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Aeidein Lamentari

Musings of Unrequited Love

Darq Rose

Aeidein Lamentari Copyright © 2011 by Darq Rose. All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review. 

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Darq Rose
Visit my website at https://www.facebook.com/darqroseofficial/ 

Printed in the United States of America 



CONTENTS

Introduction

Part I: Falling In

Boys

The embodiment

Strong coffee

Lingering thoughts

Kiss

Uncovered

Awake

Dreams

He takes me

Why can’t we?

Song

Forever is now

Psalm

Godsend

Pneuma, sarx & soma


Part II: Fallout Out

My affinity, m affair

How does a heart break?

On my mind

To the hand that holds the vase

There is no joy

I was your friend first

Erase you slowly

Fuck boy

Bittersweet goodbye



Part III: Moving on

Turn

See?

I was wondering

Sand paper

Knight

Love is forever

Knowing

Love affair

Love grows from many places


Epilogue: Asleep


About The Author


introduction

Aeidein Lamentari is a collection of poems, songs, psalms, and reflections on life. They have been arranged to tell a story of love and heartbreak and survival. Each of the pieces in this volume has been previously published separately and brought together as a collaboration called “aeidein lamentari”, which translated from Greek means “sing lament”.

The majority of the pieces are done in a non-traditional format. The styles and tones vary, as does the language, from one piece to the next. While most of the pieces were written specifically for printed media, there are some spoken-word pieces included that I have performed at various poetry sets (Strong Coffee, Asleep, Uncovered).

These pieces were inspired by my “tower” experience in the early 2000s. In the Tarot, The Tower card represents a sudden change that shakes your foundation and leaves you picking up the pieces of your life. We go through a tower experience when we are stagnant and getting in the way of our own progress. When the tower energy passes through you it’s like being in the middle of a tornado. You don’t know which way the winds of change are blowing, and everything you were holding on to will be scattered. You have to move on and start over.

I hope this collection resonates with you and provides encouragement in your own life and experiences.




Darq Rose

part I

Falling In







I like to think of this part of the book as more than just the beginning. It sets the tone for our experience before and after we meet someone and fall in love.

Boys




If I were in the country

and I met a boy

I know he would love me and his love would be true


he dreamt of me,

there was no other like me

because I was so far away

I was in the city


The country boy waited for me

knowing I’d fill his atiptoe vision

he distinguished me through simplicity

I caught his eye


He is uncomplicated and genuine

No malice hides inside

He does not ache to shame me but only waits to love


He is an open book at the sleeve

With him all is real and all is genuine

He has beheld our lives together


He knows what is good

He knows how to appreciate

The country boy is most sincere

When he comes to ask my hand


I am the one. I’m the only one

The one he ought to share his life with

and call his bride

To add to himself a “Missus”


He stands in contrast to the city boy


While I am in the city

I see a boy who knows no bounds

A fast boy

His hardness scrapes me as he passes by


Once I tried to touch him

But he was too mobile

Moving quickly from one place to the next

Going from one flesh to the next


He is automatic

Living pieces of life here and there

Leaving pieces of self, there and here

No one can truly know him

I tried to know him in the few moments that he gave me

He said to me I’ll break your heart

Though my ears heard I love you


The city boy eludes us all

He follows the next thing he sees

I reemerged into his field of vision

all too common to catch his eye


I coexist with his shadows

The only essence that hasn’t gone

This ghostly form that trails behind him

keeps me from being alone


In the country awaits a young suitor

A young man after my heart

If I reach him, I’ll be rescued from the pain of loneliness


....But I live in the city

The embodiment




It is every woman’s desire to uphold and cherish

her man

She has birth pangs and travails for his embodiment

on hands and knees

This is a love unseen, unheard

It is true

It is the peace of mind in every woman to hold on to

her man

He is her hero, the only one she can have

This is love unseen, unheard of

It is true

It is a pleasure to every woman to hear a man praise her

and it goes on and on

This is love

A man’s devotion is like a facet of a brilliantly cut gem;

