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Excerpt for Unfaithfully Yours - Poetry Sugar Free by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

UNFAITHFULLY YOURS.


T.L.D.

I spy three little dots.

A trio of tiny black spots.

Each one stands for the small things...

We value most.

And with out them, our heart is haunted by their ghost.

But each person has a different value.

What means a lot to me...

Likely means nothing to you.

You may treasure your privacy and space.

I may put importance on being with friends...

And putting a smile on their face.

But each has the right to give...

The same thing a higher or lower price.

But appreciate that someone else may not think...

That very thing is worth the sacrifice.

I spy three little dots.

A trio of tiny black spots.

Each one having a dissimilar meaning for each person.



T.T.K.

Looking for some time to kill.

Searching for a place where I can relax.

I peer into the mirror and start fixing the cracks.

How can this be such a crime?

All I want is half a day to call mine.

I'm not looking to prolong my life.

Down here I don't want any extra time.

But now I'm saying "This is where I draw the line."

I'm sick of not having a second of my own.

I just want to be left alone.

At the moment my schedule is full.

I can't fit myself in.

If this keeps going on like this,

The race to the grave will the only race I will win.

I need some time to kill.

Some time to do nothing at all.

Or just watch the rain drops fall.

A long walk in the rain forest.

Some rest will do me best.

A little vegin out.

Just lying about.

Stress is something I can do without.

I need some time to kill.


N.T.R.

You're gone never to return.

There's more than bridges that do burn.

I never thought you would go so quick.

I can't understand why you did get so sick.

You were usally so healthy.

So full of life.

But then along came death

and cut your life short with tragedy's knife.

Within twentyfour hours and two trips to the vet,

you were gone.

My best friend, my companion.

You were more than just a pet.

They said it was a viral infection.

I wish I had the power of foresight.

So that I could have changed destiny's direction.

And everything would still be alright.

And you would still be here with me.

But instead grief and sorrow...

won't let my mind and heart, free.

You are gone, never to return.

I just planted in my garden,

in corner where you used to always bury your bones amongst...

the daisies and the living stones, some dog flowers.

So when I am lonely.

I can watch them grow and think of you for a few hours.

You did not say much at all.

But when I needed someone you were always on call.

You would kindly lick my face when I was sad or had a fall. Now I have you here no more.

When I think about it,

my heart like the wax of a candle,

starts to melt.

How can I get on with living...

with these finite feelings I now felt?

You may be gone but not forgotten.

You might be dead but...

you're still live strong within my heart.

And you have passed away

but from my memory dear you never part.

You're gone never to return.

There's more than bridges that do burn.

One day the pain of loss, to handle I will learn.

But it is hard to think of you...

as gone never to return.


Going too close to the edge. Going too far. Burning out like a red star in a galaxy of fantacy. Dancing, within the chains of pain and to their rattling. With everything you are battling.

Drug crazed trying to hide from the eternal sadness, of reality and life itself. Trying to forget. Sweet smelling cigarette. Not here. Not yet. No never ready to face the mirror. Just staring beyond all the visual. Residual chemical imbalance. What is sane??? In this psychotic world. Curled up in a corner crying for days. Mind trapped in a rat race maze. Drug crazed.

B.T.

I want to be Big Time.

Have an airport full of planes that are all mine.

Be able to eat & drink with all the other fat, rich swine.

Use plastic surgery to cover all my scars & wrinkles.

And every unwanted line.

Have people faint & scream, when I come into sight.

Have every second woman wanting & willing,

To spend with me their night.

Sweat & bleed under a ten thousand watt studio light.

Have the script writ so I win all the arguments,

And every fist fight.

Being allowed to let go of myself every time...

The insanity bug does bite.

Spend half my life chasing the public's attention.

Spend the other half running away from fame.

Living a life of the vane.

Making excuses stupid & lame.

Letting other's opinions make me de mess T cated & tame.

Erecting a cut out of me with a building sight crane.

My image...

Filling the empty spaces of a person's brain.

Not educational just entertaining.

The populaces' thinking I'm draining.

Their memory I have tattooed and blood stained with the... Violence I have portrayed.

With my values their world I invade.

But is it true that I am self made?

Made by another's design.

Is this world really mine, now that I'm in the Big Time?


B by the power of 3

You used to be a natural brunette. But those days you now, try hard to forget. Your hair has been... And on the top of your head I've seen... More colours than on... Van Gogh's palate...

And Matisse's brush combined. Your dyes are rainbows redefined. But for now your colour is... Bleached Bitch Blonde

The question is... Will tomorrow you be the same? Or tonight will your "here and now look", be long gone? Or will with the pass of time, you transform your locks in to Cheap Red Wine? Trying to make a loud comment by getting silent stares. They don't like your look. And you say, "Who cares?" You are sick of, the every so slight tint. If you are trying to get a strong message across, You can't transfer it with a weak hint. Your hair screams out for attention and says... "Life's a bitch, so I will be a bitch if I want. I'm sick of all your two faced nicety, while you sharpen the knife, you will stab me in the back with." So you don't mind what sort of criticism, people give. Because by their own ideal ideas, they are made blind. You don't care what is the right or the wrong type of fashion. You really don't have no mind for what is politically correct. Others' narrow minded points of view, you reject. And until you are sick of it. And your dreams drowned in an industrial waste filled pond. You will still be Bleached Bitch Blonde.


V.O.S.

