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Copyright © 2018 by Julio Carlos

Published by Smashwords, Inc.

ISBN: 9780463945124

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This book does contain explicit sexual references.

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Table of Contents:

- The Ruby Lioness

- Cássia Séphora

- Helena Abreu

- Rafaela

- Sonali Yadav

- The Little Goddess

- Tininha

- Érica Silva

- Érica Ederiza (Patinha)

- Katrina

- Marshmallow

- De Castro

- Single noted tablatures

- Some words from the author.

The Ruby Lioness

To Mak,

Thank you, for always being there for me.


Displayed wantings

neglected daydreams,

thoughts minding vanities,

a careless soul.

Does one need to feel

for it to be real?


to drown in illusions

of emotions to steal,

times and times felt

now, concealed.


Who are we?

What are we as one?


Words pronounced to each other

shine brighter than suns.

Lying to ourselves

by trying to be?

Or fighting for what’s loved

in order for it to be?

‘Madness inside’

Sweet tormented feams

hallucinations filled with sins,

legs spread

as I make you cream.

Madness in me.

wishes craving lips

slowly touches,

wall deafening screams,


that give way to soft grins.



paths free to ride



to be had,

laps where I can die,


a weakened mind.


So much I’d have

but still I chose you.

Standing at my side,

out of view.

So much I’d have

but I guarded

my pieces, left,

to adorn your broken glare.


A heart that learned

how to unbeat,

a self that was taught

how to not be.

Afraid of loving.

Used to losing.

Given motives

to stand still.


Scarce moments,


sweet soul encounters,


Rare instants

to remember,


To Future’s uncertain offered.

‘I love you. ...Fuck!’

Is it a spell?

Maybe cast by your eyes.

Is it real?

Yes. Palpable.

Words aren't enough.

Nor acts.

What are you?!

A dream?

Or an illusion I forgot?

I love you so much that


How vulnerable am I?

In your arms

where I want to die.


Were all men blind

to leave unnoticed

the beauty of your eyes?

Have men lost their minds,

or only I

after seeing your shine?

I've lost my wits.

I've lost my wish to other find.

Fools are all

that chose the usual over you.

Is this my luck?

Is this my damn?

I dread to find.


My eyes glisten your looks.

Why? I ask myself

If my gaze’s dark and profound.

My voice takes away your North.

Why? I ask,

if little I feel and all I give.

Why am I so special to you?

if I simply am

for your smile?


You deserve skies,

lands can’t bare your feet.

I’d give you all

if everything I’d get.

Madness or despair?

One of them for sure,

making the same thing

expecting a different result.

But what do I lose?

What do I lose?

I have nothing.

I am nothing,

but an insane fool,

a daring sincere

that too many times loved.


I’ll try to love

with all which I lost,


with all certainty forgot.


Teeth tearing skin

naughty scars,

clawed backs,

suffocations asked,


crossed tongues

flavoured labia,

unexpected spicery

of a lioness on the hunt.



body & soul.

Fury! Confusion,




vaguish thoughts, attempts

of showing care

revealing the pain

that stores

at the tip of a colourless pen.

.... flow.

Still a lot to tell

I have,


where I went.


Offerings that burn chests

cold, stone,

lightening clouds.

A beloved broken smile

torn between tears

and lost ardours.



When? If by you I wonder.

Whole? How?

Being the most fragile of shards.




Maybe. Maybe...



through your eyes.


me, once again

that you wont leave.

Doubtful, weak,

I’m aware.

Whisper. Hug

treat me as if without you

nothing I could.

Love me,

as if feeling wasn’t a big deal.

Look me in the eye

and show me your love.


as if our days didn’t end.


Roots have taken their tone

strengths laying

shady thoughts


when one stands alone.


tastes of a past

breasts and lips

salty delights.

Eyes of feline shine

as I wish to be blind.


Avoiding saying things that

might cause destruction

as my devil awakens

when your name is thought,


I try. Not to be

the dooming seduction

of happinesses

that long took to reach

expelling craves as dark as your skin.


I shouldn't...

be so lovely with an engaged soul.

So caring....

It's wrong,

but aren't we both so?

To lose you...?

I rather forsake the world,

and have you for a second

inside of a storm.


Honesty bring us closer

tearing us apart,

as two broken beings try to unite,

make one that can't

define a start.

Times so wrong

for feelings so right,

if not told, lost

if hidden create fright.

God. Why?!

Why had I the audacity to realise...

that you were the only one

that would last.


Treasuring smiles to

enlighten your days


that it happens...

One day.

If so to say...

If so to say.


Times feel odd without you

‘Stories told that no one will know’

You are

my drive,

my guide, a light

that yells me to go on

and thrive.

You... picked up

the pieces that fell along

and kept them to restore me again,

and again.

My base,

without you I have a shallow depth.

My strength,

the only one that knows my ways.

‘More than flesh’

Not just lust.

Undefined behaviours of trust.

Not just love,

ties too tight

for so long.


not a challenge.

Connections powerful enough

to put mountains moving

as steps do along.


I, understand.

As futures are to be had

presents have to be sacrificed,


one tracked mind.

I, understand.

You hold me close

in your mind

as goals are chased,

fearful of slip away,

for your eyes are set

and your pace is brave.



I whisper loudly,

to fill spaces alone.


I whisper softly

with my hands pushing your stiff back,

telling you

''You can do this''.


To lose you,

Over silences,

Lack of words...




‘A complete lack of words’

I try...

I do.

To warm you

with the minute flame I bare

In cold winds blown

by the world.

I do.

I try

To stay...

To hold...



Emotions reserved to

as no one else cares but,

as no one appreciates but,

as none of them know.


Calmed self

Found. Kept.

Waves of caress sound.


Breathing your neck,

finding my ways


your flesh,

Holding you tight

slowly rocking your insides.


Hold me...

Let me crumble in your arms,

be yours

only yours to trust.

Hold me,

release me after the moment you die,

carry me to my death

and I'll be eternally alive.

‘Our shit’

They can try

to break us,

with lies tear us apart.

They can try,

they can try.

Envy led eyes,

rotten tongue spread lies

broken hearts end


Let them try,

Let them try.