a woman’s best friend

This is love, it is true

How beautiful, how beautiful, how uniquely beautiful

you are to me

My man

Your devotion to me, as a sparkling gem, a secret thing

This is our love

No one but us needs to know

Strong coffee





His words whet my thirst

like strong coffee

no sugar, no cream

just ground Columbian beans

of poetic skill

where the steam stills

over the cup of poignancy

It's all good

I can taste his rhyme and

reason in flavorful sips

Someone pass me a spoon

can't wait for it to cool

down my throat

in big gulps

I drink him deep

and swallow hard

I love when his aroma

fills the air,

makes time stand still,

and my mind wake up

Poised and ready

for the second cup

Pure oral pleasure

prods the senses

next to him there is nothing,

nothing in comprehension

that will pick me up

like his caffeinated prose

touches the tip

of my fancy

and fills my cup

overflowing to exemplify

my morning high

So I greet each day

with the same reply:

Strong coffee, please

no sugar, no cream

lingering thoughts


Happy memories carry me

Sedately from hour to hour

I lose track of time

This way, often I am just not aroused by

Anything more than my love’s image

I love him, almost perfectly

By nature I am hungry for affection

Little drops of tenderness here and there

Break down my resistance to be vulnerable

Turning my outward nature in

Turning my inward nature out

kiss


With every kiss

You slay me well

And your mouth

Plays a symphony

Everywhere it touches

I quiver

At the sensation

You give

Every time you

Plant a kiss, at

The nape of my neck

The small of my back

The corner of my mouth

The gap in my breasts

The ball of my calf

The curve of my hip

The lobe of my ear

With every kiss

I feel you

Coming closer

Being near

uncovered


Romantic slave

You’re in my field of vision

So with outstretched hands I touch

That which makes you appealing to me

I don’t ask, I take

I cannot ask, I take

I’m afraid to ask, so

I can only take what

I cannot just receive


And you are to me an

Idolatrous mystery

Though I know you well

Enough


To see you as more than a conquest

To relish time spent in your presence

To not be pettish

Not be crude

Not whine

When I know I am your romantic slave

Instead of you being mine

awake


When I am aroused from sleep

Sentiments once blurry

come into full vision

at the exact moment I

turn to look at you


I won't utter the three words

From times past

in an exercise of discipline

that conceals thoughts of you

becoming vulnerable

to what haunts me

when I’m apart from you

Now I ask

How do I adore thee?

How do you adorn me?


You lay upon me

Every effort of passion within

and make my visitation

with your soul

where I live the rest of the day

though you have kissed me

though you have turned

though you have gone away



I'm there, in motion,

holding out, holding on,

finding my way

through the maze of echoing

that puts clouds in my mind

and provoke wondering…


I slowly rouse from daydream

to familiar hunger

for what I know to be the

best part of the day

You

dreams


Dreams are all I have

Of you to own

So within this realm of

Being

Pleasure comes in sleep

In my unconscious mind

I behold you

And as I lay still

my body feels you

he takes me


Subtly…


Unspoken vows waft through ears

hungry for a lover’s benediction

tranquil words fill an expanse

of mind estranged from

gentleness

skin feverish to the touch

against my own, my lover

clings passionately


Sensually…


Role-play enters the act of love

Making its foray of all subtlety

Dominance lurks in my eye; submission in his

Rigor like horse and Rider

Coat the room with a new scent

I ride the saddle of monogamy

Leading the horse to water

only on my passions

concealed in the cleft he loves


Seductively…


We make nectar from my flower

For the honey our future holds

I am ripe

And taste not like a lover

But a wife

Sips he takes from me this night

He slowly takes for life

why can’t we?