The violence of silence. It tears me in two as it reminds me of the emptiness of life without you. So empty. So empty. So silent. I recall how upon my ears, your sweet voice did fall. Like a shower of sound. Your happy songs brightened the day of all those around. But now all that does remain is quiet and it's aftermath of loneliness, sorrow and pain. Since you've been gone the wind has been mute. And the gypsy has gone somewhere else, different to play his flute. I move my lips and wag my tongue. Yet there is no voice. Until you return, this nauseating notelessness must stay. It and I have no choice. But to wait for your return. And once more, how to speak, we can again learn. I used to complain of how you never stopped talking and singing. But now I wish that... To this valley of whispers, your noises you once more were bringing. Once more with echoes of your laughter the hills were ringing. The creatures of night have stopped their serenading. The moon and the stars no longer over the sky are parading. Everything has changed so much. Since you have left this place you once called home. The owl can't see any uses in being baritone if he is to perform on his own. The waves no longer crashes against the sand and pebbles of the beach. I can't hear a thing. If there is anything audible my ear it does not reach. I hit my hands together but they do not clap. Just this once I wish to listen to the drip of the tap. But no. Some how you have taken away all acoustic harmony. And for the first time I have heard the ear piercing mute tated voiceless symphony........ Of silence.

W.O.W.

You want a war...

Of words.

So load your tongue.

I'm gonna give one.

I don't like to fight and disagree.

But you have verbally cornered me.

I must defend my pride and dignity.

Just when I start to get things back into place.

You shove these lies into my face.

I am usally quiet and reserved.

But none of these accusation have I deserved.

Until now my energy I have conserved.

I would usally silently take it.

But if you want a conflict this bad, I will make it...

Happen.

I will make it happen.

I can make it happen.

I once was a quiet sort of guy.

But that side of me, I now kiss good bye.

I'm not going to stand for this anymore.

The time has come to fight for it all.

I know I am one half of this awful situation.

But you don't need to ruin my already bad reputation.

I guess I deserve a bit of what I get.

But some thing tells me that you are not finished yet.

With linguistic sounds you try to execute me.

But what ever you do you won't mute me.

You want a war of words? WELL YOU'VE GOT ONE !

U.P.

There is still no answers to the prayers I pray.

So let the gods take my soul away.

Put me in a body bag.

Hell could never be this much of a drag.

Nothing more here can I find.

So I'm waiting to leave it all behind.

I know I shouldn't give in.

But of late I just haven't had even one small win.

The world seems to be against me.

All I want is, from it all, to be free.

I have got to the point of complete...

And utter retreat.

I am now in hope, for the final fatal part of defeat.

Don't get me wrong I gave it my all.

But now I hear a ghostly distant call...

It is calling from outer space.

Saying...

"Time has come for you to leave this depressive place.

Time to set the spirit on it's way.

Before the dawn of the final day."

So no longer do wish to stay.

I can not stay.


T.L.S.

Looks likes sugar, tastes like shit.

Something here just doesn't fit.

Your laughter and that smile on your face.

Is some how out of place...

With all the rest of them wearing a depression inspired look.

With rainbow coloured lies we are easy to hook.

Making us forget, how much better was the world we forsook.

How much longer can you hide trash and litter...

In bins covered in glitter.

It is only a matter of time...

Before it all loses it's gloss and shine.

Soon the next mistake will be yours.

Not her and mine.

From the surface everything is so appealing.

But inside there's on heart or feeling.

Is it cause with machines all day we are dealing,

Instead having personal contact?

We need to have some.

So that we learn how to communicate with one...

Of our own species.

Hypnosis of your light and laser show will wear off.

Like a child's nervous cough.

Like a week long disease.

Every one you will never please.

But at least do what is for everyone's best.

Instead of trying to impress...

The ones with the money and the power.

But I don't worry to much cause one day soon...

It will be your final hour.

Looks likes sugar, tastes like shit.

Something here just doesn't fit.

E.W.E.

I have every where eyes. I see it all so don't you tell me no lies. I see you at the bus stop. I have seen you the market store. I saw you do nothing. I saw you do it all. Push one or anther button and you're on the my screen. I know what you are thinking. I know what you dream. I see you get up in the morning. I watch you go to bed at night. I can even see you when you have turned off the light. Every where eyes. I got night vision. Sight the invisible. Know the secret. No one escapes my cameras and my telescopes and my every where eyes. I have hundreds of flies on the wall. Watching you claw your way up to a stand only to once again fall. I'm have the information of your past and I direct your future like a director of a movie. In which I am the only audience and the only critic. One step away from being God. Two steps away from being above him. Obey my laws cause there is no way in which to win. Now that I have every where eyes.

REALEASE

Everyone wants to break out of this encaging society. Everyone wants to be free. Free from controls. Free from restrictions. Free from laws. That is why people get hooked on flying cause you are braking the laws of nature. Man can not fly. But you prove that law wrong. And to celebrate your conquest someone immortalises it in song. But even with life's many joys, some want the ultimate realease. Death. Why you ask. Cause they are sick of breathing in disappointment's stale air with every breath. They are tied of watching the painful realities of War and her children Disease, Famine and Suffering. While all the element we are polluting. With our modern "Civilized" living. And an answer to these problems they feel powerless to bring. So the song of depression they sing. Till they get a parole for their tormented soul. An exoneration from this flesh infected tribulation. An acquittal from this life that means so little. They are glad to be spared from this world that never really cared. Their hearts they did liberate from a place full of horrendous hate. Their soul they did ransom for their ideals. They had already been crusted under Progress's forever forward turning wheels. They will be mourned and missed by the few who care for and love them. And their lips tenderly kissed. But now they are at peace. They have found their place of rest. Now have their realease. It would have been great if they joined us in life's funfilled feast. But from their terminal torture now they are realeased. At last they have found REALEASE.