Closing my eyes

as lights turn dark,

the world put aside

to resonate

with your distant heart.


Be lunacy

to lose myself in your breath

dying, alive again.

''Rest'' in my chest,

make me wet

with your cries.

Let us sob,

show our damaged hearts

now found

beating in unisound.

‘Love & lust’

Adoring feverously

limbs trembling erect

lips tenderly wet,

emotions consuming

in heat exchanges

before bodies touch.


''I... You... Make me feel again''

''... ... ...''

''It's ok...''

''I love you''

''I love you''




For how long

can this windy fire burn my chest

as cold nights embrace my ribs

and frozen breaths free my verbs?

For you

I tender my stares,

lower my guard

and heat my breast

so you can calmly rest.

Have me,

for only you can.

Save me,

from sanity again.


So perfect we...



You came…

Came in…

You came in


I let you in!

I was… broken


I was…

I let….

I don’t,

I won’t

Or will I?

Regret it.

Don’t make me regret it,


You took me in your chest,

You broke my defence.

My walls, my fortress!

I let you in,


Sure, that you were unlike the rest.


The right feels so wrong

as words are spoken from souls.

The wrong feels so right

as temptations bring us closer

to a long neglected love.

Tender words

that remember us

how good lost control feels,

as waters flow from legs,

hearts beg

and we avoid stares.


Is it over?

For us?

As I love your presence


as others won

the fight we did not fought.

Is it over?

For us?

Is it still possible,


to dream of you

sleeping in my arms,

or do I have to prepare my heart,

to see you smile

to others instead?


Be with me.

Comfort my mind

as you sleep.

Be wrong. With me.

Dare to dare to see

what others can not observe.


I prefer waiting a thousand years

to have you for a second split,

than to search for others

that my soul doesn’t want to keep.

I’d rather

be left alone

bare the cold of being lonesome,

than to heat in flames

that winds can out blow.

I find it better,

to be hurt and crushed by you

than to receive

the wealthiest of loves.


Gave I all love

to those now lost?

Did I let my will be taken?

Will I once again resist temptations?

Matters of the heart

are known when found,


A soul so scared

that holds it’s love

in silences profound.


If I show you weakness,

will you go away?

If I show you sadness

will you put me down?

If I become insecure

will you abandon me in the fires of my soul

in the depths of the known?

Oh, if I lose myself

by my own madness engulfed,

oh, if I become anxious

will you stand by my side

as your words told?

Cássia Séphora


I never thought

I’d want darkness as much as I crave madness,

but your skin bares surprises

that I want to enjoy with softness.


Ravish me

complete my vacant self.

Let me indulge

your rivers,

allow me to get loose on your drenched trenches.

Love me.

Be burnt.


Ask permissions not.

Take me

Bare my treasures in your hands

rejoice with adorned empties.


If you accept my touch

you may latch to a love

that has been denied by much...

patiently standing



to burst.


I want to

kiss you once

and take a thousand years to breath again,

to map your skin by the dot

so I can never be lost,

hear your every thought

so I can understand,

become as strong as one can

so in your weakness you can stand.





Rock and roll.


in the dark.




maybe wrong

in intentions

that won’t last long.

A game,

not childish play

words amounting as stacks of hay.

Touch me

pluck my brain

test my thoughts

know my insane.


Rape my mind,

blow me away

show me wrong

show me what I dared yet to say.


Let us forget time

in futures present in present times,

let us forget about the world and its dimes

as we drown in each other’s minds.

Helena Abreu

Thank you for trying.

I’m sorry for not being able to give you the love you deserved.

I too, tried my best.


Rip my skin as you bite

take away my breath as you slide.

Have my moans

let me feast upon your screams,

be my only lover

the reminder of my sins.

Take the air from my lungs

have me as you wish,

while I make you tremble

and you make me twitch.


As you ask

pleads of a gentle voice

waving eyes so loved,

hands that want to care for.

To show myself,

oh, so broken and torn;

a throne of thorns

moving gracelessly

hurting but its own.

Trembling dependence,

sure seen decadence

screams of need,

anxiousness for your soft presence.


I've seen hate

and slept with disgrace,

ventured death

and came back,

just to see my heart torn from my chest.


A walking tear with a smile on its face

defined as a creeping abominance,

to be alone left.

How can you love me?!

How can you mend

a person made shattered

that only broken stands?


Grey eyes are happy too,

in a strange way

along a dark place.

Grey eyes can be softer than blue

warmer than brown...

Grey eyes,

as souls dark enlighten softly

bellow someone’s light.


Words not always soft,


A heart mostly torn,


Eyes that avoid gazing. Weary.

A soul that lifts itself slowly




after cancelled departures,

places found

in midsts of nothing.

Short hugs,

eternal moments

not known yet,

in times of void

that one wont forget.


They lack.

To be told,

to be explained.


So they lay

in your arms

as my head is on your lap,

so they stay,

with me

to be revealed

... in time.


I ponder upon the number of tears

I'd render to your hands.

How much of me

to you I should give away.

As your smile holds me close,

as your touch my soul rejoice.


As sad songs make us sleep.


As we are,

wrong as the cruellest sins,

to be left untouched


caring our world

as our own.

As we were,

imperfect as the most defectful of flaws

standing with a smile on our faces,

hiding tears on our eyes.


as we'll always be,

torn as spikes,

roses unsmelt

drifting for years

until found once again.


To hold images in my head

which I don't understand.

Confusing clear ideas

of stable streams,

flows of empty river beds

where dreams swim.

It's complicated

to give myself

without thinking,

to let things happen as they roll.

To be steady.


as life flows.


Difficult it is

not being able to feel loved

when that's all life has taught,

to not know,

unable to endure a hug,

or laying in someone's thigh.

It's hard not being able to feel love

for a person that loves you as no other,

to fear

the known.


So this is love

a soft stream of care,

an undying need of someone

a breeze of desire,

a comfort to the mind.

So this is love.

Your eyes.

Connections hard to define

reality over illusions

willings to try.

So this is,


Not really a what,

but a why.