I want you badly

So much that my heart

Has to remind my body

To breathe sometimes

When I’m caught up in the

Memory of you and I

Being free from

A time past


The memory lingers

And reminds my soul of

What was

Till a pang

Pulls me back to present

- the place I’m in

That you are not


I contemplate telling you all

The secrets of my heart

Until inhibition sneaks

Up on and makes me

Hide back in my shell

Waiting

For the opportune time

To show a little of the

Whorish side behind

This innocent face

song


You are the only home I’ll ever know

Though my heart has captured you

I have met my crowned glory

Though hope waits upon white clouds

My destination is here on earth

With you

Gentle you

A treasure simplified in you

The highest praise to my royal groom

To end every morning

forever is now


It's hard to say

this is forever

Neither of us owns forever

Neither one has seen it

to know what it holds

Such foolish promises are

based on forever

When all we have are

our lives to own today


So forever is now

Because I want you now

and need to see you now

and long to touch you now

squeeze and caress you now

I want you right now

I need to hold you now

Cuddle and be with you

Believe in Love, my heart's on fire

It whispers your name in my ear

in my sleep


So my dreams tell me about you

And my conscience knows you at wake

You … throughout my soul,

till passion overpowers Love

And the strength of us lies

in my desire to be your second home


You know me in many ways

Come touch me now

Today

Because forever is now

psalm


You are beautiful to me in many ways

The man behind the handsome smile

The soft words

The soothing touch

-makes me want to cry on your shoulder

but I am too strong

and pride disallows it

Never willing to appear weak or

Vulnerable in a man’s world


This is a man’s world I live in

And love in

I play by the rules

But you have come to me

And reflect an image that plays with my emotions

Making my wounded feminine side

Stand at attention


Your sensitive side beckons my need to indulge

Girlish fantasies

And I imagine you could want what I want

To be secure in love


Could you ever be my security?

And me yours?

Could our regard for each other

Ever reach a height

That would surpass

What others say or think?


If I had looked for that

trace of pain in you before

I would have seen

that you are human now

And have been human before

-and wouldn’t expect you to be my knight


With you I am

Exhilarated

Nervous

Timid

Anxious

And my eyes see you as you are

As you want me to

I know what sets you apart from every other man

You don’t hide your feelings

And your emotions are not hardened milk in your breast

These are your truths you want me to grasp


To say “I love you” does not fill your needs

Neither do gifts capture your heart

What you want is the woman

behind the loving gestures

to just be your woman

To be your friend

To be your confidant

Your counterpart

The half that isn’t hurting to absorb the pain

And take away the restlessness

And give you the reason to be still

And rest


I know we seek the same thing

So I ask you this:

If we are both searching for the remedy in each other

Do you need me to lick your wounds before you can lick mine?


I am committed to the man behind the handsome smile

Whatever we do in our own sphere is between us

And exists outside of others rules, convictions

We live in a world where only two people exist

they come together to experience what they need

and to fulfill

godsend





If you are a God
What is your substance?
Are you flesh and blood?
Bread and wine?
Come to worship at my shrine?

With your incense offering
In the satchel at your side
Your lamentations slowly
entangle with the sweet
Fragrance of burning love

This blessed aroma you have sent
Parts my heaven

and brings forth rain
Deities and flesh have truly mingled
In this fellowship offering
Our love is manifest

in the rising smoke

Let not the sins of old
Be visited on you
This is a new beginning…a new love, so true

I incant:


A blessing as far as east from west,

found beneath the curtain on Love’s breast
Millstones and mountains are not greater to compare
With the boundless freedom love has in this pair
From the fruit of lips to the fruit of womb
Make temptation call out to the soul’s tomb
Deep calls unto deep
Consummate love entreats the mind from sleep

Let Cherubs play around the gate to passion
Concealing flames
Concealing smolder
Concealing ashes
What feelings become us which are born of this earth

pneuma, sarx & soma

(Spirit, Ego, Body)




Hope does not disappoint


With sarx we have many troubles

many conflicts with our hearts

Sarx directs soma

soma breaks down, falls apart

Soma creates its own trials

with pneuma subjected and willed

Life is flooded with misery

pneuma is inhumed and the grave filled


Life coexists with suffering.

