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Excerpt for The Final Pages, The Last Words of A.J.DAY. by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

THE FINAL PAGES...

THE LAST WORDS OF...

A.J.DAY.

THE FINAL SEVEN PAGES...

LIFE'S SAD CHRONICLE...


F.S.P.

These are my final seven pages...

my farewell to the few who believed in me.

Go to hell all the rest...

those critics who have nothing to say...

those blind commuters on the trains and buses...

never seeing beyond their noses...

those lawyers who hide behind their computers...

those silent people who watch life's tragidy...

with a fascination...

like those at a side show of crucified freeks.

Is this what you want leave the children?

A world of division...

A world of disarray...

Thanks to destiny I have numbered days.

Would not want to live here much longer anyway.

Don't cry for me...

Cry with me...

Don't follow my lead...

Lead yourself out of this depression.

Weird advise from some who is soon to take his own life.

But I've never been one who makes much sense.

Even amonst in my most desperate hour..

I still have hope that something will change...

To change the crazy overturn and burn attitude of today.

Maybe I am too old fashioned...

and have too many values that became extinct with the...

manual type writer.

Or am I too new fashioned in that the world has not yet... discovered the things I see in my beautiful dreams?

True freedom for all, food plentiful, love and kindness.

And no religion to divide.

Nothing but good in the world.

I guess I will never see it.




THE FINAL POEM \ MY LAST RIGHTS. This' my final poem. Sure I will still write after this one is completed. But this will be the last to be published. Once it is immortalised in print. My foot prints will no longer need to be made in the sand. Even now I am questioning the reality of my work. I have spoken before about my need to query the answers... but I am starting to feel that philosophy is as waste of time. Yes life is a waste of time. Why live if all I give is another view... interesting in a way... but just adding to life's confusion. If there is a god... I'm fairly sure there is not... that being's greatest curse upon man is free will. The freedom to... love or hate... give life or take it... be of an evil or a good nature. My problem with that freedom is, that I want both death and life... light and darkness. Am I the only one with a shade of grey as the main colour. A bit of white wonderment and a dash of black broodiness. Maybe I am upset the most... that I have seen what the future awaits me... And I hate the idea of success and the mess it will bring to my life. Yet I am still drawn to the volcanic beauty of it's upheaval. I am sure I will die under the ash of the thousands of falling stars that are consumed by the lava filled void of fame. Faintly glimpsed then forgotten. This is not my last poem, this my last rights. As I kiss for the last time the breath of life good night.


SOMETHING TO DIE FOR. It is sometimes better to die for a cause... than live for one. All true legends are dead, remember those who die young... singing their sad song... having nowhere to belong. Fighting all alone yet fighting for everyone. Rebellion their bullet... social revolution their gun. Going out with bang, burning out with an explosive flame. Realising we are all to blame... for their sadness... for their tragic life... for their terrible death. Telling the world that it suxs... even with their last breath. Leaving behind a large slice of... a piece of their mind. Showing us all how everything is nothing. And how the sighted are the real blind. Blinded by what we see... not seeing that it is an illusion not a reality. An image marketed by the media. Lies and hype feeding our dreams until. they are ready and ripe... for exploitation by the populace' puppet's pulling... tricks out of their hats. Hard to tell fantacies from facts. Buy the books that are really propaganda packs. It is sometimes better to die for a cause... than live for one.




SCARIEST THING. This is the scariest thing I've ever done. Saying good bye for good. Don't need to worry what I wear,.,.,. mmm,.,.,. nice clothes for a funeral. F... you all!!! Don't follow my lead... learn that you need to cope... help others cope. I don't think I ever wanted to cope... have friends... or a real love. I hate you all... but that's not true. It might be easier for all if I did. But I am leaving cause... I love and care for you all. I don't want anyone seeing me... go insane on the outside as I'm internally. The beast within is showing it's self. This time without the keys of chemicals... to open the cage. My temper and rage is going to take a toll... I rather kill myself than someone else. The time has come for my clock to stop ticking. Before the time bomb explodes... tick,.,.,. tick,.,.,. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ sweet dreams Me, Myself and I. Don't ever wake me you bastards.


UNWORKED. Leave my work unworked on. .It is as it is. With mispellings and the like. Because they are me... never liked being completely correct. Nothing is... what it seems. If I wanted you to, change a thing I would've ask you to. But instead I swear upon my own soon to be filled grave... that who ever changes a word... will be haunted by the shadows and echoes of past artist's. Leave good enough alone. It's good enough me and that's all that matters...