Take my mind hostage

ravish me whole,

bring me back to madness

when I'm inside

and you flee.

Burn me with your darkest

fiery wishes

subdue me with slow gracious moves.

I'm a mountain,

so climb me and conquer the world

have me to yourself.

Burning your skin

while my blood boils

living hard inside of you.


Dwelling against demons

thought dead

said forsaken from every breath,

I ponder....

If I'll love again...

feel emotions besides madness.

In your lap I put my fears


burdens on me too heavy for your legs.

All the pain felt

unbrought in a single wake.

I tremble when I see such beautiful face,

I remember,

I imagine,

I crave.

‘Remnants of love’

I can't give away my tears

as you drown in yours,

for agony is my smile

after having my soul crushed.

I wish I could have given

the love you so deserve

instead of pain.

I wish I could forget her

to have you instead,

only if lies where my stain...

Only if goodbyes where not to say...


In your arms...



Peace for a while.



It hurts, I know.

to hold silence that one can talk

breathing airs that suffocate,

as one is ragged

and other learnt to not care.

It's painful, I know

to deal with realities

that were yet unknown,

as illusions I've seen for years

for illusions is all I was shown.


A burden.

I know.

Having to deal

with all the sadness in me,

and still having a smile

to reveal.

I feel,

that my love for you is real,

but something in me says

that I’m not ready to be loved still.


Miss me,

when I’m too confused to be loved.

Wonder of me

when I am too silenced

to be heard.

It hurts, I know.

Maybe I hide myself

to avoid the show.

It’s hard, I know

but I have a part of me

that I can’t let go..

You are, my happiness,

my calm and reason,

but only in sadness

I can love.


I try to...

rip out the hidden,

bring out the closured,

unleash the...


It’s hard.

Display the brokenness

to worthy eyes.


May I dream?

May I be with you

beyond the sands of time,

in realities of mine?

May I love you more,

so much that it’ll hurt

you, me and the world.

May I have me

as your own.


Embraced this of me,

such coldness

that makes you warm,

holding an empty kingdom

where you wear the crown.

Words come so slowly

to greet your ears,

thoughts of sin offered

making you twitch gracefully.

Steady is my gaze to yours,

as it smirks away from the world

frozen in pasts distant,

with a beating heart

full of silence.



Pollution to your mind

a walking sin to hold a hand,

distressed pleasurable caress

giver of love taken from nowhere...

‘Are you ready?

To have your expectations blown away?’

I say.

Every touch unique,

every word true...

It’s all I have to say.


Let us spare words.

They feed the soul,

but don’t put pressure in a touch.

Sonali Yadav

For leaving me speechless.

‘Myself to you’

I can’t look at your eyes

for once I got lost.

Ones can’t be sure

until their hearts defrost.


dead inside.

Lost wanderer

destined to nowhere.

I’ve been…

I’ve seen…


Born to be lost,

inside someone else’s soul.

To ride furious seas of love.

I was…

I chose…


‘Soft poems of grace’

Words, of love…


Kept apart from my heart

to myself hold.



souls, cold.

Sweet words of grace.




Tears left.


Shed eyes of visions stretched.

‘Illusions of oneself’

Countless words to say

from a madman’s head.

Told written phrases unspelled,

scraped thoughts of an elapsed mind.

Beaten broken eyes

are mine,

afraid of being alive.

A scarred soul once naked

betrayed, forgotten



It will all pass

after screams

and collected tears.

Beautifully torn dreams,

held when hope wasn’t to be seen.

Silences to keep

memories to share,

a shattered void of a heart

after futures wrecked.

Figures of speech,

realities never chased,

put closer as a lifeless possession…



From the sound of your voice,

to the skin that suffers a touch.

Sensitive is

the life you chose.

Small eyes so full of light

see the world, its beauty

while facing its cruelty.

A heart so gentle,

muscles so tender,

one so needy of care

in a world that for her value

has no glare.


Not an understandable meaning

for it’s too rare to be faced,

priceless treasure of self

surrounded by disgrace.

Given will

taken liberty.

An unknown whole

with an expression of bravery.

‘Hidden lights’

Revealing myself bare,

a taken curse to carry,

open scars shown

to thee,

that has my worry.

Wishes regarded

thoughts of a fool’s mind,

to start all over

and meet you another time,

for now I possess lights

with hidden shine

that you’ll see,

if one day I call you mine.


Minutes useless.

Time lays

without your presence


A blink of an eye

an eternity to forget.

To touch,

to clutch,

to see!

Your whole carried everything

that I’ve lost in me.

I’d like to deny it,

but my heart rests in thee.

‘At time’

At time,

a love give

a love to get,


of twisted lips wet.

‘Foolish love’

I wish I held

a passage of a feeling,

so after the passage of winds,

nothing I’d have.

In love,

as a kid that knows nothing about,

with eyes that flinch

and guts that pinch.

Foolish is the love

that I give as a curse,

to you, yours

being myself terrified to disclose.

‘Love me or hate me’

Admire the depths of my eyes,

love me,

or hate me without disguise.

Judge or forgive,

take what I plead

or give what I need.

Cherish me as no other before

burn my soul

until our hearts burst.

Kill me with your love,

destroy me with your worst.

Hate me as no other so,

drag me in the mud

of your most cruel words.

Have no mercy of me

or put me as a precious part of your whole.


How hard it is

to walk away from your eyes

in order to forget this.

Regretful of every step taken

further away from your smiles.

Difficult it is to move,

return to places northerns of nowhere.

To stay…

If there was a choice to take…

Morals! Sense!

Why we’ve met?!

Greed! Ego!

Why are you the ones I hate?


Tell me why did you came.

‘Burst of…’

Can I say it without a blush?

Can I see you without crash?

Will I have your love in time

or forgetting you is a must?

Tell me please,

for I suffer without you,

have pity of me

for I love you.

How fast was it?

A day? Two?

Since the beginning I knew

I'd be lost in you.

My dear,

so small you are,

fragile indeed,

I can give my life to care for you

although I'm the one in need.

‘Myself to you (Real)’


seeking for myself

once known,


To say towards one


is easy when there's rain

and you have cover.



