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Excerpt for Who Is Retarded by , available in its entirety at Smashwords


Title Page


Writings by Sha’Ra On WindWalker

(in collaboration with Sha'Tara EarthStar)


Copyright (©) 2018 Cocoons to Butterflies Publishing


Published by: Cocoons to Butterflies Publishing

Chilliwack, B.C. Canada


Cover pictures by: face, rubenshito: tree, Michael Smolla


All pictures found on FreeImages.com


Space Picture: ESA/Hubble


I hope you enjoy these writings. Feedback is welcome.

Contents

Title Page

Foreword

A New Path

Autumn Musings

Be Stubborn

Changing Ones Name

Equality

On The Edge

Self-Empowerment

Silent Stillness

My Quest

Path Of Infinity

Possessed By Desire

Stranded

Tears In The Rain

Stuttering

The Dandelion Flower

The Image I Shall Carry

Walk Of Life

I Am The One

You're A Loser

Making An Assumption

Who is Retarded?





Foreword


These books contain a form of free verse poetry, opinions based on observation, and some humour and imagination, engaging the heart as well as the mind. A critical look at many current issues intriguing and plaguing man. Spirituality, interaction with nature and environment, social changes, dwindling resources. Well worn issues now, indeed. But the poetry and other works in these books gives this subject a different perspective. I daresay that here we can find a "higher" vantage point from which to look at ourselves within the cosmos.


Who knows but some of the ideas in the books may get you inspired to do that thing you always wanted to do, even if this comes in a very small way, to make your corner of this world a better place to be in. Who knows but you may realize your little corner is a really nice place to be in after all.


It's all about life, if at times expressing life "outside the box" as the saying goes.




A New Path


Beside a crystal stream,

I sit and wonder:

why feel so unsure of self and life

on verge of entering a new path?


A gust of wind, a moving treetop

and in deep blue sky an eagle soars;

it seems we touch in mind -

in whispered thoughts he says -

“Everyone feels unsure, afraid,

thrusting out into the unknown:

try jumping from a nest with wings untried!

Just remember you asked for this path;

that your poetry would soar above the clouds.


New paths, new experiences, new feelings,

strange faces, foreign tongues, unknown lands,

altogether overwhelming sensations:

be sure of this: all who fly stood where you stand!

I, Spirit Eagle, watch over you.

I understand your desire to fly

coupled with the fear to try.

When everything says: “Impossible”

know that the goal is within sight.”

'Autumn Musings'


It's Autumn, and from my porch

overlooking a sylvan mountain lake

I see the sun rise over distant rocky peaks...

In the cold dawn and deep stillness

I can hear my thoughts so clearly!


What is the measure of a man?

the question has been asked so many times,

it has a million answers!

But for me, here, in this quiet place,

it means I am what I chose to be,

not what others would have me be.


How much can one choose one's direction?

Ah well, I can answer that:

by how much one is willing to explore

places shunned by most;

by how much one is willing to take on

- and prove wrong -

the plethora of nay-sayers and gainsayers.


Before I caught on; before

the “normal” label went to the garbage

with the ill-fitting clothes they made me wear;

when I was young and unsure,

I was ashamed of who I was:

for I couldn't hold down a job,

or live a “normal” life

within the System parameters.


Now a beautiful companion

who accepts me as I am

comes to sit beside me

and share my thoughts:

together we create such poetry

with power to change the world.


Be Stubborn


What breeds contempt

for those who stand alone?

What creates the bully mind

and fires the mob instinct?

Insecurity within oneself.


Let's not be insecure

about who we are

and what we are about:

let's not be a push-over

for mobs and bullies,

even when they come

in pretty uniforms

or bearing great titles.


I'll be stubborn (I said one day)

and stop believing in -

but not so proud I can't listen

to what others may have to say;

let's just say, I'll hedge my bets,

smile and nod, but think my way.


New things and great notions

from mobs and bullies do not come:

they rise from the individual mind

set afire by its own passion.


I'll be stubborn (I said again!)

when the sword of judgment

flashed my way

to make me bow my head -

but I didn't and behold,

it's blade was made of fear

and lo! As you can see

I am still here

as stubborn as ever.


Changing Ones Name


One day, I'd had enough:

I committed the ultimate anti-family

anti-system crime:

I changed my name.

Why?

Simple: I didn't like the one they'd given me;

I needed one that spoke to me

and for me.


People say "change" is the one constant

but try to change your name

and listen to their tune now!


Some will say we can't just go around

changing our names as we feel like it;

it would crash the system.


