Excerpt for Kennie Over Everybody by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Kennie Over Everybody

by Kennie Kayoz

Copyright 2018 Coyotes Publishing

Smashwords Edition


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So Close To Happiness

I'm so close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness



Everytime I spend time with her, I feel like a video game character

My happiness meter always overflows.

All we do for the most part is talk and be close to each other

I've never felt that way when I talked to anyone before



She's the only one who makes me feel that way

Such a sweetheart that she is, she curls up in my lap like a little kitten

The closeness is what we embrace, at times just hearing her voice

Makes all the difference in my day.



I'm so close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness



Such an affectionate little creature she is.

When she looks at me I see her brighten up with a big smile

Remember that one day when I surprised her at work.

Short chat, hug and kiss and on my way



Later that evening we texted and she told me it made her day

A smile definitely grew upon my face

Never thought I would have that affect on anyone I met

Clearly she is different in more ways than I can count



She continues to do little things to make me smile

I try to do the same

Hopefully I have the same affect on her.

Can see it in her eyes that she's completely smitten



Love seeing that look in her eyes

Makes me feel like I'm doing something right

No wonder I feel like I always want to be with her

She just makes me feel like



I'm so close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness

So close to happiness



Kennie

Come Over Tonight And...

Come over tonight and fuck everywhere

Let me bend you over there, there and there

Before hand I will hold you up against things

While we make out



I will kiss you in places that you've never been kissed before

Just want you to feel me all over your body

As I look into your eyes and see that look once again

Being completely smitten



At times it comes as a complete surprise when things start

Completely spontaneous but I know that your good with that

Since I've learned quickly that I can do no wrong

Everything I do seems to get you wetter and wetter



Come over tonight and fuck everywhere

Let me bend you over there, there and there

Before hand I will hold you up against things

While we make out



Let me do what I do to make you start breathing heavy

As your completely taken away from all your stress

Everything leaves you as you drip



Come over tonight and fuck everywhere

Let me bend you over there, there and there

Before hand I will hold you up against things

While we make out



Kennie

Rain Drops

Watched it rain yesterday, every rain drop washed away something old

Takes time for something new to replace it

As the clouds become more grey

Colors seem more vibrant.


Would love the ability to wash away something old

To start something new and fresh

As human's it's not that easily done

Many things will always spark the memory of the past.


No matter if it's a good memory or a bad one.


Kennie

Feeling Alone & Scared

The last few days I've been laying in bed, feeling sick.

I've also been feeling alone and scared

The lonely and scared feeling has increased recently


I got told I'm being taken to the dentist.

I've never had a good relationship with any dentist

Just thinking about having to go makes my stomach clench


I also had a dizzy spell today, it almost knocked me on my ass.

I think that was from a rather warm bath


Feeling like nobody has anytime for me

Everyone is to busy

Or I'm just a bother


Haven't quite figured that one out yet


Perhaps when I felt dizzy I should have attempted to walk back to the bedroom

What's the worse that could have happened

Fallen down stairs, no doubt the lease of my worries


I think I sat up from my bed to fast

That dizzy feeling is once again back

It seems like it's taking me a long time to get my thoughts down


As I sit here feeling alone and scared


Kennie

Come To The Point

I've come to the point in my life where I don't like to eat

I find the last few months have been very awkward for eating

At times I have pain on one side and unsure of the other


I know things are becoming more bothersome

As each day passes by.

Use to enjoy eating, now I don't know if that feeling will return


Feeling very awkward as I do eat

Most of the time I get frustrated, but I try not to show it.

As of late I haven't been eating much


Haven't been feeling that hungry either

Could be nerves, could just be my brain trying to do the right thing

Feeling like the last few days have been very very long


Wishing they were over so I can just go back to bed.

Don't have to think about eating when I'm asleep

Try to keep all food items away from my bed.