How can I explain?...

I can't.

I don't know what to say.

I can't ask for your love,

so I beg in silence for what's yours.

I can't tell you

how you make me feel,

for I can't still distinguish

illusions from what’s real.

So many knives stuck in.

My soul still bleeds.

Your eyes pure,

views deep,

your presence...

all I need.

‘Three stacks of dreams’

I crave you

as dry sands long for water,

You, to me denied,

as ugly faces are to flatter.

If I had you,

sweet thought this is,

you'd forget pain,

and the world dismiss.

... words of a man

that has nothing,

but what to miss.

‘Hold me’

Hold me,

if only for a moment, two

so I can regain my lost soul

and give it to you.

Carry me in your eyes,

for I'm weak,

afraid to look into yours,

the ones that for long I seek.

‘Forget & regret the real’

Forget the words told,

feelings felt

truths held.

For I say what I feel

and what I feel is incorrect.

Nothing can I do

for a child you are no more.

Nothing can I say,

as I can’t drag your feet to my storm.

Words would be selfish,

if used to destroyed hopes

in order to keep your eyes

on mine, locked.

Regrets haunt me

for knowing eyes as beautiful as yours.

For loving you so madly

but having to let it be so.


Regrets are for the perfect

and truths for the illuded ,

so shine.

Flawless to my eyes,

with traumas and hidden scars.

Precious tears

in beautiful cries.

Be yourself.

As sinful as a full hell!

And you wont hear me say

the words many would spell.

‘For you’

As a child,

I forget words

as your eyes touch mine.



To scream your name,

a sin,

to hear it,


Incomplete phrases wander in my head


my soul bound to the same mistake.

I do it for you!

For you I stay put!

I don't want to be known

as the man who ruined the world of two.

‘Cruel fate’

Maybe it was a mistake

so beautiful that I regret,

to see your eyes for the first time

and dreaming on their wake.

Greed? Not at all

free you are to lift,

free you are to fall.

A feeling kept

guarded as a secret too wrong.

Should it be this way?

Me losing you forever

even never had?

Should it be this way?

Meanings hidden in words left to say.

Oh, Oh, cruel fate.

Why be once again complete

if pieces will soon be taken away?

‘Let me be wrong’

Should I forget your face

your soul,

your grace

and let your helpless tears roll?

Should I stand and suffer once again

for thee

who lets go of care for pain?

A deed so meaningful

but in the end vain.

Should I listen to your words blind?

For your eyes can't let go

of what rests on your mind.


Decisions are yours,

but the pain mine

to see eyes stunning lost

in arms without enough worth.

But who am I?

Who am I to say

what is right or wrong?

Who am I to speak a truth

that I know nothing of?

But oh my dear,

realities I sought

and how much I wish to be wrong,

how much I wish to be wrong...

‘Promise me’

Swear to me

that you’ll stand tall

after the fall,

that you will hold

even if you break.

Promise me!

That if your tears come

they will be of joy,

to overcome.

Look into my eyes and tell me

that you won't lose your smile.

Swear to me

that your head will be kept high

with eyes to the sky.

That your steps will be put forward,

away from what you leave behind.

Please, for I might not come again,

so let me avoid the mistake

of leaving you lonesome with your pain.

Promise me

that your soul won't change,

and your heart will disengage.

Tell me

with all the words to say

that you'll keep this debt to yourself.

so I can peacefully go away.

‘See you again’

Oh, if you knew

the torture

the pain,

of baring the will of seeing you again.

Your eyes,

everywhere they are

but never your face.

If I could only tell you

the words ripped from my mouth

by your smile,

the tension of my heart

knowing what would come.

Unpleasant is

this luckless luck

of knowing heaven in a soul

that must be forgot.


Oh my,

how precious would it be

to me,

to give another look at your eyes.

‘If I could say that I love’


Dying in silence.

For how long I'll have to wait?

An eternity?

A day?

To forget...

To try I’ve no strength,.

A mind confused.


a screaming heart.

How strong will I have to be?

How long will you take to see?

To realise...

that I can't take you out of my mind.

I could say that I love you,

but I'm still waiting for reasons to try.

‘Myself to you (Ragging sea)’

Disguised in snow

buried frozen cold,

with eyes that glare

waiting for a soul to flare.

Moving, around

torn and broken down,

anxious for a message of hope

while looking at the ground.

Don't show me the skies,

leave me be

if you can't take me

where your fingers point to see.

Stay and walk with me,

towards nowhere,

where I want to be,

show me Home or show me Hell.

Don't you dare to make me feel.

Embrace me

if you know how to swim,

for I’m a raging sea

that cradles while you sink.



a faithful friend,

for it's better to be alone,

than in arms that restrain.


A painful freedom,

that clears eyes using tears,

calming a mind

once filled with fears.

A bitter sensation

with a discrete taste of sweet,

because some victories

are only ours to perceive.

‘From words to whispers’

Will my love for you ever die?

Will it ever fade

from words to whispers?

Would my heart be able to stand

an unforgettable absence,

and withstand such madness?

It never wanted

to give itself like this.

Maybe I've lost my wits,

maybe I've lost my wits.

Your name

sounding with memories never lived,

garnished words never said,

known to both

in the eyes of our mistakes.

‘The vain’

Have my breath

have my air,

kill me at once

or see my soul to spare.

Leave and be cruel

for I only feel nothing without you.

Death or pain.


Give me anything,

but this vain.

A sense,

or take it all away

for I had a route in your eyes

and I've lost my way.

‘Setting free’

It's better to lose

than to break

what you can't fix.

To let go

even knowing you'll miss.

Some things are beautiful,

when they are not meant to be.


After it, what does it rest?

Words of emptiness,

silences of sorrow

sadness at it’s crest.

After that

what makes sense?

What light stays?

How does sweet taste?

After beautiful times,

smudged pasts,

souls of broken glass...

The desire

of relive what was left behind.

‘Am I wrong?’

How wrong am I

when I dream?

What evil do I cause

when I imagine her?

Who do I hurt

but I

when illusions are mine?

To hold off your pain

and make you smile.

To have words

concealed in silence.