Evening. Listen to the Evening sing. She sings her good night lullaby. As she matures into the night, the day time creatures fall asleep to the rhythm of the trees in late afternoon breeze and the hypnosis of the fading light. Then the nocturnals come out of hiding. Possums, koalas and geckoes scurry up and down the forest gums. While the bats, owls, crickets and moths perform their aerobatics under the big tent of the galaxy. Next time, take the time to watch the sun set and listen to the Evening sing her lullaby.


Sandie.

Sandie. Sweet as candy. You warm me inside like a bottle of brandy. Right now your love would be so handy. For your love is the best there can be. Warm, tender and kind. You're my greatest ever, find. Eyes that burn into my soul. Each day, more and more, your love takes it's toll. Each day the memory of you lasts longer and longer. Each day my fondness of you get stronger and stronger. Your my friend, now my permanent

lover. You are like no other. You've got an very individual personality. You love fantacy yet you face reality. Your impossible to sum up. A thousand flavours in one cup. Sandie. I love you totally. Be my midnight candy. Be sweet to me. I can't forget you. I can't forget .... the way you swept me off my feet. The way you make me feel. My love for is forever. My love for you is for real. Don't you understand that I want to keep you in my pocket, so you're always close at hand. So when I'm feeling blue, I can turn around and find you. Your smile is infectious. Only around you, do I feel complete. You're the best girl I ever did meet. All night my dreams you haunt. All day my thoughts you occupy. I will think of you till the day I die. Where ever you may go, please keep in touch. Cause to me, you mean so very much. I'd give up all I have to taste the sweetness of your love again. You are my shelter from the burning sun, the wild winds or driving rain. You are my oasis in this desert of numb hearts. You are blood to my soul, feeding loving kindness to all parts. Sandie. Sweet as candy. You warm me inside like a bottle of brandy. Right now your love would be so handy. For your love is the best there can be. Sandie. I love you totally. Be my midnight candy. Be sweet to me.


Spread

I gotta jam. Give me a beat and I'll start jamming. I gotta jam. Make it fast. Make it slamming. Go on strut your stuff. I gotta jam. I just can't get enough. I got a hunger to jam. I won't stop till I've feed it. Music is a gift, go on share it. Go on spread it. 1-2-3-4. Everyone get the floor. I don't care what anyone may say. I've got to jam my life away. I gotta jam. This one goes out to all those could be big music artist. Keep on jamming, keep on writing, keep on singing. Keep it up for the joy you are bringing. The music is in my blood. Music is my first love. I'll keep on jamming till I pass away. I'll keep it rocking till my final day. I gotta jam.


Inadequate

Words can't say the way feel. They can't let you know that my love is real. They are inadequate. In the scheme of things comprehension does not fit. Silly bulls. They don't belong. Does not matter how hard I try, I'd be talking till the day I die. But I couldn't say how, I love you here and now. I'd steal for you all the sky. So we could together always fly. Arm in arm, wing in wing. For you I do everything. Poetry falls short of saying the thing I am trying to convey. How I love and care for you. You make every thing seem fresh and new. As an expression and explanation words seem boring and songs are flat. Only you and your love can do that. Words can't say the way I feel. They are inadequate.

S.F.

What has happened to the sweet part of life.

Crush the cake under foot.

Don't cut it with enjoyment's knife.

Sugar Free.

Secretly mixing up a batch of fun in your room.

You lick clean the ceramic bowl and the wooden spoon.

While the politicians send the last laugh to Pluto's moon.

You crave most, for the things you are not allowed.

How much longer can they control the famished crowd?

No more home sweet home.

Leave all the good things alone.

Sugar Free.

Nothing tastie, nothing nice.

No salt, no pepper and no spice.

Everything is plain and bland.

But that is just what they planned.

No flavour, no M.S.G.

Additive free.

Sure enough, let us know the alternative.

But a choice to us, still give.

No meat and cooked vegetable.

Always hungry.

No more eating till you're full.

Their new idea you slyly sell.

But we didn't know that this was going to be such...

A gastronomic hell.

Sugar Free.

I hope my mouth grows closed and I never have to eat again.

Feeding us scraps like animals in a pen.

They promised us a pleasent untroubled life.

But we say "When?"

We are undernourished,

While they pig out at more than they ever want and need.

This addiction of their's for power and greed,

Will be brought to an end,

When justice grows from hope's deeply sown seed.

Sugar Free.

Empty is the feeling of our stomachs and our souls.

We are starting to look like concentration camp dolls.

But full as a bull is how they always feel.

They eat all day.

While we struggle to survive,

Lucky to have each day a single meal.

Tell me who has the raw end of the deal.

Bread and water is all we have to sustain.

And no chance of having anything that does entertain,

Or does occupy and feed our thought starved brain.

Everything is rationed.

Around them this world is fashioned.

We are told we can have our cake but we are just to look.

We may as well just have a picture torn out of...

A culinary cook book.

Sugar Free.

This world is to bitter for me.