Feeling like I struggle to eat

Sometimes more

Other times less


Not sure if things will end up changing

In one way I hope they do, for the better

Another way I've been awkward with everything else in my life. Why not something new


Only time will tell what will really happen


Kennie

Don’t Fit In

Most people who know me, know me as a quiet kid from my school days

A few have tried to get me to open up since then, wanting to see what makes me tick

Hear the thoughts that go through my head


Ever since I have started to do that I feel like I fit in less and less.

Always thinking I had a problem fitting in when I was a quiet kid

At times I feel like my thoughts get me in trouble.


Always seem like I'm second guessing if I should have said this or that.

I feel like when I say certain things I should run and hide like a child

Peering out from the darkened corner like I did something wrong.


When I get sad I still have trouble expressing myself

Maybe it would be better if I turned into a turtle and retreated to my shell

Just having to hear the echo of my own voice, scary thought I know.


But I won't have to worry about saying the wrong thing to anyone.

Even though I'm in 37 I feel like I don't know how to express myself

I still don't know how to fit in, which is why I have little to no friends.


Still remember meeting up with two friends I known since high school

Sat there at Tim's frozen like a statue, couldn't say much.

Still feel like shit about it to this day


But both of them were amazing about those times

Sadly at times I have trouble logging onto facebook and posting my thoughts

I sit in a room many times alone, asking my plush friends "how do I be me ?"


I hear them talk, they have no answers.

They give me lots of hugs and tell me they love me as I am

Crying as I hug them back.


Kennie

Hate Putting You In Pain

I know it only takes me to say three little words.

Before your stomach tightens up and you feel like shit

Knowing that you can't do anything for me

That's why I hate saying it, even though you always want to know everything


I am sad

It's those three words that make your eyes fill with tears

Knowing that it makes you that sad, it hurts me deep inside

I've told you I hate saying those words to you.


Anytime I feel that way I just want to curl up in bed or on the couch with you

Just to be held by you, I don't want to say those words

I just want to feel your body against mine

Want to feel your love connecting with mine


But your the first girlfriend I've had who actually wanted me to open up

Who wouldn't quickly back away, point in the other direction and say

"Go see a doctor"..

I do my best to explain things to you, even though it's not easy for me


I want you to know why I'm feeling like that

What makes those feelings go through my mind

What affects my body in that way.

So you can understand me.


I want to understand you the same way.

May not be within arms reach all the time

I know it's a difficult task, but I can't do anything about that.

We may barely get to see each other at times.


But I always try to put time aside and stop what I'm doing when you get in touch.

Your more important to me than my own life.

I've told you before I would gladly give you my heart to replace yours.

So I can live on inside of you, to keep you going strong.


I know it's not that easy, but I would still gladly do it at a moments notice

That's what you mean to me.

That's how much you mean to me.

I hate putting you in pain


Kennie

I Can’t Keep Fighting...

I can't keep fighting to get myself to sleep at night.

As the moon rises and the hours tick by I lay tossing and turning

Tried relaxing to a movie, it doesn't work

Tried netflix and chill, same result

Tossed some music on my ipod and the brain gets going at a rapid pace


I can't keep fighting to get myself to sleep at night.

As the moon rises and the hours tick by I lay tossing and turning

I'm tired of this fighting to the early hours of the morning

The clock usually reads around 5pm by the time my eyes finally shut


I get so frustrated I get myself out of bed in hope of emptying my mind

Putting my thoughts down on the screen

Clicking publish for all to read

As of late it doesn't help me make sense of anything going on in my life

I've sat here scared during the day, trying to make sense of my mind


I've sat here wide awake at night, trying to figure out why

Nothing seems to work.

I've even tried to do different things during the day in order to help myself out

Sat outside breathe the fresh air, in hopes of my mind getting relaxed

It doesn't really help, I've often been told to do that at night.


Just not a big fan of those bugs that fly about.

I know I would just be sitting near a light, otherwise I might be locked out

At times I use the night time to talk to a friend to help my mind relax

As of late I feel like I've been more abandoned than anything

Left alone in the dark alleyway of life while everyone ignores me.


I can't keep fighting to get myself to sleep at night.

As the moon rises and the hours tick by I lay tossing and turning


Kennie


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