

You shouldn't blame yourself because I guess I deserved it

Although I never thought I'd believe it

Theses millions of memories make up my millions of shattered dreams

I guess that even the brightest light will fade away to black

I guess my love just wasn't enough

Forgive me if I do not understand

One day we'll be lying in the earth

Side by side

But until the end there's only one thing you should know

Je t'aimerais jusqu'à la fin du monde

Until the End of Time

I'll be long gone and rotting in hell

Before you say "I love you" to someone else

I promised I'd love you until my death

And even after than I won't be done yet

So if you die before I do

Somebody better tell the coroner he'll have two

Around my neck I'll wear a hangman's noose

Because I never want to be away from you

The moment I saw your pretty face

I knew it was you and no one else

In that same moment we sealed our fate

I promised to never leave you by yourself

So boy you better never tell me goodbye

Because I won't leave you even when I die

I want to have your body buried next to mine

I want to be with you until the end of time


If It takes forever

I’ll find you no matter what

The ends of the earth

The Complete Unknown

There's one place that I'll never call my home

And that's the very bottom of your soul

In my life you left an empty hole

I guess there are some things I'll just never know

Who am I to take the blame?

You're the one with all the shame

This is just like a burnt out flame

I guess things will never be the same

I learned the things you never showed me

Became all the things you'd never be

Maybe one day you will see

All this pain and catastrophe

I took the chances you'd have blown

You're the one who left me all alone

So many of our stories will remain untold

And you remain the complete unknown

Dear Father

I address this letter to my dear father

The complete unknown

I guess it's better that you just don't bother

All your truths will be left alone

I'm the daughter you can't hide

Pray for your life before you pray for mine

I'm just the forgotten child

The one you left behind

So many years have been ignored

You've been gone without a trace

I'm getting to knowing that

You're just a name without a face

A father without a son

Is like a bullet without a gun

But what about a father without his daughter?

I guess you can't spell manslaughter without laughter

You were mean to make it hurt

Make it all disappear into the dirt

All the things I had to go through

And it's all because of you

Do you feel any shame?

Because I feel a lot of pain

Take the time to take my breath

I will end where I began

If you're out there somewhere

I don't know if you care

It seems like you don't

So you remain the complete unknown

All we had, gone forever

Things that you said would never be

Living without you don't bother me

Yours truly,

Your daughter

The Red

There's nothing that's gonna stop me

There's nothing that's gonna stop me



My blood drips on the floor

It's red

Back where I was before

It's all in my head

Thoughts of suicide

Hiding all the tears I keep inside



Crawling into me

Into my head

All I see is red

I just wish I was dead

It's all red

It's all red

All I see is red

It's all in my head


The calm

Before the storm


Of suicide

So many ways to die

Forget about me

You don't mean anything to me



Crawling into me

Into my head

All I see is red

I just wish I was dead

It's all red

It's all red

All I see is red

It's all in my head


Your driving me insane

Your driving me insane

Corrupting my mind

Corrupting my mind

Look inside

It's all red

It's all red

Inside my head

You can't stop me

Look at the red

Coming down my arm

All the scars

All the scars

From when you broke my heart



Crawling into me

Into my head

All I see is red

I just wish I was dead

It's all red

It's all red

All I see is red

It's all in my head


The red creeping into me

The red

Is all that I see

Give into the red

Give into the red

Give into the red

My Best Friend

When I think of you

I have a smile on my face

You are my best friend


Innermost is a collection of both free verse and fixed verse poetry written over a period of half a decade about every emotion felt inside the human heart. These poems will transport you to a whole other world within the innermost depths of the human soul.

Available now in both paperback and ebook format almost anywhere books are sold online!

If you enjoyed this short collection of free poems please consider supporting my writing by purchasing my full length poetry book that contains nearly a hundred original poems!

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