U.F.Y. I never can love just one girl. I never can stay loyal. Every time see another lady of beauty, my blood begins to boil. I'm unfaithfully yours. Love is my reason for rising in the morning. I have to give you this warning. The pursuit of pleasure is my cause. I'm unfaithfully yours. I will love you today and be gone tomorrow. No regrets! No remorse! And of course no sorrow. Before we get any further, I better warn you. I'm a cheat. I fall in love with every second woman I meet. While I'm with you I will treat & please you good. And I'll be kind and sweet. But it won't be long before I'm back on the street. Lustful lies are half of all I speak. Your love not your heart is what I seek. I'm unfaithfully yours. I'll be your friend. I'll be there for you. But I can never be true. You can ask almost anything of me but just don't ask for loyalty. On me don't rely, I will break your heart and then off to somewhere else I'll fly. On me don't depend cause I will bring your faith, in love to an end. I don't understand the notion of devotion. Trust your misgivings cause a double life I've been living. I really ain't worth your time. But if you got some to waste. Come help me spend mine. I'm a traitor. I am a man of treachery. So don't you ever trust me. Unfaithfully yours. Everything I say you should doubt. I'm the type you would do better with out. But if after all this you still like me. I guess we could hang out. It's not that I want to stab you in the back. My mind and heart just can't keep on the same track. If you expect me to stay. Your expectations I will betray. I am the person of contradiction. Love to me is an addiction. Until you cure me of this obscure affliction. I will be... Unfaithfully Yours. I would marry you today if the contract had a freedom clause. Unfaithfully Yours.

Sensitivity

I don't know what I want but I want it now.

I want your sensitivity.

I want you to feel every minute touch.

I want you to feel so little.

I want you to feel so much.

I want you to feel all the feelings I ever did feel.

I want to put warmth back into your heart,

That is now cold as steel.

I want to tear down all your easy to hide behind brick walls, And stone fences.

I want to show you all the colours ever made.

I hope to help you to enjoy each hue and shade.

I would like to help you hear the silence.

Show you how to listen to the voices in the wind.

The cries of the sea.

Set all your senses free.

The awakening of the sleeping perceptions.

Rewire each of your thinking cells.

Looking at things from a different direction.

Revive the lost.

And retrieve the left behind responses.

Become aware of the alluring alieness of things now... Experienced.

I don't know what I want but I want it now.

I want your sensitivity.

I want you to feel every minute touch.




K.J.C.


When you want to feel down call the Kill Joy Clown.

When you are sick of smiling and a change of a frown.

Steal the fun feel from this otherwise ordinary town.

In a sea of sorrow, one by one,

Your positive thoughts start to drown.

King of misery is his long kept crown.

Just when the future starts to look bright.

He will dull the light.

When you feel like the perfector,

Along crawls the kill joy clown to be the dejector.

When your heart is full of happiness' fire.

He decides to be the dampener & your Jeremiah.

When every thing starts to feel super.

He rock on in as the party pooper.

You get every thing you planned & fought hard for.

He comes along & ruins it all.

What a spoil sport.

The false comforter of the worst sort.

You feel you're a little of better off & a whole lot wiser.

Then he shows you up for what you really are.

He is the demoralizer.

You just finish the things on your list.

Then he gives you one ten times as long.

Frustration's jester & a total defeatist.

You find your self at your gladdest.

Then he comes with bad news.

He loves being the sadist.

He is an arse about you can do well without.

As he juggles depression, disappointment & dismay,

As his greatest trick.

Your mood changes from good to bad very quick.

As he plays a melon collie tune on his fishbone flute.

He acts like sinister's silly coot.

You are sure you have come so far.

Then he tells you other wise like a ghoulish galah.

Chance seems to give you change of luck.

Then the kill joy clown proves that life still does suck.

What a schmuck.

When you want to feel down call the Kill Joy Clown.


Of LIFE.

We must get these thing under control before they control us.

A megalithic mountain of mass...

Mass hysteria. Mass mortality.

Mass media reshaping reality.

Harness the winds before they unite & becomes a cyclonic gust.

Blowing through one's mind leaving behind the debris of...

Past shattered dreams and bulky broken lies.

And the feeling of empty hopelessness.

Just this once help us out.

Take the time care.

Before it all gets too BIG for anyone to repair.

Insultive Insomnia

In the city that never sleeps,

You are always runned off your feet.

You march to time's silent beat.

Why is there people going hungary?

When you can always get something to eat.

Twelve hours a day in front of a computer monitor.

Sitting all day in that not so comfortable office seat.

How come there is so many lonely people here?

When there is hundreds of places,

Opened twenty four hours a day that people can to meet.

How come the average person is so afraid of...

Every stranger on the street.

Why must there be some who live by lies and deceit.

How come what is rightfully our's we can no longer keep.

The majority following along like a foolish flock of sheep.

Deeper into crime and poverty the city gets,

As along the so called road of progress it creeps.

Even with life so complex, it still is not complete.

With hidden anger the soul of crowd heat.

Until it has burnt away all restraint and control.

We are in trouble!

Like chasm one hundred miles deep.

Grown men and women panicking like..

Little children locked in a dark room.

Sure that this claustrophobic closet will be their tomb.

Their hearts full of feelings of dread and doom.

Very close to...

It will be very soon...

The final show down.

The high noon...

Of this city that never sleeps.


BIGGER

It's just getting bigger.

It won't go away.

The problem is getting bigger all the time.

You would do something about it if, you were a real friend... Of mine.

How can you just watch it grow?

Knowing that unlike you, we have no where else to go.

You promised to help us to solve,

The mess you helped to create.

But by the time you do something, it will be too late.

We all must do our part, to stem the growth of this cancer... Called HATE.

Nationalism, Religion, Civil Unrest, War.

How can you watch it all?