To whom I give pain

but to myself

when I choose this torturous absence

over your sadness instead?

‘My never’

A mixture of pain and sadness

as the cover of a smile

hid with tears in one’s eye.

Funny it is,

to be so familiar with love

but not knowing what is this.

A sweet agony to feel

with her loose at her heals,

taken in my imagination

where such presence my soul trills.


The disarming shine

of an innocent charm,

a devilish nature inside

leaving me sleepless nights.

Merciless memories of your eyes.


For so long we are apart.

Eras have passed

since we last touched.

Why?! If your steps are drawn

to roads chosen,

and my heart is still guarded,


I want to have these nights.

I need to rest my mind.

To creep out the possibility

of having loved you

if you only tried.

‘Mistakes of a loving soul’

Forget my struggles of love,

forgive my words.

Clumsy attempts offered,

mistakes of a loving soul.

In wrong times I’ve met you,

or at right times I’ve dreamt

with foolish thoughts of showing

what now one must forget.

Your verses the future have set,

to move away,

to put you as only a story,

a chapter of this life

that I cannot bare to forsake.

‘To feel again’

To reveal what was ignored

and given to the ashes.


want to feel,


lose myself

in arms that I trust,

expecting falls

as cruel as they must.

I want to...

lose my mind,

forget sanity..


innocently sinful

with a blaze in my gaze,

with skin in my nails.

I... want to...

if you...


Telling myself that I’m free of you,

that my mind is not,

that my body doesn't long

that someone else can suffice

your presence.

Thinking that I am free

to love again

someone that doesn't carry your name.

‘Letting go’

A name too fresh in the memory,

sounds of it still send shivers

while I try not to be consumed

by tempting silences.

As the ink of a tattoo still wet,

the lingering pain still there,

a meaning to it,

a story written in my soul

forever treasured,

remaining quiet...

a wish to let go,

without letting you fall,

for your tears are too precious to me,

but forbidden to hold.

‘Questions left unanswered’

You could be my salvation,

but your ways hold my damnation.

Your lap could be my home,

but I rom to avoid disgrace.

To hide my words is useless,

so is to tell what I feel.

A new story,

the same bitter end,

known already

for not knowing what's real.

Voiceless expressions

leaving responses in our wake,

to these hopeless quests

where questions answers crave.

‘I want to say’

To reveal what's already known.

If only my soul was innocent

my eyes blind.

If my heart wasn't scared

I'd rest in the arms that care.

I want to scream...

To send your name to the heavens,

and never think of it again.

For it's better that way

than feel it crush my insides

and hold the pain

of not being by your side.

‘I might be nothing’

I might be nothing.

Written words in a space left blank.

Erased memory of what was said.

I may be nothing

or just something your eyes can't take.

An excuse,

a curse,

an unknown truth for the sane.


I might be nothing to you,

as I was in other's look,

and I might still give everything one day

just to be able to one smile of yours hook.

‘Myself to you (I’m…me)’

I am a collection of pain,

a puzzle left by time,

with too many pieces missing

to be completed in fact.

A desert of chards,

a broken dust realm

that never saw peace,

an eternal wanderer

that with an immense amount of needs.

I am...

the one who makes a living out of its misery,

that holds himself in his arms

to not disintegrate.

A lost soldier,

tired from battles fought in vain.

I am... thee who gives

what he wants to receive,

I am thee who helps the weak

that will forget about him.

I'm... me.

The Little Goddess


In a mind’s tornado

a welcoming kiss

sleeping twisted, bliss

of a dreading dream to begin.


You are more than a lover.




In you I’m more than a man.

A purpose.

A will.

A life.

More than two.





I want our love to be,

I want my love to...

I want my love,

I want...

A love that can’t exist

in me.


To you, I try

to put some colour,

in me

to smiles from you order,

to the world... bland!

Less than vanilla

wishes to smoke,

taste some tequila.


I’m sorry.’

You say.

To test the boundaries of make.

An absentee

after saying you forgot,

in gigglings of child’s delight at play.


I learnt to digest pain.

No trouble with hurt.

But it seems

I, somehow

can’t deal with not having you here.


I love you.

I adore you.

I miss you.

I want you.

But I can’t be sure.

Not again.


Words caressing,

Oh so wanted,

come along

those tasty lips of yours...

Thoughts recall,

I’ve made that mistake before.

I won’t surrender so easily.


Carry guiltful sorrow

as a memory of me.

Let your conscious scream at your ears

that I wasn’t to kid with.


Smiles gone.

Sick of pleasing beautiful faces.

No importance they give.



Worthy of it, who is?

Cruel are the normal.

Detached are the pained.


The broken cling.

The broken, brokenness bring.

No hope is.


How heavy are my eyes?

How contorted my smile?

Look of what my hopes are done.

Admire the memories of a twisted mind.

For love! For love! For love they died.


Judge me for my harshness,

ostracise me for my fury.

Put me down!

... and burn with my fires of mouth,

tears of mine you won’t feel

as my pain boiled them out.


I don’t want your love.

I don’t need such thing no more.

Realities are cruel,

as they themselves have shown.


As tears evoked

laughters burst

after a moment of poise.


Perceiving all they say,

as lies.


Will I ever know the true you?


The hides

the runs

the catches

why bother,

if attention is what you seek

as you want nothings?


My ‘I love yous’ are worn.


When eyes shut

hands grip

nails take

skin tares,

no complaints

used to pleasures give

and pain take.


Light hearts

uneasy ways of mine,

little by little

bathing in the light of your shine.


How vulnerable am I?


What’s this love I offer?

I was sure I had none.


Thirdly given

to once-in-a-lifetime love.

Shady honest trust.


Thoughts on you

all the time,

love, lust



Thoughts on you

from time to time,

as inspiration brings focus.




It all seems


child’s play.

Oh, the heartless chests

of soulless women...

I know them well.

The aftermath.

Guilty of crimes that others committed


being said awhile that I’m loved.


Hells contained within

tears of past



urges to air

from your mouth


as I bleed myself to you.






to be myself again

feels strange,

how long will I last in us?

Am I the only player?



Maybe I’m already too deep.