Do not despair

We are creatures of habit


Romans 5:3&4 says:

....suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope.

Verse 5: And hope does not disappoint us.

part II

Falling Out






When relationships go wrong, and people fall out of love, the pain can be overwhelming. The following pieces describes the sadness and loss we feel through separation.


The first poem in this section, My Affinity, My Affair is about infidelity, and it is written from the perspective of someone who has internalized their partner’s actions.

my affinity, my affair



My affinity isn’t reaching

My affair is sliding down

Gravity pulling inward

All my hedonism slowed me down


The hands covered in musk oil

Drip obscenities from their acts

Who touched who first?

Or was it a random sex act?


Garner the fruits of choices

Gird the loins to slink back

Time and again wading in odium

Tacitly turning, never looking back


Open your eyes see what you see

Do what you do, call yourself free

Burns on the skin with selfish ease

Never let innocent blood flow free


Tomorrow, always tomorrow we will sing

Descant our coitus as ‘lovemaking’

But tomorrow, who will hear us chanting

The souls that consumed the lying

how does a heart break



Does a heart break forever

When you know you should love

unconditionally

And at times you can be too

sentimental

You're vulnerable in the worst way

Hoping your loved one will always stay

Faithful

To the love you give

And the caring you supply

Because it's so easy

for a love to die

And the union to go stiff

And the heart cold

The affections swim away

like blood running out of veins

taking your life with it

And so

How long will my heart break

on my mind


I sleep; a restive state of dreaming

The deepest realm of thoughts


I said I’d forgive you

Time and time again

But last night my

Memories betrayed me

And sleep that should comfort

laughed at me

All tangled in thick gusts of breath

my mind speaks


I want to be free

Liberated

From the lies that persuaded you

That took away my reason

To coalesce with you

My heart is beaten

Each time it beats out a long

Love Rhythm

An arrhythmia, now

I can’t escape


The truth that hurt me

Inside our ill-fated eurhythmy

The dance poetry created

Should have sustained

Our day spring and nights of wonder

Through all the seasons

Now the place and time

Of judgment is manifest

Not in the heart chakra

But in the third eye

Trying to divine between

The Spoken Words and

Those that lie

Taking seat in the

part of my spine that leads to dreams


I am so restless, suffering before I wake

By the memory of Love’s rejection

And the reminder of loneliness

In spirit there is waiting truth

And I chance to hear that again in slumber

to the hand holds the vase



The Rose in the garden

Has died

The fingertips that touched

It’s beautiful surface

Brought sickness instead of life

The petals have

blackened themselves and crumbled

To the ground

Its grass has become gray

Its soil hard and cracked


I pray a strong wind

blows away each piece

So that it lands in

A different place

And never has the chance

To deceive and look whole again


This flower has died

there is no joy


There is no joy

in the superficial

Not this year


No prompt to excite

No present to delight

No family to hold tight

No feeling all right


No smile from ear to ear

No comfort to replace fear

No fortune teller or seer

To predict a good New Year


So what do I do

I acknowledge what is true

Remember love when it was new

And wrote this poem to you


There is no joy

in the superficial

i was your friend first



I was your friend first

But now I’m the counselor

Trying to reach that hard part of you


When you said you found love

I rejoiced with you

Celebrated, knocked back some drinks

With you

Even tried to help school you on being true, keeping your point of view, and not being a fool


But you fell over


And I recalled how

I was your friend first

But now I’m the counselor

Trying to uplift that hard part of you


When you said you were slighted by love

I consoled you

Bought some Kleenex, offered you my shoulder

Even tried to give you the WHY’S and HOW’S and WHY, WHY, WHY of why love didn’t love you back


But you fell apart



And I recalled how

I was your friend first

But now I’m the doctor

Trying to cure what ails you


When you said you were afraid

To be alone, part of me wondered

If you were really afraid of being alone,

You’d let that one go

And kill the fear by going out and meeting someone new who’ll be here, there, and around for you


