Excerpt for A Taste Of My Thoughts Oh Mighty Beer by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

A Taste Of My Thoughts

Oh Mighty Beer

By Steve Lake

Copyright 2019

Smashwords Edition 2019

Published by Steve Lake

Copyright 2019 Steve Lake

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Oh Mighty Beer

Copyright 1-11-2019

Steve Lake

My responsible day is now over

I head to my favorite bar

I park close by the front door

So later when I stumble

I'll find my car

I enter with pride

My head held high

Moving towards my favorite seat

Soon to look like Norm from cheers

No words are spoken from my lips

Only grasping the air with my empty hand

Within the moment of my second attempt

The coolness of the glass soothes my hand

Though it was a cold day

It does explain the snow atop my beer

When the next patron opened the door

With a mighty breath it disappeared

I don't do suds

Like a camel in the Sahara

5 glasses now preserved

But my only problem now is

The defect from birth was my tiny bladder

I have to run and purge

I set myself on auto pilot

The same steps of my thousand step journey already traveled

Whip it

Zip it

And to my seat I return

My bar stool cushion still deflated

Thankfully I have a big ass

I straddle it correctly

Equally splitting my crack

Restoring my plumbers butt for sightseers

The night creeps like a movie with a bad plot

Three more hours passed never leaving my spot

It's time for me to venture forth

Being done drinking beer like a sport

I head out the door on a biased curve

Using math to get to my car

I enter and sit in comfort

Realizing I won't get far

Damn, I lost my keys

I re-enter the bar on the same biased curve

Why not? It worked before

I checked my usual territory

One more beer to quench my thirst

As I scour the floor

Damn that baby bladder

Birth defects are not funny

So once more I apply my auto pilot

Heading towards the bathroom door

Three steps in

On step left

I unzipped it

I flipped it

Thinking the damn lighting in here is always poor

I tilt my head in disgust

When I noticed a toy in the urinal

I gave it a mighty blast

As I slowly focused in

Damn it! It is my key

Who was the son of a bitch?

Damn that’s a lot of pee

A man sometimes has to be a man

Swallowing his pride

I reached in and grabbed them

Damn it, I splashed pee in my eye!

I sat back at the bar

Depressed I ordered a beer and a shooter

Then I asked the bartender please

Can you wash the pee off my keys?

He grabbed my keys

Spouting it was a sign from God

Calling me a taxi

No more beer, it's your last call

I rode home without memory

I rode an Uber to work in shame

But after work I returned to the bar

I still had the best parking spot

Right by the damn front door!

And like the raven

I enter for evermore!

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