You gave me a glimpse of love

and as no other,

I was yours.


Please don’t make me hate you.



as a fool you label me,


I freeze as I boil.

A middle ground is not there.


Let me crawl into your lap,

and for the first time

find one entirely there.


Risk your heart

be a fool,

let them play you

like they used to do,


and then dull,

Lie to yourself that they care

that the love you give to them

is the love you’ll get.


Loving you above my silly reasoned fears.


I wish that by your side

the seconds became longer.


Not tighter than a clamp

a heart’s gripless hold.

Isn’t this what they want?



Half in

half out.

Not that I don’t trust you,

just sick of Agony’s shout.


I am low key loving you.




Every time or eyes meet

our geese bump.


Not having,

not being owned.


unattached responsibilities,


Soft thoughts of you,



Is my love a needy lie?

To be honest,

I try.


Haven’t I

told this...

A million and one thousand times,

attempts by the hundreds


Haven’t I... Meant the same?


To fall for you?


One-sided love

brings aftermaths

of Insanity’s fever.

To care for you

and make you happy

in our endeavour,

playing along as master

and servant.


Sinfully quiet.

Divinely loud.

Secrets kept inside four walls.


Staying away

of old flames,

teachers of what there is to know

if you listen carefully,

no heartbreaks you will sow.


Ties to be remembered.

Marked by fingers

of you wet.


There isn’t much to it.

No, no.

Nothing more there is.

Moments together are eternal, yes

but our luscious love forms weak bonds.


Arms around...

Tchilly sleep.

Trust is all we need.


Spines vibrate,

Legs shake a little,

moist they get.

Muscles remembrance

a smile on your face.


How we adore to hear

heart shaped lies.


I refuse to pour my heart out to you.

I will not let my love

be wasted down your drain.


If I told you I loved you,

how many letters would you consider true?


I like you.

That’s bad.


World! Gift me loneliness

with her, lonely

by my side.


I hoped that only the sinful bounded us

but, oh...

How feelings catch up fast.

How long will we last? At best.


Helplessly falling for ya.

Will it hurt?

Will it hurt?

I’ll leave soon.

Can I wait for ya?

You shouldn’t wait for me.


Find the tones of my love

hidden deep bellow my skin.

Dig your nails into me,

dig them deep.


I will not

rush myself...

to rise your soft spirits,

and crush your dreams...

I’ not that guy.

I will not...

Express my words

pregnant with feelings...

to find out,

how wrong we where.


I’m not blaming my past,

but oh, I can not lie

nor ignore the fact

that it leaves in oneself it’s marks.


Oh, dreadful loneliness visits

when your body isn’t fused with mine.

Lonesome I feel,

when your back do not my chest confine.

Only you my dear know,

how happy I am

when your arms are around

the existence mine.


You, on top

Laid across...

Welcomed weights push down,

cutting my breath

lifting my spirits up.


In your sweetness

you tame me.


Lighting fires

I put dead,

ravishing a mind

where there's nothing left,

constructing a dust-made realm

inside a soul

that too much has left.






My wet tongue on your skin





move yourself

to pleasure obey.


Reflections of you yeast my mind.

Dreams of sinners

lurk my nights.

Requests of nudity

seem to be fine.

To fill your insides

and have you as mine.



Soon-to-be mistakes.


If the world crumbles,

I wish

to see it fall by your side,

kissing in the wake of the aftermath.


Innocent eyes

hide beasts,


that lurk


to my breaths feast.


Evoke hells upon me

to unguard myself

from draining your flows.

My darkest demons summon.


So I make you shake,

satisfied face,

smiles and quivers

while I drink your rivers.


Conversations in muteness

attempts of explaining

what isn't understood.

To you, to you

I reveal parts of me

that doubtfully I knew.

Aself broken anew

trying to mend in pleasures

and feelings impure.



letting myself go

losing my soul

in your eyes.

Lips, nightmare.

I want... Them!

Beauty defying.

Give me a way

To your mind explain,

as you inspire me

leaving my heat,




form heat exchanges

watery lips

sitting in dry mouths.

Tongues that creep

in ass cheeks,

sweaty smell of thee

tasteful parts to eat.



‘Dead pulse nourishment’

Flowerless lips


in soft pretend wantings,

a kiss,

shivers down the spine


‘To be completed’

There is something missing.

A Fuck to give.


A heart's door beats,



as lessons of love weep.

‘Deliveries of some sort of love’

A hand,


on you,,

for smiles, no less.

A hand,

holds you,

close to distress,

close to.


or out,

making a mess out of you.

‘Normal eyes in the dark’


Hearings mine,

of your seductive

with myself busy voice.

Stops, slurps,


My begging laughters

of unfelt pleasures toned.

Nothing alike before.

‘To Cuculand’

'You won't cum today'.

Tortureful hands,


Eternal drive-throughs

to Cuculand,

insanity gifted

accountable timeless minutes,

desperation on my pleads

unwanted which,

of graces given

by mouths sucky.

Payback of treaties given even.

‘Point to insane’

Giveth to insanity me.


for moments,

to feel hell, heaven


grace, misery,


Giveth to Insanity!



Render yourself

to nothingness euphoria,


drug yourself in it's mystery.

Let yourself be.


Do I...

Want to know?

To feel,


the past

in the illusion I'd last,

for the first time,

when I ought

to myself outcast?

Want to go back

To those left,

as ask,

forgiveness, patience, strength

at last,

and show tenderness of sides,

the smoothest of hearts?

Do I?


‘Have me! At last.’

Understand my body

and have my mind.

About my soul, don't ask.

Kept tight

in a shattered flask

for my heart doesn't mention

a quick response,

for questions that don't last.

‘My favourite kind of pain’

Short claws

tearing away my skin,

bruises to wish

marks of lavish....

Your legs

on the sides of my face,

gentle quakes

felt while crushed

I miss...

To have you again,

I wish.


Be reborn...

barely alive in your kiss,

in eras where apathy rules

and vanity creeps.



in your arms...

... in bliss.

‘Intensity of flames dim’

In memory

my muscles twitch,

by memory

my breath flees.

