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Excerpt for Marijuanursery Rhymes by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Marijuanursery Rhymes

by Rik Hunik

Published at Smashwords by Richard Hunik

Copyright 2013 by Richard Hunik

(Previously published with a different title under a pen name.)

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied or distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

This is a short book of traditional nursery rhymes reworked in a humorous way with a marijuana theme. It is intended for adults only.


Contents:

Little Jack Horner

Hey Diddle Diddle

Little Miss Puffet

Pot-a-cake

Hickory Dickory Dock

Mary Had A Little Plant

Jack And Jill

Old King Toke

Smokymon Grundy

O Where, O Where

There Was An Old Pothead

A Crooked Man

Hey, Hey, Dealerman

Hepcat Hepcat

Maryjane

The Knave Of Smokes

St. Ives

Three Stoned Mice

Sing A Song


Little Jack Horner

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner

Rolling up some buds of Thai.

He took a big toke,

Blew out some smoke

And said, "Man am I high."


Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey diddle diddle

The cat played the fiddle,

The cow got higher than the moon.

The little dog choked

On a great big toke

While the dish smoked a joint with the spoon.


Little Miss Puffet

Little miss Puffet

She sat on a tuffet,

Smoking her joints all day.

There came a big spider

Who sat down beside her

With some hash that blew her away.


Pot-a-cake

Pot-a-cake, pot-a-cake, baked old man,

Cut it and chop it as fast as you can.

Roll it in a joint and mark it with a P,

Or put it in a pipe and smoke it with me.


Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory dickory dock,

The mouse smoked up the clock.

The clock matched one,

They both got high,

Hickory dickory dock.


Mary Had A Little Plant

Mary had a little plant

Its buds were green as grass,

And every time that Mary smoked,

It knocked her on her ass.


She brought some joints to school one day,

That was against the rule.

It made the children laugh and play,

Smoking pot right in the school.


But her teacher turned her in

And she was put in jail.

The children passed a hat around

And got her out on bail.


"What makes Mary so damned lucky?"

The eager children cry.

"Oh, the judge he loves his smoke, you know,"

The teacher did reply.


Jack And Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To buy a bag of weed,

But spent their cash on a chunk of hash

Because the buds had gone to seed.


Old King Toke

Old King Toke was a stoned old man,

And a stoned old man was he.

He called for his pipe

With the oversize bowl

And he called for his growers three.

Every grower he had a plant,

And a very fine plant had he.

Oh, there's none so fair

As can compare

With the smoke of those growers three.


Smokymon Grundy

Smokymon Grundy,

High on Monday,

Stoned on Tuesday,

Blitzed on Wednesday,

Wrecked on Thursday,

Worse on Friday,

Fried on Saturday,

Wasted on Sunday.

That is a week

For Smokymon Grundy.


O Where, O Where

Oh where, oh where, has my little bag gone?

Oh where, oh where, can it be?

With the buds cut short and the joints rolled long,

Oh where, oh where can it be?


Oh where, oh where, can my bag be at?

Oh where, oh where can it be?

With the buds cut fine and the joints rolled fat,

Oh where, oh where can it be?


There Was An Old Pothead

There was an old pothead

Who lived in a shoe.

He smoked so many joints

He never knew what to do.

He smoked them all day

And into the night,

Then started again

At the first sign of light.


A Crooked Man

There was a crooked man

And he rolled a crooked joint.

He found a crooked match

And smoked his crooked joint.

He had a crooked cat

Who caught a crooked mouse,

And they all smoked together

In his crooked little house.


Hey, Hey, Dealerman

Hey, hey, dealerman, have you any weed?

If it's any good, three bags do I need.

One for my brother, one for my wife,

And one for myself, the chronic for life.


Hepcat Hepcat

Hepcat, hepcat, where have you been?

I've been to London to smoke with the queen.

Hepcat, hepcat, what did you there?

I left a fat, stinky roach under her chair.


Maryjane

Maryjane, sweet Maryjane,

How does your garden grow?

With kick-ass clones for first-class stones

From sticky buds all in a row.


The Knave Of Smokes

The Queen of smokes

She rolled some tokes

All on a summer's day.


The knave of smokes

He stole those tokes

And took them all away.


The King of Smokes

Called for his tokes

And beat the knave full sore.


The knave of Smokes

Gave back the tokes

And vowed he'd steal no more.


St. Ives

As I was going to St. Ives

I met a man with seven wives.

Every wife had seven bags,

Every bag held seven grams.

Every gram filled up a pipe.

Pipes, grams, bags and wives,

How many were going to St. Ives?

(Just one stoner, dude.)


Three Stoned Mice

Three stoned mice!

See how they run.

They stole some buds from the farmer's wife.

She cut off their tails with a carving knife.

Did you ever see such a tale in your life,

As three stoned mice?


Sing A Song

Sing a song of nickelbags,

A bottle full of rye,

Four and twenty partyers

Baked and really high.


The End


Bonus poem:

Pot Pantoum

(to the tune of “The Larger Bowl” from Rush's “Snakes & Arrows” album)


Lots of people like to get high

Smoking a pipe or a big fat joint

Something to help themselves get by

And isn't that the whole damned point


Smoking a pipe or a big fat joint

There's nothing wrong with taking a toke

And isn't that the whole damned point

There's no reason to fear the smoke


There's nothing wrong with taking a toke

Nothing wrong with the wondrous weed

There's no reason to fear the smoke

It won't create insatiable need


Nothing wrong with the wondrous weed

The weed is so misunderstood

It won't create insatiable need

It makes people feel really good


The weed is so misunderstood

People don't need a reason why

It makes people feel really good

Lots of people like to get high



About the Author: Rik Hunik was born in Nelson, British Columbia, Canada, in 1957, and has lived his entire life in BC, except for a few summers in Alberta, and a few days in Washington State climbing rocks. He has lived in Ymir, Wells, Quesnel, Prince George, Quesnel, North Vancouver, Quesnel, Burnaby, North Delta, and Quesnel, where he currently resides with his wife Jo. Although he mostly constructs buildings to earn a living, he is a also a writer, poet, photographer, artist, independent e-book publisher, and role playing game designer. He's written dozens of stories, including fantasy, horror, sword & sorcery, mystery, humor, erotica, and science fiction, frequently combining genres. More than forty have been published in small press magazines and e-zines. He has also published dozens of ebooks at Smashwords, many available to the public for the first time.


Find him on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/rikhunik


Other titles by Rik Hunik: available at smashwords.com/profile/view/rikhunik

The Gold Watch (western ghost story)

Easy Money (alternate history, fantasy, paranormal detective novel)

Time To Time (A collection of time travel stories)

Swords & Knives & Sorcery& Magic (An eclectic collection of sword and sorcery stories)

Witches' Skins: The Witch Skin Quartet ( 4 horror stories)

The Black Book and Other Poems

The Thing In The Shack (horror)

Alien Abduction: The Story (sf/horror)

Pipe Smoke (flash fiction)

Ninja Warriors Role Playing Game



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