As if it was a computer game.

As if there were no dead and lame.

As if there were no people suffering and feeling pain.

But your keyboard and your hands are the colour of...

GlobalBloodStain.

Distrust spreads like the after affect of leaking toxic waste.

We must move in haste.

Before the beast inside us all acquires the taste...

For BLOOD.

Before we all start to justify the injustice...

Time To Heal

Right now I don't know how I feel.

I need time to heal.

Life has lost it's zest like an orange without it's peel.

All I owned, from me you did steal.

Don't tell me that it's not such a big deal.

How can you expect me to forgive and forget, so quick?

The sight of you makes me violently sick.

If you would disappear for good,

That would be the best trick of the year.

I don't think I can ever love you again.

After you proved yourself as no sort of friend.

Just wish that this nightmare would end.

You betrayed me, my love & my trust.

What for?

A few passing pleasurable moments of lust.

You will never get back on par.

You have gone one step to far.

When I think of you, I nurse my soul-deep scar.

I don't think for this pain, I will ever find a remedy.

But if you want to help steer clear of me.

Sometimes it's therapeutic to be alone.

So get out of my way.

Or with one glance I will turn you to stone.

I doubt if I will be able to restore,

Things back to the way they were before.

I may never be able to love again.

Why do I always get the bastard men.

No longer am I putting up with this annoying heart ache.

I won't pretend that, you are,

We are something we ain't just for your sake.

Good riddance prince of hurt.

You would cheat on anything wearing a skirt.

Bye king of distress.

Go find another fool in a dress.

May be one day I will find a love true and pure

May be one day I will find a cure...

For this displeasure.

A medicine at the right time, in the right measure.

Until that rolls my way like a chariot wheel.

I will need...

Time to heal.


N.I.R. Please tell me, are these memories really mine? Or just a mirage of another time? Are these feelings an emotional hologram of some other man? Can't explain this sensation of something extra in my mind. Stow aways in my brain. Life's full of echoes of other's thoughts. Truth displayed distortedly on the screen. Dreams highjacked by ghosts and strangers. Highs of unexperienced dangers. Lows of unknown depression. Travels in new directions. Making new connections the out side world. Into a turmoiled sea we are hurled head first. Drowning with too much thought and not enough explanation. Crashing at another transmission station. When you come to the realization that nothing is real.

RETURN. Sailor sails out to sea. She waits patiently for him to come back. Many a life has been wasted like that. Effervescence of life goes stale and becomes flat. She cries, "When will he return and this fire of aching anticipation in my heart on longer burn." She sends him a letter via the corps and prays that he doesn't need to go to war. And his smile will shine upon her once more. I hope for her sake that this is not another cause of heartache. And he can take time to see her when his leave he takes. She sits at the very spot, they first met trying to remember, then trying to forget. In my heart I pray that this is more than a one sided dream. Cause she is feeling the worst hurt I've ever seen. I hope she gets to meet and love him again. Cause right now her soul is in

immense pain. She is my sister in travel. My friend in a stranger sort of way. And hurts to watch her strengths waste away. She told me of how she awaits that forever precious day. When her feelings for him, in person she can convey. For most guys it is easy to love and leave but most girls have a more permanent attachment and need. Can't help but wonder if he is thinking of her as much as she is thinking of him. May she one day soon his heart win. Her heart is rapped in a sail. As she awaits the reply to her mail. Sailor sails out to sea. She waits patiently for him to return.


T.G.T.B.T

I can't help but question if all is as it seems. You are the answer to all my prayers and the fulfilment of all my dreams. Everytime something starts going my way, it turns bad, to my dismay. For high hopes, the dearest price I pay. Disappointment comes from false expectation. Wanting the most from every situation. You lose faith when things go wrong, in a long duration. My heart is always waiting for someone at someday station. All my lucky stars end up being satellites. All my affairs only last a few long nights. All my angels fall back to earth before they reach the heaven's heights. All my flowers drop their buds before they come into bloom. All my dream houses become ghost towns before I build my first room. Everything of worth, to turn into something worthless, is my doom. So please forgive me for being cynical. But most of my mountains fall back into the sea before they reach their pinnacle. So that is why I can't believe I've got you. It all looks too good to be true.


When the mystery is gone...

When the mystery is gone, will you still hang on, to each word I speak? When the mystery is gone, will it still be my love you seek to acquire? When the mystery is gone, will your heart still have a fire of passion? Or when the mystery is gone,

will I be a fashion of the past? Will the memories last longer than the fascination? Or will it be like another vacation or holiday? Along with the secrecy will everything else fade away like a morning mist? When you have ticked off all your questions on your list so very long. When the mystery is gone will the feeling be wrong? When there is nothing left to ask. When I'm no longer a phantom and no more wear a mask, will you still be my friend? Or will it all come to an end?


.H.B.L

I hope out there some where is my true love. With an angelic smile and golden hair. But until I find that one, I will follow the setting sun. Some want me to play the fool's game. Hurting and being hurt, just the same. What's in a scar? What's in a little pain? I had a heart that never felt a thing. But now it feels every irritating sting. Once I would've never shed a tear. But now I would openly cry. I used to sing a love warrior song. Now I sing the heart break lullaby. I was cruel, I was mean. I was the worst sort of person there's ever been. But I've change with the lessons of hurt. I have learnt what it feels to be on the end of, one of Bad Love's deals. I thought I would never fall in love. But I fell hard. And all I have to show for it, is a tourist's shirt and a wallet full of empty phone cards. Instead of stealing her heart, she stole mine. And now I hang on a dream. In hapless hopelessness I did wait wasting time. But I guess she was the judge & the jury, I was paying for my crime. I've got over her. Well the best I could. But the problem is to live my past life didn't make feel any good. So from then on I gave true love a try. I haven't found it yet and don't think I ever will. So in sadness I let my voice go & let my song fly. Singing the heart break lullaby.