Did you hear me? This means YOU (me)

erase you slowly


I can't turn away

But time will erase you slowly

I can't turn away

Though being with you leaves me lonely and only


If I don't get away tonight

I might as well drown in my tears

No one knows how hard I fight

to make this love last forever

-or just throughout the years

I war day by day

Every hour growing further away

Too late to plead with you

It's so morose not loving you


I can't turn away

But time will erase you slowly

I can't turn away

Though being with you leaves me lonely and only


I didn't lay it down

You were my King; I'd never take your crown

I'm only obeying, believing, conceiving

That this is how it's got to be

-my love thrown back at me

I war day by day

Every hour growing further away

Too late to plead with you

It's so morose not loving you


I can't turn away

But time will erase you slowly

I can't turn away

Though being with you leaves me lonely and only


The first time I found myself was in spite of you

How much more I gained of me by losing you


I can't turn away

Though time will erase you slowly

fuck boy


Who calls me their lover

That dares forget my birthday

No card for happy Valentines

No comfort when I’m in a bad way


Who calls me his lover

When every Friday I’m alone

And candles burned for romance

Have gone out and turned to stone


Who calls me his sweetheart

Then looks for bigger and better

Whose restless ways arouse my anger

in yet another letter


Who dares say my name

And call out of the blue

To ask me for p****

The nerve of you


It is he who gets his face broken

When another man is there

Running his fingers through my hair

Now he and I will make a beautiful pair

bittersweet goodbye


The sweetest thing I ever let go

Drifted slowly from my hand

A short distance, a long distance

Until it was utterly gone

I didn’t cry, but was provoked to thought, often

I rested my memories in the dust before it settled

So I would always have a trail to find it

But not seek it out

I never want to find it again, nor

Trade my happiness with its memory for

The realities of its pain

So, I wait for another to take its place in the real

And let its home remain in memory, distant and far

But yet always so near to my heart

I have loved and I wait for love to love me back

part III

Moving On






Breaking up is hard to do, and resolving to move forward can be even harder. The important thing to remember is that it doesn’t last forever and you can find love again.


The last piece in part III, Love grows from many places, is indicative of how our energy redirects itself.

turn


Am I healing

Bringing in the salve

Of solution


Making a change

Making a go at right

Bringing me closer

To having it all


Makes my knees bend

And the trembling is cold

Atop my skin

While my hands shake

And I pray

Not to ask for a blessing

But to rid my soul of

That morose mix of stirring

In the lungs and behind each eye

Cutting off my breath

And spoiling my sight


Who gave you the heart

To try again

Who told you you could love me

How can you be so cruel


To offer everything I long for

To spoil me with desires

That drive my heart

To never let me hurt

To always be near


How can it turn

Turn around, turn around

I’m pushing away

Running from your love

See?