THE SADDEST EMBRACE. I want to embrace death like a final fatal lover. Love has been fairly fatalistic for me. Together a time spent then our separate ways we went... never to see the other ever again. Oh what pain to have such a beautiful thing die like a bug infested flower. Wasted and ravaged in what should have been it's most glorious hour. I don't mean to question another's faith but why if one believes in an afterlife... they grieve so much for the loss of loved one in death? I think there is no god... no divine being. The koran, the holy scriptures, the words of Confucius and even the celestial prophesy don't hold the answer. None of them can really explain why we suffer even if we do good to others. So get lost.. if you think you can bury me... with your holy water... your promised paradise... your after life reincarnation. Things just are the way they are... they are destined and meant to happen as chance provides the opportunity. My opportunity is to leave this world early... only cause it is foretold in my dreams. I aren't one for omens and magic and dreams. But this is a special exception. I want to caress death with its every dark kiss. Blue lips... vacant eyes... last goodbyes... Time to become nothing...

time to become wise... ... ... ... ... ... ...




BLACKROSES. Lie blackroses on my grave. I don't want no colourful bloom... taking away from my day of doom. Blackroses... for my life was darkly miserable. Sadly tearful. My life has been a life of thorns from the time I was born. But don't cry for me... now I'm free. The end of the road has arrived... just in time. In time take me away... before I go insane. They will always question how I departed... But don't be down hearted... you must continue... I could not take anymore of a world I didn't belong in. My soul has an allergy to pain's awful sting. I did think of you as my life flashed before my tearful eyes. The final tears do become black crystals... as they fall among the dirt of despair. For one last and final remembered moment I again touched your silken hair as it flowed over my naked body... I will not go to heaven or hell. I will not be reincarnated as an animal or a tree. I will only live as long as you remember me. Don't regret that we met because I died happy... cause my last thoughts were about... you. But still my will was to leave... Don't greave my heart was made full thanks to you. But to go to the dark side was something I had to do. Sorry if you feel that I have turned my back... on my friend. But let my love that lives now in the earth, sea and wind... and your heart... strengthen you again. Whatever pain you have from the loss of my company... I apologies for that. If you can ever forgive me... place on my grave roses... black.


LIVING IN THE MEMORY. I will still live in your memory. Haunting hazel eyes staring into your soul. Leaving nowhere to go and hide... forcing everything into the open. A way with words and a love of art. Poetry from an honest heart. Sizing you up with a smile of the tempter. Creeping up on you... the surrender... time you will always remember... spent with me. I don't know why... I seem to have a way of leaving my mark in one's heart. I often shock with my confronting manner... I know when I die... which will sooner than later... I will become nothing... just my spirit will become part of everything. So I plan to be your memory man... your never forgotten lover... I love you like no other. So I will live forever your memory.




AS THE SEA. Has this fiery dream burnt you out? It has me. I have melted under the intense heat of the passion filled illusion... To come to the realisation that I'm nothing more than an Icicle Mirage on the ocean of the lost. I tried to stay a float and in one piece... no matter the cost. But now it feels like I have found my place... my calling... as part of the sea... the one thing that did understand me. I had carried the waters of pain in my body from my beginning... And now at last this aching is flowing out of my being. Peace is something for the first time I am seeing... Got to thank the stars for guiding me here. Now everything is clear... This' the way it's meant to be. Next time you drink another glass of salty tears think of me and my new life as the sea.


N.T.Y.T.D.

Never too young die. Never too old live. But the choice to me give... to live till I want live. And die when I want to die. Why must I leave it to destiny to decided... when to the under ground I'm to ride. This is not suicide... This is not euthanasia... It is just my exit from this sad laden world. If things were going to get better... I would be staying... But something tells me that with a dodgey dice we are playing... Don't you know what I'm saying... This is never going to improve... The earth isn't going to move... aside for our self preservation. Wars will always be part of this world full of tribulation. Greed will always outweigh need. Hate is now a well established noxious weed. Pollution has saturated the earth... the water... the sky... the heart... the soul... and the mind. So now by my own sane well thought out leave... I leave this... good for nothing world... behind.


T.B.O.N. I guess I have fallen in love with death... the cold flesh of the corpse of the uncorrupted... feeling like ice on the skin... an extacy of non existence... the eyes of deceased angels staring back at me. The smiles on the faces of the now content... The beauty regained by a once ugly old haggish woman. Had they all seen the promised land beyond life... Or had they seen one last cruel mirage? The latter I'm afraid... for death is the end... For the dead there is nothing before it... and nothing after. Oh how peaceful death would be... leaving all these useless somethings??? for the bliss of nothing.




M.R.U.T. I hide my dark heart. In fear of what THEY will think of me if... I let go the shadows... that I hold back. Discreetly hidden amongst THEIR silhouettes... How I so much desire to free my ghostly puppets. To haunt THEM with my mere existence... like THEY have always haunted me with THEIR teasing taunts... THEY will think more of me then... when the spirits won't let them forget. I laugh a spine chilling laugh inside my mind... As I think of... and await the time... of my revenge... Upon THEM. HA... HA... HA... HA... HA...


EXTRACT FROM "THE FINAL PAGES... THE LAST WORDS OF... A.J.DAY."

A BOOK OF POETRY WRITTEN BY anthony james day.

COPY WRITE BY ART & SOUL Co.


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