C.M.O.M.D.

Cure me of my disease. The doctors can't say what it is. Neither can that sci co logical wizz. With his know it all, looks. And his shelves full of analytical books. The hippy said I've got a bad vibe. The gypsy told me that I'm not really alive. I can't put my finger on it. But right now & for the last few years, I've been feeling like shit. I crawl on my hands & knees. I want the panacea not your sympathises. Can some one cure me of my disease? There's no medicine that works as yet. Things that never happened I remember. Things that did happen I forget. A cure I can't find. For this pain of body & mind. Is it a chemical imbalance or an allergy? Is it mind over matter? What's the matter with me? Should I just give up finding the answers & live my life the best I can? And pretend that I'm not as bad as I think I am. A strange woman came up to me and touched my heart. But I ended up with more sorrow than I had before she did start. She drew out of me all my aches and pains. But when she left they returned again. I'm a nut within a shell. So much of me hidden inside. Half of the time I want to break free. The other half I just want to stay here and hide. Can I find all I need, to make a forest from this encased seed? Will I get all I desire before my passion destroys it's self in a self destructive fire? Is it physical, mental or spiritual? No one really knows for sure. But one thing I know is that I don't want these feelings anymore.


Something Better.

Something better than the mere existence I now lead. Believing the lies I read in the national papers. Something better than the scar ridden escapes I indulge in. An improvement. Start again down a road leading to nowhere. In a no man's land. Not welcomed, not missed. Disconnected thoughts threaded together with insanity. A mind game with no winners or losers. Just

players. Climbing in pursuit of unattainable heights. Following the lights of dreams unfulfilled. Where can I find

Something Better?


The poetess. I was hitchhiking up to Cairns, when a hippy gave me a lift. And told me about this woman who calls her self the poetess. So I went to see her, changed my direction and plans. Near Kuranda is where she lives, in a cave, behind a waterfall. People came from all over to see her, for the stories she told, the songs she sung and the wisdom she gave. It took me a good three hour walk to find the poetess and her place. When she first saw me she welcomed me with the warmest kindest smile on her face. She then led me to her earthly abode and asked me to tell her all about myself and my travels down life's road. I told her of my search for freedom. She told me, "One day you will see that you are free cause you want be." She spoke of distant yesterday and not so far away tomorrows. And how many people add to their sorrows. She recited a few poems and sang a few songs. And once I learnt the words I sang along. I spent a week with the poetess, helping her plant her crops, milk her cow and carry water. But never once had I learnt her real name. But as she said to me she didn't want riches or fame. Those things would only ruin her art. And the pursuit of such things would only defile one's heart. There are many people I've met and now forget. But of all the people I remember no other was as wise or as kind as the poetess.


Adam Lucas Humfrees. Adam Lucas Humfrees bought himself a kombi. Travelled around this country to have a look at what there was to see. Left his job at the casino. Sick of watching patrons playing roulette, poker and keno. Thought there must be a better life than the one he's now living. Wasted time is never forgiving. So he packed his bags left the Gold Coast. Leaving behind the things he loved and hated most. But now he has no regrets. He just has a life lived, an adventure had. Much better than staying stagnant, in a rut lost and sad. Just doing the everyday things over and over again. Same routine, same friends. Wondering if a more fun time could have been yours. Fighting a lost cause. Go take some chances, open some new doors like... Adam Lucas Humfrees.


YOU WITH ME. You can cover your tracks but you can't cover your pain. I can see you have been crying in the rain. I can't help but notice the sorrow in your eyes. But it really doesn't come as much of a surprize. Cause what is really meant to be, is you with me. I don't know where I want to go. But one day I will find a way to your heart. Your heart you keep guarded like a fort. Not letting anyone in. Not feeling any love of any sort. But one day I will find the key, to the door. You will find what you are really looking for... my love.


D.C. Laughter of insanity. Laughter of madness. Drug crazed trying to hide from the eternal sadness, of reality and life itself. Storing the real you like an old holy book on a shelf. Behind a locked door. In a borrowed shell like a hermit crab. Line of coke. Bad joke! Haze of smoke. A little secret world in a little tab. Picking at your brain like a never healing scab. Playing with fire till all flesh does singe. Friend in a bottle. Escape in a syringe. One last time, one last binge. Leaving it all behind. But no answer can you find, on either side. The real problem is, you see the way things really are.


Sweet interruptions.

Where was I before I was sweetly interrupted? What was I about to say before the thought of you entered my head? I guess it wasn't that important. And some other voyeuristic vocalist has already said everything I meant to say. Anyway words won't pay my fare, nor will they steal your soul. I was likely talking about some insignificant conversational subject matter. But now, right before me is something I could find very interesting. Who are you? I see, you like to keep people guessing. Good idea. Why let too much out? Keep the secrecy and mystery going. Stop their thoughts from flowing cause they sometimes drown in their own self importance. Crack their faces of stone. The faintest smile, for a short while, then back to where they left off. Where was I before I was sweetly interrupted?


