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Excerpt for The Continued Evolution Of Ken's Poetry by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

The Continued Evolution Of Ken’s Poetry

by Ken Squires

Copyright 2019 Ken Squires Publishing

Smashwords Edition


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Freezing In The Cold

Watching the mercury drop before my eyes as life around me stands still

The wind comes to a halt and death is around.

You can't see it when your inside looking out, but the moment you step outside

Is the moment you feel it, on your face and any exposed parts.


Homeless people dead by the hundreds across the province

The devil's cold fucking breath is breathing down upon us.

Doing what we can to stay warm in this weather is the only option.

Time outside is limited, very limited.


It's so still that you can almost watch death watch what you watch

You can almost see death stalking anything and everything that goes outside.

The coldness doesn't just last for one day, it will last for three days.

Nobody knows what will strike, nothing will act right.


Specially when your outside, the cold hand of death is worse than the cold shoulder.

No one is safe from the cold, not young or old. Not even four legged friends.

The world is not the same place you once knew when this weather is upon us.

It's an entirely different place.


You can only stand back and watch as everyone is

Freezing in the cold


Ken

Poppin'em

Body heat is going crazy right now

One minute I'm covering up with seven layers thick

Next minute I want to strip naked and dive into the snow

But nobody needs to see that shit.


Tylenol Complete's be landing on my desk as I pop two yellows each four hours

When the sun dips and moon comes up I pop two blue before I crawl into bed

In hopes of getting myself a good night sleep

Doing random dumb things for my own entertainment


A random coughin fit happens making me want to puke

But nothing ever comes of it, just hard coughin

Almost fell down stairs today when a cough came at a bad time


Tylenol Complete's be landing on my desk as I pop two yellows each four hours

When the sun dips and moon comes up I pop two blue before I crawl into bed

In hopes of getting myself a good night sleep

Doing random dumb things for my own entertainment


Ken

Lonely

The feeling of hearing your thoughts echo through your own skull

Having nobody to share them with

The feeling of looking next to you and seeing nobody there

Nobody to spend time with


An emptiness, a void the things that one tries to fill through out life with various things

No matter if it's a job or a hobby or other physical activities

The feeling of emptiness can turn your body the same way, feeling the echo all through


Everything you do is like a sonar wave as it can he heard all through out

The echoes of loneliness can be felt through ones entire body.

No matter what they try to fill it with, it doesn't mean it would work


It doesn't mean it would solve the problem

At times it would only create other problems


Being lonely is a death trap to some

A slippery slope

A place where you have no way out


Ken

It's Amazing

The feeling of hearing your thoughts echo through your own skull

Having nobody to share them with

The feeling of looking next to you and seeing nobody thereIt's amazing how things quickly turn, when I chose to express concern.

About what I actually think someone should do to make themselves better

In retrospective I should have kept my mouth shut and let people choose the path they want.


But what can I say they asked me for my advice so I chose to give it

Was I wrong, I didn't think so but I now get the feeling that I am.

It don't matter, all I've been trying to do is what I thought was right.

I bet the person heard differently from there friends and perhaps got told off.


I should have just told them to do what they want and called it a night.

Shut down for the night and starred at the tv from it's own glowing light

But yet I laid there tossing and turning wondering how one could do certain things

As I watched my device get lit up, similar to how a phone rings


Slowly I reached over to grab it and see what response I had for my thoughts

I read it and shook my head when I laid there in bed

Starting to wonder if what I said didn't make sense, since I've been fighting a cold

Maybe my words got messed up between my brain and finger tips and something didn't sound right.


But yet there I lay thinking I was the one who was doing right.

Guess one will never know if what I did was truly right or try wrong

It's just the same old response with the same old song


Ken

Nobody to spend time with


An emptiness, a void the things that one tries to fill through out life with various things

No matter if it's a job or a hobby or other physical activities

The feeling of emptiness can turn your body the same way, feeling the echo all through


Everything you do is like a sonar wave as it can he heard all through out

The echoes of loneliness can be felt through ones entire body.

No matter what they try to fill it with, it doesn't mean it would work


It doesn't mean it would solve the problem

At times it would only create other problems


Being lonely is a death trap to some

A slippery slope

A place where you have no way out


Ken

Hugless

Watched it all unfold in your eyes, almost like your a puppet and someone else is pulling the strings.

Actually knowing you and the way you do things, you are a puppet and I'm sure I know the various guys pulling those strings.