Well, if something as simple

as changing one's name

could bring down such a sick thing

I'd change it

every other day!


Equality


Hey! People talk, people talk, yeah,

has the whole world gone insane?

My appearance into earth life

brought resentment,

and earned me much discrimination:

seems I've yet to touch the falling rain.


I've had my share of man's abuse,

but never mind, I'm not accepting this:

that I'd be discriminated against

just because I appear to be different -

different than what?

Can they not see all I really want

is to be allowed my place?


Rage crashes through my mind,

its wind erodes the fabric of my soul,

yet while my entire being bleeds,

“I” - the silent “I” struggles endlessly

to bar hatred from the door.


Seems to me the search for equality

must be as ancient as the hills;

and seems to me it has never been found.

But do I give up on a technicality,

a mere statistical point?


No.


I do not believe the universe

came into being simply

to grind out statistics.


We can do better.

I can do better.


On The Edge


Sadness pervades my thoughts

as I stand ever on the edge, wishing

that in the midst of this raging war

I could hear the sound of the sea

her restless waves rolling,

thundering and whispering

upon the length and breadth

of endless shores.


By an effort of will

I turn my mind away

from the noise and chaos of city life

and I hear that sound again:

waves thunderously rolling

upon a shore in early morning;

I feel the fresh sea breeze

and foam covers my feet:

Am I in a dream?

Am I seeing some hidden world?

Am I floating in deep meditation

within the spirit worlds?


Nothing so esoteric,

nothing so fancy or difficult:

I have discovered the ability

to function in man-made chaos

while living out my days

in a self-made world

of peace and serenity.


Self-Empowerment


I didn't know any better

so for years I took it -

having my intelligence

lowered to that of a dummy,

by those who I discovered

did not want me to understand,

to learn, to expand.


Their pleasure was in tormenting;

in making me feel inferior,

a "loser" in my own eyes.


From the school yard

to the work place,

always the same.


They needed to believe

in their intellectual superiority

within a constricted mental space

and I was the 'dummy'

they used to beat up on.


One day, I'd had enough

and simply walked away

from all the bullshit:

enough of the baiting

and the lies that kept me

from walking further along

my own path to self-empowerment.


Everywhere I heard

the spirit of freedom

calling my name and laughing

and I never looked back.

To my own great surprise

I did not totter or weaken

but propelled myself

upon a creative process

that has become my life!


Silent Stillness


Many see life as so much dust

in the winds of eternity,

a silent stillness, an emptiness

within a black and white world

of death

and our utter sadness

only feeds our loneliness,

driving us to madness.


Out of the silence;

within this great stillness,

I come to understand death,

not as a dark void,

but as an open window.


We fly out through this window

but a great choice remains

even then: the final question:


And what would you like

served with your eternity?

My Quest


I have a vision of a perfect Woman,

I have yet to encounter;

every morning I stand

at the edge of the thundering sea

calling out her name,

yet it seems nothing ever comes of this:

she never comes into existence,

and the sea's waters blend with my tears:

what will it take for her to hear my call?

Should I give up this foolish quest?

Is it the impossible dream?

Is this my fate -

to always dream, never receive?


Fate is like faith: what people rely upon

when the unknown and the future threaten;

when feeling helpless; unsure of their way --

so they say, “That is my fate.”

or they say, “It is God's will.”

No - never will fate determine my life,


I would be my own proof

that if I keep searching for something

burning with desire; fired with passion,

such will come to pass; must come to pass.

And I will turn around and see

what my dream has helped me create.


The key to it all?

Never surrender to the too easy ways,

for what have they to boast of?

Path Of Infinity


Think about time

as your path to self-understanding,

to self-empowerment,

to "infinity"

as you go through your endless changes.


A few billion years from now,

you will realize what I am saying here.

It does not matter what happens in the end.

It matters what you do with you.


You are your past and your future.

There is no present in the sense of living.

Time can be played on,

can be compressed or stretched.

But it cannot be stopped.

It cannot be "present".


The best way to walk

the path of infinity

is in compassion.


For compassion

cannot be bought and sold

as so-called "love" can;

cannot be institutionalized

as faith is in religion;

cannot fail as do

hope's endless promises.


Compassion is for the self-empowered

for it is one's own

to do with as one pleases:

it is never reciprocal;

never dependent,

has no expectations.


Is it then "unconditional love"?

No - such a concept is an oxymoron,

a contradiction -

anyone can test this

and discover the truth of it.