We both know you’re biding time

Til the one comes along

You’ll love ‘til the end of time

-Again

Like you always do

You fall in love so true

And then leave love behind you

Out of focus and out of sync

Your heart dwells on the outskirts

Of feeling

Never manifesting the thing that eludes you most

Self-love

i was wondering


I was wondering

Where the wind

Would take you

As you walked by

You’ve got some

Dues to pay

In your heart you’re a poet

A prose doctor

With deliveries to make

And life to attempt


I was watching from a window

I saw the glint in your eye


You touched my emotions

And chipped away at my heart

Confusing the two

Became a whole new fantasy


Your prose is simple dialogue

And your art is subjective

Your simple subjective combined

Makes many

Possibilities

So I was wondering

Where the wind

Would take you

As you walked by


I was watching from my window

And I saw the glint in your eye

You left me wondering

sand paper


Though abrasive at times

You gave me the polish

I need to shine

For times to come

And the more I shine

The brighter everything becomes

To me

You were here

Lighting up my world

And smoothing rough spots

Now pure like tempered glass

Each time I think I’ve had enough

I find a reason to remain

So you've become the part of me

I need to stay the same

With each cycle you bring

Something new

I treasure the part of me

Refined exclusively by you

knight


As my fractured soul

regains feeling through

your touch

I have mended

and I can once again

cherish a caress

a kiss

a sweet embrace

all for me

and from under the

cloak of stagnation

emerges a version of me

who calls you

Beloved

and tenderly loves you back

love is forever


beauty is in every

fold of life when I

blink and something

pulls me back to the

beginning of love at first

sight

I look around me and

see everything gray

turn the color of life

when I put my crayons

of perception away

How it reeks of love

now that you stepped

in and brought food

for thought

enough for two

dine with me, feed me

make me full with

the cherries from the

youthful vine

you extend to me

makes me wonder

and then know

that my time is far from up.

knowing


Knowing you means

Growing in tune

Living every day in serenity

Finding peace when I seek, knock, ask

Waking up to joy in the morning

Developing thicker skin

Making the extra effort

Reliving fond memories

Playfully taking back our youth

Looking forward to days ahead

Being happy with what I’ve got

Seeing how fortunate I am

Wanting to follow you

Having a wide range of feelings

Learning new things all the time

Always wanting more

Patiently anticipating all of you

love affair


With all my heart I can't
deny the flames you set to me
And like the clouds I drift on
when you romance me
This feeling has to float
this passion between you and me
because neither of us is
strong enough to hold
all that it is
does
was
and will be
I am so grateful
To have this love come upon me

It is the highest
honor I can ever receive
To be blessed by
and entwined with my own Spirit
in you
in me
when we're joined together
is the greatest love affair with Self

love grows from many places


Love grows from many places

in all forms of expression

out of every lifestyle

love becomes the companion

that never sleeps

in greed or lasciviousness

pried apart from morals

spelled in sounds rather

than letters of devotion

emotion, romance, feelings

always alive in

something

epilogue


The following piece is not a love poem. It is an epiphany drawn from the emotion and wisdom of the previous poems. As of this revision and publication it has become prophecy. I consider it my “call to action”.

asleep


Stirred, not shaken

Awake from sleep

In me exists time

And time keeps me

Going. Steadily. I look

Faceless in a mirror

Until I get in touch

With my Soul

And recognize

The first fruits yearning

To come out every day

Have stayed tucked away

In my mind again

Today

Because I chose to

leave myself behind

Too many times

I’ve chosen to stay asleep

Inside my own life

Behind bored, glazed eyes

And brief encounters of the mind

What is it worth to my Soul

To come up with goals

And aspire to do great

When my first love

Waits for me to stop dreaming

And come correct

Source whispers

Live life awake

Pursue the true energy

That fuels the Soul

While your clock ticks

Time away from your days


Why am I unplugged anyway

Disconnected from my heart

Soul searching in every

Bookstore

Trying to get water from rocks

We hand it over, every Time

No wonder I can’t seem

To shine

What graces do I

Expect to find

When I’m so busy living

My life

For everything else


Source whispers

Put all your eggs in one basket

Cash in all your chips at once

Live out your lifespan

Makes no difference to anyone

But remember

When you’re tired

Of all your grasping

That you’ve been asleep

And the best part of you

Still lives in dreams


Time to stop dreaming and come correct


In me exists time

And time keeps slipping away

I’m not faceless in this mirror

But teeming

At the edge

On the brink

Of coming out of myself

Seeing my pain vindicated

And my life justified

By my own words

I’ll live and die

Off the clock

Not on vacation time

Or sick days

No, not a one

Can give me life

like I’ve just done

Taking the time

to write this poem

I’ve become

Stirred, not shaken

Awake from sleep

about the author





Darq Rose is an American fiction writer based in Southern Wisconsin. Her artistic composition combines horror, occult, fantasy, Sci-Fi and metaphysical subject matter. In her spare time, she combines the study of Western Esotericism with Eastern philosophy and spiritual practices.


Her new urban fantasy novel Jet Black Dawn is available in multiple ebook formats through Smashwords.


https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/881512


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