It all started Monday, I went out in minus thirty to shovel the driveway before you got home.

You thought it was a sweet gesture that I would go out in the cold and do something like that, walked up within a foot away from me and stood there silent, almost like you were getting words from someone else saying "don't do it" and "I forbid you to do it" you stood in silence for about thirty seconds before you turned and walked away.


Tuesday evening you were looking sad before I climbed into bed, I thought I would try to comfort you, so I gave you a hug and you stood there unsure of what was happening, I forgot I'm not in your inner circle anymore, so the powers that pull your strings have told you to stop.

It's like overnight you've turned yourself into a joke, yet you still try to boss me around. Wonder how that's working for you when you must find yourself doing more now than before.


But I know all these years someone else was pulling your strings, you never really were in the relationship with me, you were doing what someone else wanted you to. You were acting much like an actress but you clearly got cut from that part, sent your walking papers out of the blue. You went from someone who tried to get me to talk to to someone who I have deemed unapproachable


I still try to do the odd nice things from now and then, but it's the way I am. But those get smaller and smaller, I know your birthday is coming up.. I will choose to ignore it since that's what you wanted from me last year to act like I don't exist for another day. Shouldn't be too difficult to ignore your existence considering you won't be in the house for the day. Wonder what your boyfriend is getting you, or all six of them...


You always said you weren't high maintenance, yup you are..

But I no longer have to pay for that maintenance package, that's for damn sure.


Ken

Valentine's Day, Why Do I ?

Why do I need a day like this

In order to splurge and show you that I love you

When you've had 364 other days that I've shown you


I don't need to have just one day in order to show my love

It's like everyone is kissing each others ass for the shit they fucked up

When it comes to me, I don't need to do anything except sit in a corner


It's the one day that I can do nothing, while we can watch everyone else run around

Trying to have the one day for them to prove that they love the significant others

Why can't they do it the other 364 days


I guess they don't really have the love to show.

Only when the world puts the spot light on that one day.

They have to out do themselves and showcase love that they have.


Almost like they're celebrities doing things for the cameras.

For the girlfriends to gossip to there girlfriends about.

While they become more unaware of deceitful ways.


At times I wish I could pull the hearts out of the deceitful ones

Hold it in front of them while they watch the last few beats before they die

That would be my gift to those ladies, show them that they were duped.


That they deserve better.


Ken

God Gave Up

What if God gave up on this planet, just to sit back and let the world run.

Like it was a video game, he put it on auto sim and kicked back.

He had enough with our lives, maybe he's had enough with mine


Maybe he chose certain people to put on ignore and to see what would happen.

If they had control, he needed some comedy for a change. Needed to see evolution

But evolution has failed some of us, we can't keep up, we keep tripping


What if God gave up on you, you wake up tomorrow and everything was wrong

You didn't feel like you anymore, your interests weren't interesting

Your love for certain people, weren't feeling loved.


Those parts of you were turned off, you had to find your own way.

You had to figure out who you are, the life God set for you was no longer

Could you pilot the exoskeleton that you currently embody


Or would you continue to fail, would you continue to crash.

Would you turn your life upside down trying to figure out who you were

In hopes of figuring out yourself or that God would intervene


What if God gave up on you and the life you know vanished.

You were a different you when you woke up, no longer programmed that way

Would you be able to manage you


Ken

What If She Told You

It was less than twenty four hours before valentine's day, you thought you had it planned

Then the message came through and it said "it's over good bye"

You thought you knew her, you thought you knew how she felt.


Do those feelings go crashing down to the pit of your stomach

Or does your body show you that you truly have no feelings for her

As it's like saying bye to someone who went to the grocery store


But you know you won't see her again, nor will you hear from her again

Your body indicates that everything is OK, it's almost like your relieved

A weight has been lifted off from you, as the world seems different now.


Care free and perhaps careless, not having to worry about anyone except yourself

Which you've discovered you just don't give a shit about anyway

The feeling of making you by yourself makes you happy


Signs of her drift away, messages just instantly stop, she vanishes from all parts of life

You start wondering, was the person really apart of your life or were they fictional

Someone that good to you, were they in your head, did you make them up


Perhaps a sign of fictional, how could someone who seemed that good turn like that

But those feelings of wonder quickly vanish, with a sneeze.