Possessed By Desire


They pronounced “Failure”

and stamped it in their records:

it was to be my legacy.


I never would qualify

to compete in their rat race:

they made sure I understood

that I was “Different!”


Time passed and I played the game

by their rules:

I had been assigned

a proper Place in the Order of the Land!

I remained what they made me

until I realized

it's their negative judgment

feeding in vicious circles

that trap those who are “different”

inside the maze of “Failure.”


I learned to defy the odds,

to forge on, run with the moon,

embrace both light and darkness

and while society slept in smug assurance,

I confronted the ghosts of fear;

and set my own spirit free.


I discovered I possessed the desire

which neither weakness

nor society's glib forecast of failure

can ever hope to stop.

I moved through rock slides of doubt,

blizzards of confusion, floods of setbacks

proving to myself, if not to the world

“success”

is a subjective subject!

Stranded


I feel totally stranded

at the edge of some flat world;

a world I am less and less inclined

or able to understand.

Some say the world is just fine,

it has been that way -

it will continue to be that way -

but I look out my window

and see a different story.


I heard someone say,

"the majority of humanity

is compassionate

and loves their fellow man,"

Yes? If that is so

why all the endless violence?

And why do most

torture and destroy nature?


I think the people of Earth

are hopelessly delusional

about the state of their world.

I think the aerodynamics

of their social system

are totally wrong.


I believe the social Titanic

is about to be breached and sink

upon the ever-returning icebergs

of global social apathy.



Tears In The Rain

It is a hard thing, is it not
to know anyone's tears in the rain?
Yet many tears fall thus
and only the tear-maker knows
how they were created
why they came to be
and where they went.

Tears flow with the rain
when the fabric tears;
when what should be
does not come to be
and what should not be
breaks down the door
to take away the child.

I have seen tears in the rain
for I have seen the sky
cry over the earth and the sea
many a time, too many a time;
when the sun could not shine
upon earth nor sea
for sorrow would not let it.

And the child that was lost
I saw again past her wandering.
I saw her somewhere
as another face in the rain;
another tear-streaked face
staring at a dark-grey sky
and barely did I recognize it.

I knew she'd looked her last
upon the things once called good.
Through tear-filled eyes
she'd reached for the hand of faith
and grasped at the arm of hope --
but hand and arm dissolved --
how bitter are tears in the rain.

Stuttering


The mind can't picture

a word like "ppp-rrr-o-bbb-lll-eee-mm"

as a problem until too late:

the tongue flips helplessly,

feet stomp, head shakes,

trying desperately to get one damn word out

at least before the day is done!


"You're abnormal; you're not one of us!"

said society mocking, perhaps afraid

of contagion, of disease!

A speech impediment can really be

swift judgment of one's mental ability


Children only know 'normal'

until forced to realize

there are differences, degrees

of normalcy in this society -

some impairments at least rate help,

a graded sidewalk, a wheelchair sticker

on the windshield -

some rate a degree of compassion,

some only bring about mocking and jeers:

ddddooo I mmmake mmmyssself cleeeear?


Years of harassment from peers;

of put downs for lack of communication skills;

take their toll, leave their mark, even kill.

It wasn’t society who said to me one day,

Judgments are the heavy stuff of human life.

Don't let these trouble your gentle soul!

Always remember you have the last word,

whether you can speak it out loud or not!

Determine the course of your life

according to your hopes and dreams.

Human speech is but a hindrance

to pure communication:

know you not that gods speak without words?

Don't worry about the so-called smart,

nor what they may think of you:

mould your impediments into blessings!

The Dandelion Flower


One spring morning

I went into the front yard

and saw a dandelion flower:

I bent down and smelled it,

yes, that's what I did.


The next day

I went into the front yard

and saw a dandelion flower:

I bent down and pulled it up,

yes, that's what I did.


The next day

I went into the front yard

and saw no dandelion flower:

I sat down and I cried,

yes, that's what I did.


(this is a “wisdom thing")


The Image I Shall Carry


A tree growing on a rocky cliff,

a branch moving in the wind,

a leaf fluttering gently to the ground,

a squirrel hiding it’s winter supply,

a caterpillar weaving it’s cocoon

to later emerge a beautiful butterfly...


A bird song welcoming the sun,

oxygen, a gift from the trees,

pure water, the life blood of Mother nature:

all these things work in harmony

to make this earth a living being.


When we finally realize and admit

we are also a part of all that is:

not above nor greater than;

will we change the way we live?

Will we know we don’t inherit the land,

we borrow it from the future?