Where Do Angels Go? Where do angel go when the heavens fall? Who will answer your call? We are on the verge of a forever changing world? On the edge of extinction are faith and innocence of every child. I have lost my faith in gods and men. I now pray that I have reason to one day trust in them again. Things are ever changing but not always for the better. When these patches wear out, what will hold it all together? Where do angel go when the heavens fall?


M.S.H. My spirit high wants to touch the far corner of the northern sky. My spirit high wants to glide on the desert wind like a majestic predatory bird. I need to speak to the sea and understand it's every word. My spirit wishes to eclipse the moon. It needs to taste the sun. My spirit would like to kiss the rain in a way that has been done by no other one. I can't carry on much further, the way I have done so far. Unless I can catch hope's brief shining star. My spirit wants to be miles away from the troubles down below. My spirit needs a higher plan in which to go. My spirit has to refind it's heart and it's soul. My spirit. My spirit high.


Dream Catcher. Dream catcher catch me a dream. I wish to know everything my dreams mean. Dream spider spin your web deep inside my head. Tell me all that my dreams have said. Dream maker make me a dream that will show me which road in life to take. Dream painter make my dreams a work of art. May my dreams guide my steps and lead my heart. Dream fairies come, enter my mind and with my thoughts do play. Dream catcher catch me a dream. I need to know where to go, when my dreams take my soul away.


Memphis Madness. Posters, bottles of soda, records, coaster. Presley impersonators. Elvis look alikes. The kings favourite foods. When will Playgirl print the long lost Presley nudes?

Book after book each a different version of... "THE REALITY". Some speaking only of his weaknesses. Others saying what a great guy he happened to be. Memphis Madness. The mystery of his, death or after life. Drugged, shot, abducted by aliens or knifed? Or he may be was sick of fame and wanted to be left alone. I guess the only way to be sure is to do a D.N.A. test on the bone. Then again science is far from fail safe. I won't say he was the greatest rocker of all time cause that's a matter of opinion. There are some song of his I really like and others I abhor. No matter what else he will always be a legend forever more. Another victim of the fame market war. And like the echo of a long gone song bird we are still hearing the ring of his call. Memphis Madness.

Self Reliant.


There's bad times ahead. But like I said, "Keep on fighting until you're dead." Hard days to come but you're not the only one with things lean. Living from now on will be the harder than it's ever been. You need to self reliant. Strong, defiant. All you really need is your self. Nothing and no one, else. You step carefully on each stepping stone but in the end you're still alone. You can't keep following other peoples' footsteps. You walk some one else's stride. Find your own way and go down that path with pride. You've got to make your own mind up. Stop tagging behind like a little playful pup. You've got to find your own road. You must carry your own load. It's good to look and learn from another's success and failure. But if you aren't true to YOU. Time and truth will show you up and nail Ya. Be self reliant. Strong, defiant. All you really need is your self. Nothing and no one, else.

That Special Year.

Another year passes,

Another year rolls by.

Another year we do our best,

Another year we give our dreams a try.

But one year, that special year we see that we can fly.

And life's horizons reach beyond the star studded sky.

May this new year,

Be the year that all your hopes and aspirations come true.

May this year be that special year for you.


S.H.S.

What about my soul, heart and spirit? Money isn't all I need. It'll get me a place to sleep, and a feed. My very being cries out for more. If you're quiet you may hear it. What about my soul, heart and spirit? We all need nutrition for the body, soul and intellect. But when one is without the others, all will be defect. There is a thing or two in life we don't understand. But we should not deny or fear it. What about my soul, heart and spirit? There's more to life than the physical and the eye seen. You also have the hope, the magic and the dream. This that has no real explanation. But that intrigues and entices us to make more exploration of such things. Even though no more answers does our searching bring. A question with no reply. Can't comprehend yet can't deny. The mystery does not take away it's merit. What about my soul, heart and spirit?


K.R.

There was this girl from New Zealand I knew. I liked her and if you ever got to know her, you would like her too. She came from over the Tasman. She was in love with a Jazzman. She always seemed to be with her friend, Jewels. They both were really cool. I never told her how I really felt. But whenever I was near her. Like ice in the sun. My frown started to melt. She got around on a little red Honda. Kiwi Ronda. Where did she go? Where is she? I don't know. She may B still in Oz. Or may B back in the land of the long white cloud. Sometimes when I thought I saw her disappearing in the crowd. I would call out her name. It wasn't her. Or I hadn't called out with enough loudness. Where is she? Is anyone's guess. We worked together with Peter, John, Mary & Paul. In a Come & Take Us Away food stall on the Q Street Mall. We used to argue a lot. About the way to chop the vegies and when one or the other overcooked the spuds or burnt the pot. We never seemed to be able to agree. Is that proof that it is meant to be the way now happens to be? We went our separate ways promising to keep in touch and stay each other's friend. But like all my distant relationships it came to an end. Kiwi Ronda. I would love to get to know her again. And even be her boyfriend. She taught me things I would have never otherwise learnt. Like how to read people's eyes. She left her mark in my heart. The frying pan of my soul she has irreversibly burnt. Kiwi Ronda.


S.I.T.S

Reminders of an uncomfortable past.

A familiar stranger wearing an intriguing mask.

Seeing things that are not really there.

Just mirages of your stare.

Scaring your self, unable to sleep.

Every movement, every noise awake it does keep you.

Harmless silhouettes transform into strange creatures of fear. The spookiness of the darkness of the night.

Feeling unprotected by the absence of light.

Unable to see things clearly.

Dare not go into the net of night,

the curtain of the uncertain.

Wondering what is beyond the photoscenic lines.