You then wonder what were you thinking about, you can't retrace your thoughts


Going back to working on what you previously have started

Different puzzle pieces begin to fall into place, changing the puzzle in your mind

To something different, a completely different outlook than what things were before


But how could this be, you were stuck thinking one thing but now all has changed

You see in your mind almost like a movie a puzzle

Covered with smoke, which is actually made by dry ice


A gentle breeze blows the smoke away and it's different, it's different completely

Than it was once before, you can't believe it. You stop trying to figure out the old one

But your mind is stuck, you can't remember the old puzzle your mind slowly created


But certain pieces to the puzzle are missing, life isn't that easy.

You just have to figure out how to uncover them in life, to find out what they are.

What must you do to uncover them, another puzzle to the puzzle to reveal the puzzle


You quickly question if you really said puzzle three times in a short time

Yes, yes you did.

What does life have in store for you now, only time will tell, only time.


Ken

Love Is Fucked Up

I've always thought the emotion known as love to be fucked up, seen many things.

I seen one guy drop all of his friends for the supposedly love of his life

That's just messed up, love makes you do some seriously fucked up shit.


I have never been one to do drastic things in the name of the four letter word.

I know there's other stories out there that are similar.

Worst one I've heard has to do with Michelle Carter


Y'all may have heard of this dumb bitch, she convinced her boyfriend to do it.

To take his own fucking life, can you imagine being that fucking nasty in life

Having the power over someone with love and convincing them to kill themselves


Perhaps she wanted him to do it, in the name of it.

Kinda like prove it to me, prove to me that you love me

That shit is fucked up, hope she never sees the light of day again.


Lock her ass up, throw away the key.

Throw her into a hole and throw away the hole.

It was done all through fucking text messages too


The most fucked up emotion the body has, is love.

I think it fucks up many, it seems like it gives some these super powers

Others they make them weak, like zombies, no ability to think.


But yet they have one day on the calendar dedicated to that shit.

It's still fucked up


Ken

Never Had

The boy never had a chance.

The girl kept putting things in his path

Like a maze, yet he just wanted to find happiness


As the maze seemed endless and he come come to walls or dead ends

He started to wonder if happiness did exist

Or was it a chemical reaction in ones brain like an orgasm


Does it just happen in short intervals but it doesn't last

What if it doesn't last, will the boy be constantly racing through the maze

Or would the girl truly show him what happiness is.


Does everyone experience trouble when it comes to happiness

Is it just the furthest thing from his brain for a reason

Does he not allow himself to be happy, or is there more to it than that


What if the thought of happiness is trying to explain it to someone

Everyone appears to experience it in different ways

But what if some people don't experience happiness


It may not exist in everyone, or does it and some just haven't found it yet.

Maybe only people who treat ones like shit experience happiness in a easy way

Perhaps that's how they have found it, to make others lower than them.


The maze was always full of twists and turns

Things to climb and things to duck under.

Problems to solve, both simple and complex.


Questions to answer, both simple and virtually impossible.

Maybe he felt unwanted and not important as the maze continued.

End, none in sight.


Trying to explain it, not a easy task

Trying to over come it, just as difficult.

At times he felt just as lost with what was in front of him as in the maze.


Very seldom he felt as if he seen the light under the door

The possibility final door to the maze just to get a chance at happiness

Only to open the door and find it stretch further and further.


No end in sight

No way of possibly talking about it

His conversations became an endless circle of the same thing over and over.


When tried to talk about something new, it never lasted, shot down very fast.

While being shot down he had to make a choice, to pull up and try to land to keep going

Or to give up and crash, would it really make a difference to anyone if he gave up


Doubtful to her the feelings have grown dim

The brain numb

No longer that sparkle when he talked, no longer the hope as he waited.


Ken

Do You Ever Think About Me

I've often pondered if you ever think about me.
But why would you, your mind is flooded with other thoughts of others.
I'm sure I'm the furthest thing from your mind
I'm sure I'm the last thing on your mind, even when we talked I doubt I was.

Go for it, I know you so well I know what your thinking, your going to say....
"what ever" .. If that proves anything it proves that what I said was right
I know there's no real way of you proving otherwise.
But it's fine, I always knew you were preoccupied with other things.

You always have been, you always will be.
You also seem to think that I write about you constantly.
All those others, nah not a single word about you
Hate to break it to you but they never were.

Never been one to think badly about you
Even though my gut tells me various bad thoughts about me ventured through you
I'm not one to complain, not one to argue, you are who you are.
Why would I ever stop you being you.

Ken



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