I gather my paints, I take my canvas,

and on the bank of a river, among nature,

I begin to paint the beauty that surrounds me

why? Well, it seems to me

that if man does destroy this lovely world,

I will still have my picture,

and I will remember.



Walk Of Life


A flowered meadow;

a stream flowing through;

pine trees softly soughing

at the edge of the opening

as a gust of Autumn wind

brushes against my face.


I realize

as I stand by the edge of the stream

that I did not find my calling in life:

I received it.

It found me because I came here

and just as the seeds grew

because a stream flowed by

and flowers now cover its banks

so does life always meet us half-way

if we know where to stand.

Try as I might to find the right path

I found frustration at every corner

but when I stopped struggling;

that elusive path appeared...


I ponder these thoughts

as the sun paints bright colours

upon an ever-shifting canvas

of evening clouds.

It's a pleasant walk home today.

I Am The One


The Bible was written by man

(it had to be)

not by some god up there

somewhere in deep space -

because if all those commandments

exemplify the best a god can do

it's no wonder we're stuck

with such impossible problems!


This space alien God

who won't be seen and won't be known

and can't be shown

is not waiting to grant my every prayer

and it's pretty clear he's dead against

granting my every desire.


So what is left for one to do?

Against all I've ever been taught,

I have to say of me,

“I am the One.”

Yes, I am the one, the only one

with the power to change my life

when it needs changing;

to find the passion within my heart

to fulfill my own desires.


I have the power

to change my own thought pattern;

deciding how I see the world;

or choose to interact with you.

No longer a sinner,

no longer in need of saving,

I am just one who shares this space

with you.

Believe what you will

as long as you believe in you

the miracles cannot be far behind.


You're A Loser


It's a warm spring morning -

May first, Sunday, beautiful day

or so I think until a car comes by

and the driver

compelled by some dark inner urging

yells out the open window:

You're a fucking loser!

and drives on - I hear loud laughter.

What compels people to do this?

Will nothing ever change on this world?

Must people oppress and abuse each other?

Is this how it must be?

How terribly sad this world must be

for those who feel this need

to put someone down just to feel better

or to find entertainment.


It is said that the Yuppie years

will bring the downfall of earth:

clearly I can see this now -

people with too much time

and too much money -

and too much of nothing else!

This is a world of shattered glass

and no one will pick up the pieces

to create a new mosaic in time.


Making An Assumption


Some who read my poetry

call it bottom of the pile garbage,

they say it needs much rewriting;

object to my thoughts, say I'm all wrong:

well now, can a thought be wrong?


Hey, maybe they're just afraid: people do fear

what they can't understand:

it's so much easier to scorn than to accept -

many still do not realize it is the child

who enters the kingdom of wisdom!


I'd be the first to admit: I don't have a degree;

I failed barn cleaning at age twelve!

(though I do mow lawns on temporary permits)


My brain doesn't function the way most do

but it does force me to see

there's a 'fool on the hill' kind of world inside my head

and if I know something not mentioned

in the smart guys training manuals, can I help it?


Criticism is but an assumption

basted, battered and baked in fear.

'Earthians' pig-out on this stuff:

May I never eat such dried up crumbs.

Who is Retarded?

 

What is a “retard”?

The question has been asked many times,

it has a hundred answers – some

even politically correct!

 

A person has a speech impediment,

Is dyslexic, has trouble concentrating,

has not goose-stepped through

the “normal” school curriculum

or read the mandatory “smart people” books:

is that person automatically a retard?

 

Who chooses one's genetic inheritance?

Who chooses one’s ability to “fit in”?

How is one thought of as a retard?

What is the official, read mob, criteria?

 

I’m so well placed to answer that.

Essentially, by not coming across as…

normal. What is normal?

It’s what doesn’t need defining.

If you are definable, then you’re not mob,

you’re not herd, you’re not normal.

 

You’ll say abnormal isn’t retarded

and to that I would reply: walk in my shoes.

 

Before I caught on, clued in; before

the “normal” label went into the garbage

with the ill-fitting clothes they made me wear;

when I was young, unsure and frightened,

They made me ashamed of who I was:

for I couldn't hold down a job,

was told I did not no how to manage money,

I was too nice, therefore easily conned.

Would never live a “normal” life

within the System parameters.

 

Add another strike against me:

I have a disability pension,

what a shame for the family.

 

Yet this retard can see the world

in ways a majority never could.

This retard created and published books

available for anyone to peruse and ponder.

Check it out and wonder once again:

Who is it we label retards?




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