In fascination your mind entwines.

But still you stand still under...

the illumination of the street lamp.

Too afraid to find out who makes the shapes in the shadows. Who fights paranoia's battles and wins?

The shapes in the shadows.


Shadows Of The Darkened Heart.

Hidden in the valley of lightlessness.

Are feelings you dare not speak of.

Clothes cover your heart ache scars.

In a mind void of love.

Thoughts of destroying, those who destroyed you completely.

Wondering...

Will this vengefulness ever set the soul free?

You once loved only one and all whatever they did do.

Now you hate the world.

The way the world hates me & you.

You have learnt pain and wish to teach someone it in return.

Like a wheel of destiny we all get our turn...

Our turn to live our nightmares through.

But what makes one better over another is how we work it out.

And if we remain true...

True to ourselves.

True to our dreams.

Remember what it means...

To be human?

To rise above our instinct of flight\fight.

And stand our ground for what we know is right.

We hide many times behind the shadows of the darkened heart.

Evil part of our nature.

The bad, worn side of our coin.

The black side of our soul.

Like flesh scorched over white hot coals.

Letting greed & lust take control.

Out of control.

Out of strength.

Stretching everything to the maximum length.

Lengthening the time you're feeling awful.

Upset with the entire system that...

Holds you down.

That breaks your heart.

Shadows of the darkened heart.


T.T.G. The time has come to go. The time has come to leave. The time has come to get what I really need. Now is the time to realise that I have done too much for other people and not enough for me. No use standing still. No use playing the game of time kill. When I've got so much to do. Time to go.

JUST DO IT.

Just do it, just do it now. While you've got the energy. And

the power. We all can make excuses not to give it a go. But then when we decide to give it a try. We've grown old and we're soon to die. You can count every nickel and dime. Save your money and save up your time. Play it safe with nothing to show? Sit on your T.V. chair with no where to go? I don't think so! No better time than... this... very second... very minute... very hour. Just do it now


Superficial Sanity.

Your mind is full of crazy ideas.

Your heart is surrounded by farcical fears.

But you are the same as all your peers.

Superficial Sanity.

We are lying to ourselves and humanity.

Pretending we are sane.

But we are caught up in a war of the brain.

Trying to not show the mad & crazy side of ourself.

"We mustn't let go."

But it must be bad for our mental health,

If we don't release the pressure.

We will eventually crack.

And the weight of this world will break our...

Already aching back.

Why hide the way you feel?

Better to be a little insane than totally unreal.

Don't fear what anyone might think.

Before the chain does fall apart completely.

You might find the missing link.

The link between being a bit wild and true peace of mind.

The middle ground we don't seem to be able to find.

We are either in a state of stunned unconsciousness or a... Hyperactive high.

We either have our heads in the shifting sand or in the...

Clouds of a stormy sky.

We must discover...

Where we are and why.

Superficial Sanity.



Don't Care... As Long As...

I've got nothing special planned.

Just falling to see where I will land.

I'm open to suggestion.

Got any ideas?

I've got no real agenda.

My heart is up for tender.

Don't care where I end.

As long as I'm with a friend.

I don't care where we go and when we arrive.

As long as we enjoy the drive.

I don't care how I get to my destination.

As long as it was worth the anxiety of anticipation.

The night isn't mapped out.

I don't care if I go home or just hang about.

Don't mind being alone or part of a crowd.

I don't care if the night is a quiet one or if it is a rage...

And very loud.

I've got nothing special planned.


EERIE

You've give me a shiver up & down my spine.

Cause you're so weird yet you're so divine.

You're impossible to define.

Your eyes have an evil look to them.

Your smile has a peculiar incline.

You give me the creeps.

Fear over comes me like the wind sweeps...

The side of a mountain.

You make me feel as if you've got me for keeps.

You dance to the rhythm of the moon while the world sleeps.

I'm filled with fascination and fear.

I often wonder...

What am I doing here?

Sometimes the price of love is so dear.

To you I'm only just another souvenir

You're so strange.

You're so eerie.

Your change of mood makes me weary.

One minute you're crying, the next you're cheery.

I talk but you don't even hear me.

Your mad laughter freezes my blood.

I try to swim away from this...

Can Never Be Sea

I drown in your eyes.

Brown like a potter's mud.

You are starting to shape me into a cup of bad luck.

With your hands you draw out of me, my every value.

Throwing them aside until I become like you.

And my friend say the same thing about me...

As I now say about your ways too.

You're so strange.

You're so eerie.



P.O.T.

The power of touch.

Sometimes gets too much.

All defences it can crush.

Touch my heart.

Touch my soul.

Touch my body.

Here I go.

And I lose control.

It send shivers of pleasure,

Down this back of mine.

Makes me put every thing on the line.

The power of touch.

Is your and my power.

At hand any moment, any hour.

U can touch me without moving a limb.

I'd do what ever you say.

I'd foolishly follow your every whim.

I can't help but give in.

To your power...

The power of touch.



Wild geese heading south for the winter. To warmer places.

I will join them.


Street kids beg for food.

On a lonely corner of an affluent city.


Stray dogs fight over scraps.

While children fight over their toys.

Men fight over women and territory.

No wonder we have wars.

If only we could learn to share.

If only we could learn to care,

for other's needs as well as our's.


Impatient puppies pull on their mother's ears.

To get her to play with them.


The frogs jump from one lily pad to another.

To keep away from the hungry fish.


Dolphins gracefully dance on the waves ahead of the boat heading seaward.


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