Asking in silence,

'Is my touch by you missed?'


I wouldn't have given you

my body,

if you didn't conquer my mind.

I wouldn't show you

my weakness,

if you didn't enter my heart.


Queen of lunacy,

Possessor of time.

Seducer, Teaser,

Torturer of mine.


If I was

Who I was,

once I were,

for you I'd fall.


Precious prisoner,

delicate lamb of mine.

‘Naughty girl skills’

A oh so daring no

as smiles

your hidden intentions dress,

on vagueness

upon words of ‘I'll think abouts’


shown as a naughty girl's skirt,

shades of skin

seen in ways

oh, so brief.


Young, fresh in breaths of time

no more than an inhale motion,

but wise

full of world's notion.

We understand

the plays of love

the misery held as gift

of those who dare to engage,

in these honey games.

Young in the breaths of time,

but we know

when to hold

and for how long.


Feed me

my own lust,

plant blood's burst

in my veins,

to harvest thrust.


Gracious little one-headed lamb.

You won the game

I dared to play,

bamboozled by looks of innocence.


Worry not of me,

you have no heart to break

as non heart is mine to give.

Just friends,

no more

with plays, unholy, ish.


Maybe that's why I adore you,

wild, free,


Yep. That's why I adore you.

I can't hold you.

I can't own you.

‘Tug of love’

Domesticating my stupid heart

to stand

by his own.

Training my stupid soul,

to be old.


To touch you

without the burn...

To crave you

unexpecting the return,

to dream of you

wild and awake

in sleepy moans

before harsh inhaling.

You are... dazzling,

to me,

even before

I again your eyes see.


Losing my self

In your eyes

that my void drain.

Breaths of you fed

my inability to perceive,

touches of your hands

dry my mouth

in begeth

and unwanted pleads.


Smiles on me lost

come back to visit,

and stay.




of else's

as they can't compare...

Forgetting veils of sadness

with the smile foolish

you left.


Forget love,

mind not passion.

Ablaze me in your madness.

Let me live,

for once.

Take back

have me all, for yourself.


A lighter feeling

stronger wavers of emotions

that to No-one belongs.

Having you in the corner of sight

rolling in the yard of my mind...

I know,

saneness was never mine.


Winds of your voice

to the ambers of me

bring dance.


At times

thoughts of you

leave me breathless.


Ramblings of imaginings

you on top

breathings cut

to drench


taste tastes

of crazy

to Paradise,



Softness spills from,

thoughts of you fill...

a head kept quiet

a soul once still.


Living suffocated

when not dying at your lips,


a feeling

that no one will miss,

as I wish

to be free

from other lips' kiss.


Let the noises of loud music

cloud the voices inside my hellish head.

Let the imagery of your lap comfort me

as I crumpled lay in bed..


Halfway into this voyage.

And part of me

already screams for you.


Not everyone

can handle you.

Your thorns aren’t to be plucked

as they are part

of the perfection of your rose.


A twisted beautiful mind

a love that I want mine

always in time

caress and appreciation thine.


Arrest me in you.

Teach me how to trust.

To forget.



The sound of rain

evokes you in my mind

in every drop

the skies do pour

I love you even more.


Their eyes

don’t have yours’s shine.

Their heads

don’t hold your mind.

Their love isn’t mine.

I’ll return,

in time.


Time tests

we are put through,

one, three, two.

Flowing one each other into,

I could have anyone

but I only want you.


Every word I think to say to you is sin,

every word I want to express to you is forbidden.

I miss your rule over me.

I crave my Goddess back.

‘ ’

If kisses were the same,

I wouldn’t rather yours.


I want this to end

as I count the days

to see you.


Kiss my head

entrust me in you bust.

Hum lullabies

let me sleep

in thee chest that vibrates.

Love me, I plead.


My mind replays

what uncertainties saw never

possibility that quietly creeps.

In silence of it myself i keep.


Not you...

Only you,

The future is untrue.

Wish I could see my illusions come true.

Too much

too long

a clear mind in a blur.

I’m sorry,

not, let me lay in you.

Leave me alone.


Release my feelings

words of lovely confessions


fear’s prisoners,

so fickle destiny

no control over choices of you,

still a smile bared.


I hold myself

in order not to burn

atop of your flames.


I wanted you

while you weren’t here,

I wished you from far,

I avoided.


Down to earth.

Show me how you dance

when legs tremble

and chests are hot.


They will never do what I did

they will never do it how I do,

they will never be me,

like I do, They will never adore you.



Pastimes for lonely nights

burning chests

fuelling tangled minds,

saying of voids

fearsome tries.


An useless arrange of words

loving attempts

to save what’s wrong,

as adults swim

in children’s woe.


Can I

create in you

the most beautiful of smiles?

Dream over you

in trippy nights...?

Can I hold you close

and think of you as mine?


Let me fix you,

maybe I’ll find

the cure to myself.


Friction my veins

blood rush

one that will surely regret

his stupid tries.



Have I gone mad?

Yes. Yes I have.

How can I not

when your eyes create mayhem?

A panther

that likes to be treated as a kitty.

Give me your fangs

every inch of me

if you can.

Your eyes, oh...

god have mercy upon mine,

your hips

curvy delights

if untaken,

I'd hunt 'till mine.


Burning in my chest

you are


simple as in thoughts

as in realities.

So loved you are,

I wish I'd understand why

I almost never loved so deeply,

a barer of toned skin

crafted eyes,

that with such softness

look wantingly towards me.


It's no better than a thought

a chance is a chance

and no certainties are given

to where hearts could be driven.

You are grace,

as temptations touch me

after you've left.

Appearing to me as a trace

of the most beloved stares,

still childish

so soft to embrace.

I wish, so hardly

that I could be,

by your side

caressing your mind

as times pass endlessly by.


As If sick

laying in a bed


numbed I wish to be

so of my thoughts of you

free I could be.


Not enough,


fearing nothing

for most things can't be defined.

In my mind,

not always romance,

mostly greyness

along with the desires

of unfinished loneliness.


Leave me alone

standing by my side,

so I can crawl up your lap

and cry.

Be my strength

when I need to be weak,

be my weakness

when will is a need.

Fill me with your nails

so I can bleed.

tear my lungs apart

so I can breathe...

Destroy my heart again,

or preserve it in your hands.

Let me feel.


Let me keep

the words

to myself

and let you



with somebody else.

Let me lose you

giving my silent love,

let me have you

like it was a matter of choice.


I can't be sure

like all the times before

that I've been broken down

after putting my heart to show.

Ask me to be secure,

as manly as it gets,


ask me to put on a testosterone show,

and love me then

as I really am,


a hidden true self.

Put one more thorn

in this space filled heart of mine

if you wish,

be another one only to remember

that left

for a Life’s twist.


A mistake?


Will I regret it?


But it's better this way...

To have you freely

to gaze you innocently,

enjoying the sweet presence of yours.



To bring myself towards you.


Once more

To find love.


What do my eyes say

that you see so clearly

while my tongue forms no words?

What does my ways say

after I hide my intentions in shades?

What, who am I

towards the sake of your eyes?

Tell me.



May I dare to look into your eyes

one more time,

and tell the tales hidden

of my love for you.

May I dare to feel,

and show you what's real...

I shall prove

that your fantasies can be true.

Childishness of ours,

foolishness of theirs,

to leave behind,



If one knew that this is how it'd be

I'd take it sooner.

Show you,

the blindness of the world towards you.

Preciousness tasted too soon.

How damaged is your heart?

For I see pieces of tears in your eyes,

shards that you hold,

with memory’s torment

leaving nothing left to forge.


I want to be your shadow,

the force of your moves,

holder of your tears,

keeper of your stares.

I wish I could be by your side,

for an ever in time,

defying the world

and its prejudice,

defending you

from your own unkindness.


Let me hold you...

like I never had the chance to.

Let me show you

all the little spots in you

left unloved, unseen.

Grace fills your eyes,

strength in your heart,

a minute soul,

immense enough to behold.


Am I eluding myself?

Once more?

Or am I being fooled for the millionth time straight.

Is this real

or a pure phase of butterflies in my guts

that soon will fade?

Will I stay?

With my own will.

Or will I watch myself leave,

while standing still?


Is my voice enough

to give you chills

or I need to touch your skin

in order for you to feel?

How many hours more will pass

for the pain in your heart be surpassed?

I will wait.

Don't worry

I will wait,

For your eyes to shine.


Read my eyes

while I dream of you

giving you thoughts

that I do not understand.

Drift my mind,

carry me in your sight,

hear my calls of loving despair

when having you far from me,


to kill the pain that lurks.

Making home in your pasts sweet.

Let me know

about the feelings of your tears

so I can understand

the voice of your silent ways.


I apologize for loving you so hard.

Doing my best,

to be reasonable

letting you breathe

from time to time.


I'm a blaze

that rushes towards what's loved,


giving back what's lost.


Love songs can be sang by a distance,

words of care can be said from far

as one knows

how much damage can be done.


Burn me slowly

to have me as yours.

Dash me to ambers

and let me go away

as I feed the winds with your love,

or be courageous enough

if you wish to spare me so,

to break me apart.


Love and care

come along with despair

hard stares

and stay always.

I've seen this already,

Tentatives of softening

to blindness bring,

freedom of doings from me

jokes of sincerity.

Trust once and trust no longer,

but playing with hearts

won't make you stronger.


Is it wrong for me to hunger your skin

as one craves air after

the entire ocean depth swim?

Am I wrong in loving you

but wanting your lips,

desiring to take from your body a soul?

Am I wrong in waiting to love you

in my ways

until the dusk passes

and the sunlight blow?


Don't let me leave

for I am not used to stay.

Hold me,

as close you can.

I know the path to distance.

Bare me

if you are able to withstand,

for my head is a mess

and my earth has no lands.

Listen, if you wish

my words reckless.

I can be,

as cold as it gets,

for once minded too much

and they proved themselves.



Hold me

for I am cold.

Mess my mind,

play with my hair

when I ask to be left alone.

Be there

when tears of wind blow,


try to understand my silences,

for they are the way I talk.


I'll make you love me

I will make you hate me,

drown in words innocently

die in kisses willingly.

I'll show you pain

and taste misery,

forget the world

to be with me.

Offer you madness

for you already know sadness

in screams,

in silence.

Let you know my creed

because that's how I was taught to live

to love,

to breathe.


-‘I hope you are fine.’

- ‘I hope I am fine too.’

Érica Silva



As smiles are left behind.

Laying in your lap.

I wonder. I imagine.

Hopeful. Deviated. Undertowed.



Words dry

grainy in destinies untracked,

improbable encounters

in its roots.


For so long I've been alone,

a comfort that few know

along with the pain on the chest

that makes you forget how to feel,

in the tides of time,

as you fade along each wave.

For so long I chose

to be alone,

with hope shortly gone

in the world cruel,


walking bravely

with eyes showing strong,



Now you ask, me

to be strong

by your side....


I... once...

thought, believed...

I guess...

that there were people,


now, all ... less.

I, once,


second chances,

now... they are...

value... less.

Don't! ... Cross. THE LINE!


And you did it...

Just to see,

how it'd be.

Even knowing,

that I... leave.

Érica Ederiza (Patinha)

‘The undisclosed’

Vastness to explain,

words concealed

keeping secrets away.


Shrouded sayings in eyes,

by uniqueness

being foolishly mesmerized.

I’d give everything,


to have you by my side


endlessly satisfied.

A mystery,

to me.

Why I love you,

why I want you,

when imprisoned in my past

by promises long forgot.


I’d become your reflection

if you asked to,

to preserve tears inside your eyes.

I‘d forget it all,

if my memories

compromised your smiles.

‘The hips of madness’

Of a world

that didn’t want me

now prisoner of your being

for you owned insanity.

Deep. Seductive.

Body of an angel,

eyes childish.

Curves where dangers rules,

ways reaper of souls.

If I could

I’d rip your wicked games through kisses,

write my name in your skin


My existence wants you

as if my last breath tailed.

Your light attracts me,

a thirsty confused moth.


pits where my reason fell


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